Domestic discipline (Page 13)

After Mrs. Lion read my post yesterday (“Time For Her To Take A Stand“), she agreed that it would be difficult to enforce more serious rules. We didn’t have much time to talk about it. My sense is that it’s one thing to punish me for things that aren’t very important to either of us but another to enforce rules that represent real behavioral issues.

This must be why I am rarely punished for interrupting. I thought it was because she wanted to be fair and didn’t want to spank me because her general mood was bad. I see now that it’s something else. All of the rules she has enforced to date represent relatively small stuff: eating before she starts, spilling food, not setting up the coffee pot, and leaving the shower door open. None of those offenses challenge my role or judge me on a deeper level.

I can’t know how other couples operate beyond what I read in various blogs. I get the sense that disciplined husbands ask for domestic discipline in the context of behaviors that caused conflicts in the marriage. Things like drinking too much and behaving in ways that may have caused fights in the past. Domestic discipline is a way to resolve these problems without the heavy emotional pain that unresolved arguing causes. Above all, that spanking closes the book on the particular problem. Introducing spanking is a way to improve harmony.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t fight. We may have had a few disagreements, but they never rise to the level of angry arguments. That doesn’t mean I am a perfect husband. Mrs. Lion is a very forgiving wife and sees the good in me instead of focusing on my faults. I see her the same way. In that sense, domestic discipline isn’t strictly needed for our marriage.

We started it because I thought it would make a good thing better. Mrs. Lion never saw it that way. She agreed that it was something I wanted badly and saw no harm in enforcing some rules. It’s clear that she never considered it a relationship tool. That doesn’t mean she isn’t serious about it. She is absolutely consistent in punishing me when I break a rule. Her spankings are severe and absolutely no fun for me.

When I asked her to expand her disciplinary role to cover behaviors we both know aren’t good for me, she hasn’t said yes. It can’t be because she minds punishing me. She spanks me with impunity. She said it is her goal to make me hurt as much as possible for the duration of the spanking and to make it hurt for days afterward. She usually does. If it isn’t feelings about spanking me, it’s feelings about being in the position of correcting me outside of the rather trivial rules we already have.

correcting my behavior isn’t changing our marital roles

I suspect that she doesn’t want to be the boss. Escalating punishment to cover things like interrupting, being snippy, a know-it-all, or arrogant might be seen as giving her power she doesn’t want. I get it. I don’t think our roles change because she can punish me. Here’s why. We both agree that spanking is an effective way to get me to learn things. We’ve proven that over and over as I stop breaking rules, she’s made. I learn when she uses her paddles.

As I see it, extending the rules to consistently cover behavioral problems is no different than training me to close the shower door. My position in our marriage doesn’t change. I still make most of the decisions. All that changes is that she has a new set of opportunities to catch me and punish me. She likes catching me. I get the real benefit. If she is consistent, my behavior will change. I want that. Helping me change things we agree need modification isn’t making her my mommy. It just expands her role as my loving teacher. I’m still the lion; maybe a little sore, but still the same critter I was before I learned to be a better man.

If you noticed interruptions in our service, it’s because we are moving to a newer version of some software and that requires some major work on the site. I don’t expect much trouble, but if you can’t reach us, try again in a few minutes. I still have a couple of tricky issues to solve in the next few days.

Mrs. Lion gave me a great blowjob on Sunday night. She worked hard and made it amazing for me. We also spent a lot of time snuggling and holding hands. We had a very good Sunday.

She read my post from yesterday morning, “The Best Reasons To Spank Me.” So far, she hasn’t commented beyond acknowledging that she read it. Between her needing to get extra work done and my website tinkering, she didn’t write a post yesterday afternoon. More often than not, she’ll talk about her thinking on my proposals in that post. I wonder if correcting me for more meaningful issues is just as difficult as punishing me for annoying her.

