Male Chastity Journal

These coupons were a big hit when I gave them to Lion, but since then have turned into a giant pain in the ass. He loves them. He hates them. He’ll never use them. He’ll definitely use them. I should take them back. He wants to keep them. Around and around we go.

Yesterday he said I should take them back because they give him too much power. He’s said this before. We’ve gone over it and decided he should keep them. But now he says he doesn’t want them until he learns to surrender. I’m not sure what he’s been doing for the past year, but to appease him I told him I’d take them back. I wouldn’t have given them to him if I didn’t want him to use them. But this back and forth is getting old.

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Last night after my orgasm I set my calendar for January 29 for my next one. He said I was very lucky to only have to wait three days. I told him I’d trade dates with him, but he probably wouldn’t want to trade since it would be similar to the coupons. Mistake. Then we went round and round again about the coupons. He said he thought I wanted to make him wait longer and longer so he didn’t want to change that by using a coupon. I don’t care how long he waits. I set dates because he wanted a set date. I don’t care if he waits six days, six weeks, six months. Sometimes I give him an orgasm because I want to. I have fun playing with him and decide I need him to have an orgasm. Personally, I’ve always thought that if I’m playing with him he should have an orgasm. He’s the one who wants to be teased and made to wait. Ironically I could, and have, waited months between orgasms without any problem at all. We’re just wired differently.

In the end (at least last night’s end) we decided he would keep the coupons. He had forgotten that using a coupon resets the clock. He has a finite number of coupons so eventually he will have to wait the full amount of time anyway. But we all know that’s not exactly true because I will give him a bonus orgasm along the way anyway.

My takeaway from this: No more coupons! Actually my takeaway is that if I am in charge then what I say goes. No more arguing about the damn coupons. I issued them and I will take them away if I want to take them away. Otherwise I expect them to be used whenever Lion wants to use them. That’s it. End of story. Period. Until the next time he brings it up.

The other night about 24 hours after my last orgasm, we were lying quietly in bed facing each other. I was in one of those moods that had me wondering why I put myself in a situation that so severely limited my ability to enjoy sex. After all, here I was, locked into a device that prevented me from any sexual pleasure, even an erection. I asked Mrs. Lion why I was in this situation.. She replied calmly,

You asked me to lock you up.

“Crap,” I said softly. I did, didn’t I?

Yup, she replied.

I was quiet a while. I kept thinking about this decision. Is it the same as the idea of eating my semen? It seems so hot before I come, but as soon as I begin ejaculating, the idea is horrid. Could my lockup be another of those great-until-it-happens fantasies? Of course, it could I thought. But it’s been going on for a year, so I’m either terminally stupid or something else is going on.

“How would you feel about stopping?” I asked.

That’s not going to happen, she responded softly.

“I thought that you do this because it makes me happy. What if it stops making me happy?”

It’s good for us, she said.

“I can’t deny that,” I replied.

It’s true. Even with the waiting for orgasms, we are both having more sexual and physical contact than we have had in years. Before we started enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion didn’t want orgasms for herself more than two or three times a year. She would masturbate me or give me a rare blow job every month or two. I masturbated one or two times a week to fill in.

I did ejaculate more often. But I wasn’t having all that much fun. My reaction the other night, I think, comes more from the realization that I have no control of when I can come. It may sound odd, but until that conversation, deep down inside me, I was sure that Mrs. Lion would quit if I wanted her to end it. After all, she said numerous times that she was doing this to make me happy. So, if it stopped making me happy to be controlled this way, I figured she would let me go.

I asked her, “Would you unlock me and stop this [sic: enforced chastity] if I said I wanted to stop. There was a pause.

No, it’s good for us.

At least that’s what I remember. She may have said it differently, but that was the unmistakable message. According to the enforced chastity mythology, I was supposed to get a warm feeling of love and live happily ever after. That wasn’t at all what I was feeling. I felt the same way that I do when Mrs. Lion’s semen covered fingers move to my mouth and I have to suck them clean.

