Yesterday, Mrs. Lion responded to my questions in her post, “Answering Questions“. As often happens, her answers raised things I need to talk about. The first one is very difficult for me. It has to do with my efforts to achieve erections. When I started to try to solve my problem, it didn’t occur to me that arousal and orgasm would be issues. I assumed that if I could get a nice, solid boner, the rest would follow.
Well, it isn’t working out quite that way. So far, it feels good when the injection makes me hard. It is exciting. But I often feel some sort of effect from the injection itself. There is a little soreness. This is a common side effect and isn’t medically important. But it does distract me. Another complication is that my boner used to signal that I was ready to go. I was aroused and erect. Now, I am erect but not necessarily fully aroused. That means going straight to oral sex will take more effort from Mrs. Lion.
There have been plenty of times in the past when I just couldn’t get to the edge when Mrs. Lion tried. It didn’t seem to bother her, probably because she knew that she turned me on by getting me excited enough to get hard. Now, the erection is chemically induced and I think that she doesn’t feel that she is the reason I want sex. This is reinforced when I can’t ejaculate.
It’s true that my erection is chemically induced. It’s not even a little true that I am not turned on by my lioness. She absolutely turns me on. She’s the only reason I work so hard to get hard. I wouldn’t bother if she didn’t turn me on. Another point she made was that she feels rejected if I fall asleep when we are together. Like my ED, that is something I don’t control. It just happens. I’m sure that is just my body doing its own thing. We need to talk more.
About spankings
Mrs. Lion wrote, “I realized a few weeks ago that spanking seems to have become just one more thing to add to my to-do list. Even if I catch him breaking a rule, I still have to follow up with the spanking…Maybe I just need to spank him for the hell of it to reset the spanking gene.”
I’ve been thinking that Mrs. Lion has grown tired of doing things with me. While she was thinking that she doesn’t turn me on anymore, I’ve been thinking that she doesn’t want to do anything with me outside of day-to-day chores. Spanking and our disciplinary relationship seem to be gone. It isn’t the same when Mrs. Lion spanks me because I whine about it here on the blog. It really counts when she just tells me to mount the spanking bench without prompting from me. That sends a real message to me.
Maybe that’s the problem. Mrs. Lion feels that she doesn’t turn me on, and I feel that she isn’t really that interested in me. We are making things worse for one another. The only thing I can do is to try to adapt to the Trimix injections and return to a more normal version of myself. I can’t motivate Mrs. Lion to get out her paddles. Maybe writing yesterday’s post got her thinking about spanking me.
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“The only thing I can do is to try to adapt to the Trimix injections and return to a more normal version of myself”
I don’t have any suggestions, but some part of me bristles at the combination of helpless and inaccurate. “Only” and other extreme signifiers often indicate distorted thinking.