Some people have suggested that our rather trivial rules could be more an excuse to exercise a spanking fetish than true domestic discipline. We don’t think so, but there is something to be said about what does and doesn’t get punished here. So far, Mrs. Lion only punishes me for breaking rules that have no emotional loading for either of us. I don’t feel particularly guilty if I forget to set up the coffee or leave the shower door open. However, I am punished every time I do, so I’ve learned to be good about doing those things. How are they different from rules about arrogance, interrupting, and not using the treadmill?

The main difference I see is that those rules involve emotional issues for me. Well, the treadmill doesn’t, but that’s a different matter. The point is that these are not trivial issues. All represent opportunities for me to improve. They also are things I’ve resisted changing in the past. Is Mrs. Lion worried that I will be angry with her if she enforces them? Might I rebel and withdraw?

Those are potential risks, given that she’s never taken a proactive stand about anything I might resist. She spoils me. I love it, but I also think it’s time for some lioness risk-taking. There’s no doubt that enhancing our domestic discipline to deal with these more-serious issues will challenge her resolve to stand up to me. I don’t think I would refuse to accept her punishment, no matter how grumpy calling me out makes me. I also think that putting her foot down in more serious areas might bring us closer as well.

When we started domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion created easy-to-break rules that were meant to help us learn to incorporate domestic discipline into our marriage. The rules were useful but not exactly life-changing. They covered some basic manners and simple chores. They met their goal and firmly established DD in our lives. They also established a pattern that may have hurt our disciplinary evolution.

Mrs. Lion said that a big reason she spanks me is that’s the way I learn. It’s true. Even when she wasn’t spanking very hard or long, I stopped breaking those little rules. I didn’t consciously work to avoid breaking them. I just stopped. Spanking me is effective for behavior modification. I think she recognized this before I did. She never discussed it with me.

Those little rules and her enforcement taught us more than the value of spanking me. It taught Mrs. Lion the importance of rigid consistency. Regardless of how trivial, if I am expected to follow a rule, and I miss, I get a full punishment spanking. At times that felt unfair, but she punished me. This helped create very healthy disciplinary habits, but I think it also diverted our attention from a key aspect of domestic discipline.

Mrs. Lion only created rules around very specific chores that had no emotional loading. For example, my most recent rule is to always keep the shower door closed. It’s a good rule. If the door is left open, the dog gets in and makes a mess. There’s no risk I will be angry or hurt because she enforces it. The need is obvious and I have no emotional investment in the shower door. The rule is risk-free.

Every so often, she has mentioned things she should enforce, like an exercise program for me. Even though she has mentioned and written about this, she’s never done it. The benefit to me is obvious, and it wouldn’t be difficult for her to set it up for me. I don’t know exactly why she hasn’t, but I suspect there may be two big reasons. The first is that she isn’t exercising and may feel it is unfair to require me to do something she isn’t. The second is that she may think it would be hard for me to do. She’s right. Perhaps she’s a little worried that I will refuse, and she might not be able to firmly order me to the spanking bench.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t like to be prescriptive. She is laid back and happy to let things just happen. I love that about her. I also think that it would be better for me if she weren’t quite so forgiving. I’m a combination of alpha and procrastinator. In many areas of my life I charge ahead and get things done. In others, I’m happy to put things off. Is it any wonder Mrs. Lion and I fit so well?

That brings me back to our approach to domestic discipline. I saw it as a way to assure that Mrs. Lion has a strong voice in our marriage. Maybe that was just my ego talking. She sees it differently. Her take is that it is the way I learn. She’s right. Now that we’ve established a real value for it, she’s stuck with applying that value to helping me learn. There’s her challenge.

So far, I’ve been full of helpful and not-so-helpful suggestions. I’m probably the worst source of ideas on how I need to improve. I don’t have the obvious problems of drinking and staying out late. I have others and I know she is aware of them. I also know that the way I’ve suggested she apply DD is based on my original assumption of empowering her. I think that’s my biggest mistake.

She doesn’t feel the need to be empowered any more than she is. She doesn’t want to change her role. I keep pushing her to change her mind. For example, I suggested that since she hates it when I interrupt her, she should punish me when I do. The problem with that statement is that I am saying the reason to punish me is because it annoys her when I interrupt. I’m telling her to punish me because of how I affect her. Well, I suppose that is a very good reason. It isn’t the best one.

