Male Chastity Journal

I’ve been wrestling with an issue that I admit, is purely mine. You see, I want to feel that Mrs. Lion has sexual control of me. It’s my kink. Wearing a cage that I can’t take off and that prevents any sexual pleasure is a big part of it. Another big part is that she can discipline me and control if and when I get teased or, if very lucky, an orgasm. What she makes me do is part of this control as well. I’m sure you know that anyway. Over the last year we have both been learning how to put this into practice. Slowly, Mrs. Lion has been learning to exercise control and even spank me sometimes for breaking rules.

I’m a slow learner too. I haven’t really figured out exactly how to react to her fledgling dominance. I may be trying too hard. I crave consistency but that isn’t Mrs. Lion’s style. So, I tend to make much more of any moves she makes in the controlling direction. So, when I get opportunities to call the shots (i.e. the “Love Coupons” I am sure you are tired of reading about) it makes me worry.

So, you might think, all Mrs. Lion has to do is be super strict and eliminate any sexual choices I might have. Are things ever that simple? Theoretically, that would work. But in practice, that role would be very difficult for her and would guarantee that she never felt I really wanted to do anything for her. It turns her on when I initiate sex. However, that’s a choice for me. We figured that one out for now. Mrs. Lion sets an orgasm date for herself and I initiate on that date. Smart Lioness!

For now, my orgasms are also scheduled. You can see the next date and other stats in the right column of this blog. Until very recently, Mrs. Lion has been giving me “bonus” orgasms. These bonuses are really great and they are entirely her idea. But in my little mind, sometimes I feel that I had something to do with getting them. That feels a bit like control. Over the last two or three waits, Mrs. Lion hasn’t given me any bonuses. That feels more controlling to me. Is that better for me? Well, for right now it is. Though I think that later, once I get things through my head, it might be great to get a bonus here or there. Bear in mind that neither of us see any particular benefit in long waits.

I am hugely conflicted here. I love sex. I really love orgasms. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t wonder why I wanted to do this. I really hate waiting. But, as we have both said before, we are having way more sex now than we did for the last decade. I’ve been thinking about bonus orgasms. When I am strapped into the sling and Mrs. Lion has spent a long time doing anal play, spanking, cbt, and other play, an orgasm is a great way to finish. On the other hand (there always seems to be some damn “other hand” with this stuff), it is a fantastic display of power to just lock me up when she finishes play without letting me come. It seems that there is almost always a benefit in not letting me come. Similarly, extending my wait has the same beneficial effect.

It’s too bad that all these benefits accrue from depriving me of something I want so badly. But they do. Maybe spankings should also include extending my wait. That always gets my attention. I am not suggesting that every spanking include another day or more added, but I am suggesting that extensions are an unused way to raise the stakes. It’s easy to make this suggestion when I am horny. But I reluctantly have to admit it is a good one.

Any real power exchange, whether enforced chastity or anything else, is only effective if the person surrendering power is losing things that really matter. “Forcing” me to do things — or for that matter, not do things — I want to do anyway, is not surrendering power at all. Keeping me away from a sincerely needed orgasm is. I’ve just hung myself by my own petard, haven’t I?

I have created a monster. A coupon monster. Last night Lion came bounding toward me waving a love coupon. It was for a weekend breakfast of his choice made by me. Now, suddenly, he has decided it’s okay to use his coupons. He says he finally figured out that I want him to. Duh! What have I been saying for the past few months? How many posts have been devoted to them? He should use them. He shouldn’t use them. I should take them back. I shouldn’t take them back. Around and around we go. For now the merry-go-round has stopped at using them.

I’m not complaining. I’m actually relieved. Even though I had to get up on a weekend and make him homemade waffles, I’m glad he’s finally using them. Yay! Score one for Mrs. Lion. I don’t even remember how many he has anymore. When I said he should be careful because he only has a certain number of them, he said maybe he’s trying to use them all up. Silly boy, Valentine’s day is just around the corner. He’ll probably get more. Plus I can give him Good Lion coupons too. I’ve only given him one of those. I should probably do it more often. And the Bad Lion coupons. I should definitely do those more often.

Lion has been wild again for the past few days since he sent the Jail Bird back. The other night I was debating whether I should give him a bonus orgasm so he wasn’t so horny while wild. Not that I’m worried about him cheating, but why put that pressure on him? As I was sucking him I was also debating whether I could give him a ruined orgasm on purpose. I know I can do it by accident. My thought was that if I just tried to edge him and kept going a few much seconds I could probably do it. But then I could also go too far and give him a full orgasm. Since I had decided I didn’t want to do the bonus orgasm I didn’t want to try for the ruined orgasm. At some point I will try it. I just need to be in the correct mindset. I’m usually upset at myself that I’ve gone too far with edging and done one by mistake. I need to give myself permission to try to do it on purpose and accept whatever the outcome is. I guess it’s sort of like Lion deciding it’s okay to use his coupons.

Mrs. Lion and I are growing up; at least in terms of enforced chastity. Thursday night was a very good example of this.  After she finished her tease and deny, she confided in me that she was very tempted several times to give me a bonus orgasm. She said that she resisted the temptation. I refrained from asking her to reconsider. In the recent past, she wouldn’t have resisted and if she did, I would have begged. We both did exactly the right thing.

That’s not to say Mrs. Lion doesn’t have the right to give me an extra orgasm, or for that matter, delay one that is scheduled. But, exercising the right to give me extras too often, does, at least in my mind, dilute my impression of her resolve. We have been slow in building chastity habits. While we both have adapted to my being caged, we haven’t truly established our roles. Both of us have been experimenting to see what works best for us. I don’t see that ending any time soon. For me, letting go of the fantasies and establishing an enforced chastity reality is a slow process. Mrs. Lion has had to struggle with taking on a sexually dominant role. We’ve both had to make compromises.

Our first compromise was around teasing. Mrs. Lion was concerned about inertia: locking me up and forgetting about it (Like I would let her!). So, she made a rule for herself: She would tease me sexually every other day; not necessarily edging, but some sexual activity. She has been faithful to her decision.

The latest one had to do with a very difficult subject for both of us: Mrs. Lion’s orgasms. Over the years, Mrs. Lion has lost her interest in sex. Part of it was my failure to initiate the way she needs. We never managed to solve our differences. A few weeks ago, Mrs. Lion got the idea that she should schedule her orgasms, the same way she schedules mine. On her scheduled orgasm day, I provide her with orgasms.

Thursday was her third orgasm date. I brought flowers home, made her dinner (take out), and proceeded to provide a romantic evening. I wrote about that in my post yesterday. We both had a really good time. While it may seem silly to some, the scheduled night has two important benefits for us: It “forces” Mrs. Lion to be sexually active even though her libido isn’t running very well right now, and it gives me “permission” to be sexual with her. I don’t feel the insecurities that initiating caused me in the past, and Mrs. Lion feels that I am initiating. It’s a real win-win.

I realize that this may seem artificial to you, but it has turned out to give us a way to get past a problem we both badly wanted to solve. In fact, our enforced chastity activities have provided us with a real solution to our sexual stagnation. We’ve both had to make changes. It isn’t an easy process, but at least as far as I’m concerned, this is a big success. I think Mrs. Lion agrees. So, it is highly unlikely I will ever have unfettered access to my penis again.