It wasn’t a good feeling. It was the feeling of certainty that is beyond my control. Despite my actions to the contrary, I am not generally submissive. When I am not bathing in the warmth of arousal, the reality of my lost control can be disturbing.

I think this is a turning point for me. Mrs. Lion has planned when over the next few months I will be given an orgasm. If she actually sticks to these dates and refuses to give in to my requests, I will be forced to go through the process of truly surrendering control.

There is a potential problem. I have a fairly large collection of coupons that allow me to get an orgasm when I want. I haven’t used any because I sensed that even though Mrs. Lion gave them to me, using one would return some measure of control to me.

When I mentioned this to her, she said, I gave them to you so I am still in control.

I have to disagree. A get-out-of-jail free card is a way of returning control, albeit temporary, to me. Based on last night as well as those other times, usually at the sixth day of waiting, that I become negative about this experience, I am not ready to have any control at all.

Putting the power exchange aside, there is a much more important reason that enforced chastity has to continue in our relationship. Somehow this activity has rekindled intimacy and sexuality in our relationship. I have theories why this is happening, but the fact is that things have changed. Mrs. Lion said that she believes my being caged is critical to this continuing. I think this is correct.

Even if Mrs. Lion truly doesn’t want sexual control and wants to make me happy, it’s clear that both of our sexual happiness depends on her maintaining this control and refusing, even at the risk of making me unhappy for a while, to let me take back control of my arousal and orgasm.

It’s clear that each of us will have times we would rather not play this game.  There are times I will hate being caged. I think it is surprising that this hadn’t really come up sooner. I think the reason it hasn’t is that up until now I believed I still had control. I want to be caged, so I am. I didn’t feel deep down that I had surrendered.

Somehow, my learning that Mrs. Lion has determined when I will orgasm and has done it without my input finally got the fact that I’m no longer in control through my thick skull. For this to work it can’t be about when I want to come. It has to be about when I am allowed to. It also has to be about not yielding to me when I want more orgasms. That’s why orgasm coupons may not be the best idea for me.

This is just like eating my semen. It’s a hot idea until I actually have to do it. Clearly I have arrived at the “eating” time for enforced chastity.

Three days is what Lion feels is his optimal wait time. Well I know it’s not. The other day he said if I had let him come it wouldn’t have been the optimal time and that was more than a three day wait. He just wants to come more often. Too bad. I take into account how often he wants to come but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I actually let him come when he wants to. Now if I want him to come that’s another story. I can do it whenever I want. Whether he wants to or not. Of course he rarely resists when I want to give him a bonus orgasm.

I think my pet is also having sophomore slump. Since we got the cage back after his nearly two weeks of being wild, he’s not as happy as he was when it first went on. That first year was full of excitement and new things and the promise of all the wonderful things that would happen now that I am in charge. This second year is less exciting. More of the same. Now the work begins. Second thoughts about giving up control of Mr. Weenie. Uh oh, what have I done?

This morning he emailed me that the cage has been pinching and if it continues he may have to go back to the larger ring. But, oh by the way, you should make me wear it a while longer because it is more secure. He is struggling to control how things go without being able to control how things go. I know the cage is pinching. He was squirming a lot while we were at the movies the other night. I know it’s tighter. I told him his skin was a little pink where the ring is rubbing. We decided he just needed to get used to it. At some point we’ll have to decide how long is long enough. My primary focus is always his comfort. Even when he’s supposed to be uncomfortable (during a spanking, for example) I want the correct amount and type of discomfort. Having the cage pinch and rub for the sake of it being a little more secure doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. I never saw him escaping as an issue.

My poor Lion is having a mini panic attack about having to wait for 16 or 25 days. That’s definitely like having Mt. Everest in front of him. How will he ever manage to climb all the way to the top? For starters, he’s got me as his sherpa. I can encourage him. I can push him. I can pull him. I can yell at him. But somehow we’re getting up the damn hill! And if the weather turns we’ll just hunker down in our sleeping bags together and have some fun.