If she and I agree that DD is a great teaching tool for me, then shouldn’t she be using it to teach me? She could teach me not to annoy her, but she clearly doesn’t feel that is a goal she wants to achieve. I finally realized that it isn’t the one that makes the most sense for me either. Interrupting is rude. Shouldn’t I learn not to do it? Of course, it annoys her. It also annoys everyone else. Duh!

Mrs. Lion can teach me to stop. She can teach me all sorts of good things, things that will make me a better, healthier person. That’s why spanking me every time I interrupt her is important. It doesn’t matter if I annoy her or not. It’s an undesirable behavior that she can extinguish. Teaching me to exercise on the treadmill every day is going to extend my life. Getting me to avoid arrogance and know-it-all behavior will make me a better person.

Domestic discipline is about educating me. When Mrs. Lion has no emotional investment in a rule–like the coffee pot or shower door–she has no trouble enforcing it. If she considers things like rudeness or disregard for my health, they aren’t about her. They are about me and improving my life. Aren’t those the very best reasons to spank me?

Mrs. Lion has been a little under the weather. She has been sneezing and stuffy. I suggested that it might be allergies. I hope that’s all it is. She hasn’t felt well enough to do anything sexual for the last week. That’s certainly understandable. With the sort of irony my body loves, I’ve been horny. I’ve been hoping for some late-afternoon fun. I’m still due a “Just Because” spanking, but that can wait until Mrs. Lion is completely symptom-free. I’m such a nice guy.

I’ve been procrastinating about writing for some time now. I’m pretty discouraged by the unanimous lack of interest that agents have shown my work. I realize that literary agents would be selling real estate if they had better driving skills. Still, this group of self-centered women represents an author’s only real chance to get published. I never liked real estate agents. Anyway, I’m going to get back to writing this weekend.

As you probably guessed, I’m not in a very good mood. Writing is an isolating occupation. The interactive aspect comes after the work is done. Then it’s either rejection or critique. Oh well. Maybe I’m in the wrong business right now. It doesn’t matter. I like to write, and I’ve discovered that writing fiction is big fun. I just hoped to make a few bucks from doing it.

Since this post is a sort of potpourri of topics, I might point out that there has been a recent flurry of comments on my post yesterday morning. They open up an interesting topic that might be good to discuss at length some other time. It isn’t whether or not Mrs. Lion and I actually practice domestic discipline. It’s that my rather broad statements about DD having sexual roots is perceived by some as an attack on the true nature of the activity.

Apparently, suggesting that there is a sexual component also implies that the activity is BDSM or <gasp> femdom. I don’t see the connection. I also don’t see the implied insult in suggesting this. One of the primary sources for my interest in domestic discipline came from the old Disciplinary Wives Club website. It’s full of useful information on one approach to spanking. I also found it hot. Check it out and see for yourself.

I certainly can’t know why every man asks his wife to spank him. I know why I did, and I’ve read lots of blogs and forums over the years where other guys discuss the topic. There are hundreds of comments on this blog supporting the idea that the initial thought of being spanked was sexual. I know from my experience that once disciplinary spanking becomes part of the marriage, it isn’t BDSM or sex. It’s real domestic discipline. ‘Nuff said.

Dan brought up an interesting point indirectly. He suggested that our rather lighthearted approach to spanking, and indirectly domestic discipline, is evidence that it’s some sort of BDSM/femdom play to us. Mrs. Lion usually refers to spanking me as giving me swats when she delivers “Just Because” spankings. Usually, when I break a rule, she says she will punish me. She prefers the word “swats” to spank. She also takes on a lighthearted tone when discussing DD. She prefers the less serious approach.

It makes sense to me. If she’s angry, she won’t punish me. She only spanks me when she’s calm. Punishment in our house is delivered in a calm, routine way. That doesn’t make it less painful. My behavior is corrected by her punishments.

She said it best in a comment yesterday —

“As far as empowering me is concerned, I’ve said I don’t feel empowered by spanking him for interrupting me. However, it is the way he learns.“