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In: Advice for a new keyholder, diapers, Femdom, Lion's Journal

While the Internet and the Web have made it possible to find people who share your interests, it has also imposed a kind of crowd-sourced set of labels to people that force them in to social molds that make no sense. My biggest pet peeve are the “dom” and “sub” labels. Forced male chastity is a victim of this tyranny of labels. Since the web folks love labels, anyone who has power over someone and demonstrates it is “dom”, and anyone who accepts this control is “sub”.

In the real world, this just isn’t the case. Before the Internet and its idiotic labels, people in the leather community (folks who practiced power exchange and socialized with others who share this interest) did not identify this way at all. I am part of it. We recognize that all this play involves “roles”. That is, for a time or with a given partner, we are “tops” or “bottoms”. A top has the power and the bottom surrenders it to the top. This doesn’t imply that either the top or bottom is always in control in everything. It means that in the context of an agreed-to circumstance or period of time, like an evening, the people will take their particular roles.

This much more reasonable view is a better way to think about forced male chastity. As a caged male, when I surrendered the key to my lioness I didn’t relinquish all control of my life. As my keyholder she didn’t agree to dominate me and make every decision in our relationship. What a burden that would be for her! All we agreed to was that she would have sexual control over me. She would decide if and when my penis would get to stretch out and perhaps, ejaculate. I also asked if she would consider making some rules that I could follow. These rules didn’t have to center on my penis. She agreed to try. She made one that is a doozy; I spend every weekend in diapers. Fair enough! I asked and she granted my wish.

The limits of her topping are negotiated. She has to be willing to take the role in the requested context. As a bottom, I also have the right to negotiate the limits of her powers as my top.  We both expect that this will change over time. She knows I get turned on by punishments for infractions. This is hard for her. She knows a spanking hurts and I am not sexually aroused while she inflicts it. What she may not know is that even though I hate it at the time, it feeds a deep-seated need inside me. The same is true of rules. I know that when she learned I didn’t like peeing in a diaper all weekend,  her resolved seemed to soften. But I don’t want to like it. I want to feel her power. If diapers are one of her choices to demonstrate her control, then wearing them gives me a deep satisfaction.

As I mentioned in my last post, it can be a good idea to put a “price” on orgasms. Last night I had a delightful orgasm. While she was playing with me she informed me that if I come, I will have to eat my semen. Yuck! But, you know what? Deep down I was very happy. My lioness was showing her sexual control. I came and I had a little yucky snack. It didn’t taste good, but it felt wonderful. I think this is the hardest thing for a new top to understand: while I hate what she is doing, sometimes enough to try to get away, another more important part of me loves it. She is doing me a great kindness. The more I hate it and even protest, and the more she steadfastly sticks with her resolve, the more deep down satisfaction I get. It’s a paradox that is way too subtle for the Internet labels of “dom” and “sub.”

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In: diapers, Lion's Journal, Sex
pegging is an activity that many caged males consider part of their chastity. here i am accepting my lioness' toy.
Pegging is an activity that many caged males consider part of their chastity. Here I am accepting my lioness’ toy anally. She was very patient by slowly inserting so that I could get used to her penetration.

It’s been only three days since my last orgasm, but to me it feels like forever. This is one of my horny times. I don’t know if other males experience this, but my interest in sex seems to fluctuate in some sort of rhythm. When it is at its peak, like now, I want to have sex constantly. Well, not really constantly, but at least daily. When I was younger I did, in fact, come every day. My lioness remembers that and mentions it to me occasionally. She even wrote about it here in a comment to my Gratitude post. Some males really like being forced to wait a long time between orgasms. It enhances their feeling of being controlled. I think it also does that to me too.

My lioness is not by nature a dominant person. She is giving and accepting by nature. In terms of power exchange, we are mismatched. So far she shows no signs of getting any deep pleasure from locking me up and controlling me sexually. She does it because she knows I want it. However, its only been a couple of months and there is always the chance that she will find her pleasure in this play.

It’s all about control
Sometimes it isn’t obvious why I like being caged. It’s not just because I love my lioness deciding if, when, and how I come. It is also about control: power exchange. There is no doubt that the continuous presence of a cage around my cock expresses my lioness’ control over my ability to reach orgasm. But like everything else in life, the fact that it is there 24/7, I grow accustomed to its presence. So, like many other caged males, I like – or more correctly need – additional reminders. When my lioness makes a rule I must follow (like being naked at home or having to spend my weekends in diapers), I am happily reminded of her control. When she spanks me or finds other things to do to me or for me to do, my enjoyment of her control increases. I love feeling her power over me.

