We got a comment on my post, “Non-punishment Punishment Spanking,” asking if I felt any kinship to dominants in the relationship like myself. The writer posited that I hang out with other dominants. Perhaps there’s a Tuesday night meeting of Spankers Anonymous. That was my addition, not his/hers. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but there’s no one like me. Let me explain.
I can only remember going to two BDSM events. One was a meeting and one was an event with workshops and a dungeon. I had only been living with Lion for a short time and almost everything was new to me. Sure, I’d been spanking him and doing other things, but I was very much a newbie. Lion knew many people at each. I don’t do well in most social situations, and these were weird ones, so I was very uncomfortable.
You probably bristled at my calling them weird situations. Did I just call you weird? Well, yes. But I’m weird too. We’re just weird in different ways. The thing is, unlike Lion, I never thought about spanking anyone or being spanked myself. The wildest thing I ever did was anal sex. I assume that’s why it took me so long to figure out how to spank effectively. If I had any prior interest in it, I might have given Lion a sore butt from the outset.
The reason I spank Lion is because he likes it. I’m talking play spanking. He thinks he likes punishment spanking, but he changes his mind as soon as the spanking bench comes out. Let’s just say he likes the idea of spanking. In the moment, he may regret it.
When he suggested making rules and punishing him for real, I figured it was just more spanking so why not. It’s a new game. Then we kept refining it. We realized that he no longer spilled food on his shirt. What? This shit really works! We still keep refining it. I never assume we’re finished. There’s always some little tweak we can do to make it more effective.
What would happen if Lion wanted to stop being punished? I’ve fallen for this in the past. He’s said he can give up BDSM because all he really wants is to be with me. I call BS. We did stop for a while. I don’t mean we stopped like when we had very little sex. I mean we still had sex, but there were no more clothespins and the paddles collected dust. He was not happy. I don’t remember how long it took, but we were back in a fairly short amount of time. It didn’t bother me because I do it for Lion.
Now, punishment is a little different. Shockingly, it does work. There’s really very little I care to change about him. Does he interrupt? Yup. Do I wish he wouldn’t? Yup. Is it a deal breaker? Nope. If he wanted to go back to play spanking only, I think I’d be okay with it. It might take me a little while to relearn how to start out slow again, but I could still ramp it up to the I-want-to-bruise-his-butt swats. By the way, I see that part as a challenge. If he said no to bruising, I’d be fine. I’ll do (almost) anything he wants.
As far as kinship is concerned, I don’t know anyone else who does what we do. For all I know, everyone I know does what we do. We don’t discuss it. Lion tried for a long time to get me to read other blogs and form connections with other people. It’s not my thing. I do it for him. If something happens to Lion and there’s another guy in my life somewhere far down the road, will I spank him? I doubt it. Then again, I never thought I’d do it for Lion until he asked.
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Thank you for responding to my comment, but……”The writer posited that I hang out with other dominants”? No, I said ‘interact’, presumably with folks who comment here who might share your sensibilities, or that Mr. Lion has told you about. But your response was humorous so no harm no foul. You post also highlighted some distinctions I hadn’t caught onto in other posts, so thanks again. I believe I have a clearer idea of what your spanking situation is like.