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In: Keyholder, Mrs Lion Comments

Part of me wants to spank Lion for stealing my ideas for posts and part of me is happy we’re on the same wavelength. The other day I was formulating a post about WIIFM and there it was as a Lion entry. The same post, Top Drop, stole my idea about the possibility of burning out as a top. Who knew he’d turn into a mind reader?

I will tell you that I am learning a lot about Lion. Perhaps more than he’s ever told me directly. I didn’t know he had ever discussed playing with his ex wife. It’s been difficult for me to keep track of his various partners over the years. He did come of age in the 60s and 70s when having a lot of sex was just what you did. I had the misfortune of coming of age in the AIDS years when people were afraid of dying. That’s why I never sowed my wild oats when I was younger.

Again, in today’s post, Lion proves he’s read my mind. He traces his journey in the lifestyle. I’ve been thinking about writing a post about my, for want of a better word, loneliness in the lifestyle. When Lion was experimenting he had a partner who was at the same stage. They found their way together. Of course I have Lion, but he’s just one voice. Granted he probably has more experience than ten people I could encounter, but when you’re learning about things isn’t it better to have more sources? In school when writing a paper we all griped about needing more than three sources. But now I see the purpose of them. How can I find out more information if I don’t have more sources?

I’ve gone with Lion to a meeting of his BDSM group. They were all his friends. I’m an introvert so it was not really the sort of place I could feel comfortable asking questions. Plus, since I’m a newbie I’m thinking all my questions are going to sound stupid. Why would Lion, with all his experience, have this rookie following him around? We also went to a sort of BDSM conference with workshops and demonstrations. Again, all his friends. And they were all really into this stuff. I mean, really into it. Walking around in handcuffs, pony boy outfits, leather corsets and long leather boots carrying a whip. I was out of my element. So how do I learn? How do I know if what I’m feeling is normal? How do I stop feeling lost? It’s not like laundry or cooking where I can just call my mother and ask what I’m doing wrong. Why aren’t my whites white? Why can’t I get my pork chops to taste like your pork chops? How long should I spank my husband? Nope. Not going to happen.

Agreeing to be Lion’s keyholder has churned up questions again. I guess I’ll always doubt that I am doing enough for him. That’s just my nature. After all, I’ve been doing this for more than ten years now and I still feel like a newbie. After he read this post Lion suggested some books. I’m looking forward to seeing if they answer my questions and/or bolster my confidence.  I’ll let you know.

By:
In: Femdom, Mrs Lion Comments, Sex
mother warning child
My mother warned me to stay away from strange, perverted men. I didn’t listen.

I grew up across the street from a couple where the woman was clearly in charge. Any time I asked if the kids could come out to play the husband always deferred to the wife. She even had him on a short leash. If he wandered across the street to talk to my father it wasn’t long before she was screaming out the door for him to come home. I really have no idea if it was actually that kind of relationship. She may have been just a bossy person. Other than joking about it my parents never discussed it. Not only did we not talk about sex, but normal people didn’t do those sorts of things.

Two of my best friends from high school got married and he once told me that he liked to tie her hands so she couldn’t “help” him during sex. He said she was then able to relax and have much bigger orgasms. We never discussed it again and it never crossed my mind as something I’d want to try. Even after I got married the first time I never thought about how to spice things up. Things were spicy enough for both of us.

Once my marriage ended I decided to sow my wild oats since I had never done anything like that when I was younger. I didn’t really have any expectation of what that meant. I just thought I deserved to have some fun. I signed up for online dating. I chatted with a few guys. Dates were considered but we never actually met. Then Lion found me. Two days after we met online, we met in person. The rest, as they say, is history.

In previous posts I’ve said that Lion suckered me in. No, he didn’t drive up in a Porsche (he wishes), with champagne and caviar. He was just a sweet guy looking for some fun. No mention of anything kinky. Well, that’s not true. He did tell me he had a piercing but he removed it before we met so he didn’t freak me out. See? Dangle that normalcy in front of me, reel me in, closer, closer. I don’t remember when he first put the piercing back in, but it was at least a month or two before he told me what he had in mind.