One of the key tenets of forced chastity is that I have to wait for any sexual release and that release is at the pleasure of my lioness keyholder. That means there is a sexual desert for me with oasis far apart. Of course I can pleasure my lioness when she wishes. That’s certainly a very enjoyable sexual activity for me. But, all in all, my penis gets lonely in solitary. Many couples practicing forced chastity find other entertainments. These activities are generally entertaining to the keyholder and provide welcome attention to the caged male.

Ruined Orgasm
This practice does let the caged male ejaculate, but with a twist. It’s not hard to do and many women find it amusing. Just masturbate the male until he is ready to ejaculate. Just as he hits the peak stop stimulating his penis. If you’ve gotten him past the point of no return, he will begin to ejaculate. Generally, it will be semen just dripping out of his penis. When that happens to me (accidentally, in my case), I get a feeling like a door is closing. It’s not a satisfying orgasm and I feel the pleasure dripping out of my penis with the semen. It feels very submissive to me. My lioness has essentially taken my semen without giving me the sensation I love.

In the beginning, if you are new at this, you may stop too soon. When you stop, wait about ten seconds. If nothing comes out, resume masturbating him. It won’t take long for you to successfully ruin his orgasm. After he stops dripping, try going back to masturbating him. If he didn’t ejaculate his entire semen supply, you will be able to repeat the ruined orgasm again and again. You will know he is done when he gets soft while you masturbate him. If he remains hard, you can keep going. Some males can leak semen several times. To be clear, while this is frustrating, it is also fun for the male. After all, you are arousing him and he is getting to ejaculate. If my lioness does this to me, I count it as a chance to come. It isn’t my first choice on how I want to do it, but it is still sex. For males who want to be denied for long periods of time, this is probably not an activity you want to do. It does count as coming in a twisted way.

Pegging
This is the practice of anally penetrating your male. Strictly speaking, it is not part of forced chastity, but many keyholders and their caged males like this because it asserts female control in a very graphic way. There are a few things to know about this hobby. First of all, you caged male will probably whine loudly when you begin penetrating him. You may need to restrain him until he learns to manage his new activity. First consider the hardware.

Many women have inserted a finger into their partner’s anus during sexual play. They may have gotten less-than-positive feedback for doing it. Pegging is different. Your caged male has surrendered sexual control to you. If that includes things like pegging, you have permission to do it. You need to remember this since he will have a learning curve. Males will complain that whatever you are inserting is too big. Unless you are inserting something the size of your arm, this isn’t true. He just isn’t used to relaxing and letting you penetrate  him. A good first pegging toy is a medium-sized dildo. You can find a good guide to dildos here. I suggest you make his first toy a smaller dildo. If it is under 1 1/2 inches in diameter, it will be perfect as his training wheels. A diameter between 1 and 1 1/4 inches is perfect as a starter. Length is not important. Depth of insertion is something you can easily control. Any man is able to accept an eight-inch-long dildo with ease once he has been conditioned to pegging. Silicone dildos are easy to keep clean and can be put in the dishwasher or boiled. Realistic looking dildos have a special little zing for your male. Making him suck it before you insert it also adds to his helpless feelings.

To teach him to accept pegging, start by very slowing inserting the dildo as deeply as you can. Use a lot of lube. If you get a child’s medication syringe (you know, the device that you fill with cough medicine and shoot into the child’s mouth; you can find them at your local drugstore), you can actually shoot some lube up his ass before you begin. Shooting that lube in will improve his comfort. Be sure the outside of his anus is well lubed too. Get a finger full of lube and massage his anus and his entire crack. Most of the pain associated with pegging is caused by friction between the toy and his ass. There is no such thing as too much lube.

Very slowly, but relentlessly push the dildo up his ass. Once it is already in, hold it in place until he gets used to his new visitor. After he gets used to having the dildo up his ass, begin moving it in and out. Don’t remove it entirely and then push it in; just move it in and out, keeping the head up his ass. After a few sessions, you will be able to remove it entirely and then shove it back in. Gradually pick up speed. Do this for at least 15 minutes. He needs time to learn to love your penis. Repeat this exercise at least three times a week. The objective is to teach him to relax his anus when you want to penetrate him.

Once he can accept your penis without too much complaining – some males always complain; it shouldn’t stop you – you can consider getting a strap-on harness. A harness allows you to attach the dildo to your body as though the penis was part of you. That is the essence of true pegging. If you experiment with placement of the dildo on your body, you probably can find a spot where it stimulates your clitoris as you peg him. You can actually fuck him until you come. Over time, consider getting larger (diameter) toys so that he can learn to accept more and more from you. Some women like to compare their penises with their partner’s. They point out how small his is in comparison to hers.

