This is the five hundredth post in the Journal. It’s a milestone in terms of our journal. It also corresponds to a milestone in our relationship. Yesterday, in her post, Mrs. Lion talked about how enforced chastity has significantly changed our lives. I have been thinking about that too. We both seem to think about the same things at the same time. It’s part of the magic of our relationship.
She mentioned that I always seem surprised when she takes care of me. I am. I never believe that I am worth the time and energy it takes to support me when I don’t feel well. I am very grateful. Mrs. Lion is always there for me and is cheerfully willing to do whatever it takes to make my life better. No wonder I am surprised! Wow! Sappy as it might sound, she means more to me than anything in the world. I will do anything for her. Period.
Post 500 is a very good time to take a look back at the basics. Most obvious, of course, is the fact that I am locked 24/7 in a Jail Bird chastity device. Based on our experience so far, it is unlikely that I will ever go more than a few hours without this cage for the rest of my life.
This cage, as Mrs. Lion pointed out, keeps us focused on sex. Right now it is sex for me, but I have faith that it will be for Mrs. Lion too as time goes by. My cage has become a second “wedding ring”. It’s something that has great symbolic value as well as its obvious physical function. It is a constant reminder to both of us of our respective roles and our sexual commitments. It means that I will never again make myself come. Any sex I enjoy will be provided by Mrs. Lion.
Oddly, at least to me, after nearly eleven months, I still like this idea. There are times I wish I could masturbate. They are few and far between. I am learning to accept that masturbation is never an option for me. I am completely dependent on Mrs. Lion for release. That brings me back to my first comment. I am continually surprised by how much she is willing to do for (and to) me.
She has accepted the responsibility for my sexual happiness. She understands that it includes hurting me and depriving me of release. That is not easy to do. It takes time and energy. It can be emotionally difficult to cause her mate pain and watch his frustration. I know it may be harder for Mrs. Lion to see me desperately horny than it is for me to suffer being in that state.
She is training me. I know she didn’t really sign up to do that in the beginning, but she is training me to be obedient and to accept her decisions about what pleasure I get or don’t get. It is something I want, of course, but over nearly eleven months there have been many times I wished I could do what I wanted. But I am learning. Just as Mrs. Lion is learning that hurting me and depriving me is ultimately what will make me happy, I am learning that obedience and acceptance are what I need to be happy.