What was I thinking?
I really don’t know why I didn’t run screaming from him when he said he wanted to be tied up and spanked. I guess I might have if he had suggested tying me up and spanking me. Here he was, only my second sexual partner, asking me to do things I hadn’t ever thought of, and I was going to do it? I wonder if this is how people get hooked on drugs. It went ok the first time. I can stop any time I want to. I’m not addicted. Honest! Then the spankings got harder and then it was tying him up, then it was flogging, then it was caning, then it was cock and ball torture. Right on down the rabbit hole.

So I was hooked. On Lion. Not on his “baggage; just him. And it wasn’t hurting me to hurt him-after the first few times when I was sure I wasn’t going to do him serious bodily harm with my pathetic swats to his backside. He tells me I’m very good at being bad to him. I can get his buns rosy in no time and I’ve learned not to have the “really?” look on my face when he suggests something new. I’ve always done this for him. It has never turned me on. The only desire I have when I’ve got his balls in a vise is that it turns him on. Lately we’ve been working on what turns me on. And I’m fine with not being turned on by what turns him on as long as I get some WIIFM (what’s in it for me) now and then.

My mother may not have talked much about sex with me, but she did warn me there were a lot of strange men out there. And perverts. Lucky me! I wound up with a strange man who is a pervert. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

By:
In: Keyholder, Mrs Lion Comments

So far every caged male I’ve read about has initiated the caging. He’s fantasized about it and finally gets the courage to approach his partner with the idea. Usually the couple has been involved in some sort of play, but there are some men who seemingly come out of nowhere with the proposal. That’s the way it happened with Lion and me. He toyed with the idea for years before seriously presenting it to me.

I’m wondering how many women actually initiate the caging. It stands to reason that if the woman is the top and looking for ways to up the ante, so to speak, she may consider caging her male. How does that conversation go? For the most part, women seem to be shocked or confused when asked to cage their males. Are men shocked when it’s presented to them? Do they jump at the chance? Do they need time to warm up to the idea?

Is it that forced chastity is a concept by and for males? How many women actually heard of this practice?  If you are a woman who has caged her male or a male who did not initiate the caging, please let us know how it all happened. It will add yet another perspective to our story.

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In: Femdom, Keyholder, Mrs Lion Comments

Well, I did. Sort of. I am notorious for thinking I want something and then either not having any clue how to get it, or deciding once I have it that it wasn’t really what I wanted at all. So I wind up with exercise equipment that just sits there and collects dust, and then I’m pining over that next piece of exercise equipment that I’m sure I want but I really know it will take its place gathering dust with the others. (Don’t panic, Lion. I’m not talking about you or the cage.)

I thought I was brilliant when I gave Lion the task of making breakfast on the weekends. I’ve been doing breakfast every morning for the better part of a decade. It’s his turn now. I did not think this through. I should have kept the weekends and given him the weekdays.

Lion loves blueberry pancakes with walnuts. He won’t make them for himself and he never asks me to make them because I don’t like pancakes. Every so often I make him his pancakes and I either eat them too or make myself eggs. But this generally happens on the weekends. And guess whose job it is to make breakfast on the weekends. Not mine. Rats.

This may not seem like a major problem and in the overall scheme of things it isn’t. But it all goes back to my inconsistencies. If I tell him I want to make breakfast on a weekend, then haven’t I just undermined my own rule? When he was uncaged recently he wanted to be recaged as soon as possible and part of the reason was that he didn’t want me to slip into my old habit again. If I make breakfast one weekend day once in a while, is it a slippery slope that soon goes to both days every weekend? And then what about the other rules? I admit I haven’t made many, but I don’t want to lose whatever progress I made. On the other hand, I make the rules so I should be able to amend them on a moment’s notice.

When I spoke to Lion about this he said he’d thought of the pancake problem too. I don’t know if he had any fixes in mind, but I do. Obviously, I could just take that one day back every few weeks and make him his pancakes. Or we could swap a day. I make pancakes on Sunday and he makes breakfast Monday. Or, and this is my favorite but certainly won’t be his, he can do weekdays while I do weekends.

The important part is to keep the communication flowing. If we can’t solve the pancake problem, how can we solve the bigger problems that are sure to arise along the way?