Another fun anal addition is the butt plug. Butt plugs are shaped so that they remain inserted without having to be held in. They come in a wide variety of sizes and offer you the opportunity to train him to accept anal visits without your full attention. Again, use lots of lube and silicone is the most trouble-free material for butt plugs. He can hold a plug in his ass for at least an hour at a time. The main problem that comes up is that the lube can dissipate during his wearing time. That would make removal very painful. To cure this, lube your finger and insert it between the plug and his anus. You can manually re-lube the plug and then remove it.

Above all, remember that if he agreed to pegging, he doesn’t get to control how you do it. He will have discomfort. That’s part of learning to please you. In terms of danger, remember that he poops fairly large objects all the time. His anus is capable of accepting much more than he realizes. The key is to condition him to relax and accept whatever you want to insert, even your hand after he gets good at relaxing for you.

In my experience, the hardest thing for keyholders to understand, at least at first, is that this is what he asked for. I am sure that like me, in his mind, pegging would be fun for him. He will learn that it isn’t going to be all fun. It’s one more thing you can teach your caged male. I will post about other activities a keyholder can do in future posts. Please leave your comments on your play.

By:
In: diapers, Lion's Journal

Last night I got a sweet surprise. Mrs. Lion started a teasing session. She took me out of my cage and played with my penis until I was just ready to come. She stopped and I sighed. She ignored my sound. I was left out of my cage. About a half hour later, she began again. This time, when I was very close, I said, “I’m about to come.” I wanted to help her if her intention was teasing me. She didn’t stop. I had the predictable result, a very nice juice orgasm. After I calmed down, I asked her why she was so kind to me. Her reply, “I know you are starting a new job tomorrow and I don’t want you to be grumpy.”

How thoughtful! Mrs. Lion always has my best interests in mind. I can count on her to keep me safe and happy. Well, not always happy. Last night we went to a concert. Before we left, she offered me a choice: wear my cage or wear a diaper to the concert. She said, “I am pretty sure which you will pick.”

I picked the cage, of course. She knew I would. I spent all night out of a diaper. So nice to use the toilet! Got an email this morning from Mature Metal; my Jail Bird cage was mailed today. In a couple of days I will be able to report on how it feels to wear a custom-fit cage. Hopefully the measurements are right and that will be my permanent home. Feels a bit odd to say “permanent” but I think that is accurate.

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In: diapers, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Sex

Last night was full of surprises for me. I have been getting increasingly comfortable in my temporary cage. So last night we settled in to watch some TV. At nine, I asked Mrs. Lion if she would like to see one of the programs we have on our DVR. She said that she had another idea. With that she freed me from my cage and used her hand to get me extremely excited. That’s not too hard to do. She stopped and told me to turn over. She then went to our guest room and returned with a riding crop and a nasty paddle. She told me that this is a reward for being so good about my diaper wearing. I got a very nice spanking. It was just hard enough to sting and turn my butt a nice pink.  She told me to roll over onto my back. Of course I did that post haste!

She then started playing with me. Out loud she asked, “What shall we trade tonight?”

I knew she was referring to my last orgasm. I traded two additional nights in diapers for that one. I answered, “Whatever you want.”

No response. She continued playing. Then to my surprise, she began giving me oral sex. I was sure that just before I could come that she would stop and either lock me up or give me a difficult choice. That didn’t happen. She just continued until I had a huge orgasm. Wow, what a surprise!

Afterward she said, “I just couldn’t stop. I love making you come.”

I said that I love when she does. Hardly a shocking response. Then, she locked me up again. I also asked her if my ejaculation was stronger. She said that it was. That’s great. I have been doing male kegel exercises for the last few weeks. Before starting, I would hardly ejaculate when I came. Semen would dribble out for a long time afterward. I thought that it was just aging. Then I remembered kegels. A little research on the web confirmed that a weak PC muscle was probably at fault. So, after reading the Mayo Clinic site and some others, I began twice-daily exercise sessions.

If you think this would be helpful to you, it’s really easy. First teach yourself which muscle you need to tense. You can easily do this by stopping yourself from peeing in mid stream. The muscle you used to do that is the same one you exercise. Now, clench that muscle tight and count to ten; one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, etc. Wait ten seconds and repeat. Do ten reps. Do this twice a day. One warning: I overdid it and ended up with a nasty lower back ache. So, don’t overdo it. You won’t get noticeable results until you have been exercising for at least three weeks. If there is no difference after a month, you may not be tightening the right muscles.

All I can say is that when I am allowed to ejaculate, it all comes out at the right moment. Mrs. Lion says I make more semen and it squirts more. Progress! Mrs. Lion is also making good progress as well. She seems to have a nice sense of the rhythm of my chastity. She is incorporating into our daily lives. Progress all around!