Penises may all look alike, but once you try to fit a chastity device to yours, it becomes obvious that we are all very different. A ball capture chastity device — like the CB6000 or Jail Bird — have to very accurately fit in several places. The device itself has a larger ring that is placed behind the balls and then the penis is threaded through as well (Image). In the image, the ring closest to my body is this ring, commonly called the “A” ring or “base ring”. This ring causes the most trouble.

If it is too large, a ball can “escape” during daily wear. Also, it can be too easy to pull the penis out of the cage and back through the base ring. This is not really an issue you should consider, especially in the beginning. What we want is a tight enough fit so that you can just get the tip of your pinky between the ring and the body. When you wear this ring, it should never cause you pain, even if you attempt to get hard.

The cage itself needs to be accurately sized as well. A properly fitting chastity device has the cage touching the penis at all times. The penis is always in contact with the sides and the head of the penis touches the end of the cage as well. Since penises are capable of shrinking quite small, the length of the cage has to be at least 1/4 to 1/2 inch shorter than your shortest flaccid length. The diameter should be about equal to the diameter of your flaccid penis. For a guide to chastity device fitting, take a look at this page.

Just from this short description, it is obvious that an off-the-shelf chastity device is probably never going to be a perfect fit. Some devices come with a range of base rings as well as spacers to adjust the distance between the cage/tube and the base ring. None have a way to change the actual cage size.

The cheapest off-the-shelf chastity devices cost as little as $35 and go up to more than $200. A custom made device starts at around $300 and can go to $500 or more. My Jail Bird was about $ 375 with the security screw lock. Another big difference is the time it takes to get your device. You can get an off-the-shelf device on Amazon overnight. You will wait at least four-to-six weeks for a custom one.

If you just want to try out enforced chastity, you probably want to spend as little as possible and get the device immediately. So, an off-the-shelf chastity device is the logical choice. Regardless of device choice, you need to do a good job measuring. Our fitting guide will give you complete directions on how to do this. Even when buying a cheap device, take your time and measure carefully.

The chances are very small that you will find a device that is perfect for you. This image is me in the best fitting off-the-shelf device I could find. I bought several before I found this one. It’s easy to see that the cage is too long and a bit too wide. The ring was the right diameter, but its flat shape pinched. However, I was able to wear this device in relative comfort full time.

After I had worn it about a week, it was clear to me that Mrs. Lion and I were prepared to go for long term enforced chastity. At that point, I decided to order a custom device. After reading lots of blog and forum posts about devices, it seemed that Mature Metal made excellent devices at a fair price. They have several models. Personally, I liked the Pet Trap best. I wrote to Mature Metal and asked their advice. I sent an email with my measurements (at least what I thought they were at the time): 2″ long, 1 1/2″ wide, base ring 1 3/4″. Based on that, they advised me that the Pet Trap was not going to fit well (I’m too short) and suggested the Jail Bird. I took their advice and that’s what I ordered.

At the time I ordered, I had the off-the-shelf device on for about 10 days. I had to wear it for another six weeks until the Jail Bird finally arrived. It made a very big difference. One big advantage of custom cages is that the manufacturer will make adjustments at reasonable prices. My cage was too long. My shortest penis length, it turns out is 1 1/2″, so much of the time the head didn’t touch the end of the cage. Mature Metal shortened my cage from 1 3/4″ to 1 1/4″. The new, shorter cage is perfect. Recently, I ordered a smaller base ring too. My body had adapted to the cage and the 1 3/4″ ring became too large. My new one is 1 5/8″ and is perfect.

When you get started and decide to get an inexpensive device (my choice), expect the fit to be less than perfect. Also expect it to be a little uncomfortable. If, after a while, you decide you want to stay locked up, then it makes very good sense to get a custom-fitted cage.

This is the cage I settled on until I received my Jail Bird.