Even though I had a nice orgasm just a few days ago, sex is on my mind. That isn’t going to surprise you. After all, I am a sex blogger. My thoughts have been going to what sex means beyond the obvious physical activities. Both men and women can be aroused simply by thinking about something that turns them on. This can be as innocent as the smile on a lover’s face. Happy memories produce real physical reactions.

There are tons of jokes about what people think about during sex. The underlying reality is that we all produce mental images during physical stimulation. The jokes come in because almost everyone fantasizes about more than just the current sexual action. I think it’s interesting that we produce mental movies to accompany our sexual activities. Does picturing a different partner or situation means that the real-life activity is somehow lacking?

That’s the source of many sitcom plots. Is it insulting to imagine sex with a movie star while having sex with your wife? Is that cheating? I’ve never pictured any specific sexual object, like a movie star, while Mrs. Lion gets me off. My thoughts tend to drift toward fantasy situations, like a sex party where Mrs. Lion is getting me off with others watching. Or I might picture a BDSM situation where I am helpless (Hint: I love bondage). I imagine that frequently.

Even when I’m actually restrained, my mind will focus on my loss of control and might take me back to a party where I was in a similar situation. I find it hard to stay in the here-and-now during sex. It’s different when Mrs. Lion does CBT or other BDSM activities. Then, I am right there experiencing the sensations and focused on what is happening to me.

I don’t understand why my mental location shifts when sex starts. Perhaps there is a connection in my brain (yours too, maybe) that interprets the intensely pleasurable sensations in a way that starts a fantasy. I wonder if the blind, animal reality of sex frees the mind to wander. A primitive, lizard brain activity releases the conscious mind to drift. Once sex starts, there is nothing else to do.

I was never noisy during sex. One lover wanted me to learn to talk to her during sex. She decided to train me to do this. She started to jerk me off and told me that she would stop if I didn’t talk to her. It was incredibly hard for me to do it. She stopped several times when I became quiet. I struggled to get my wits about me and resume talking. Somehow I managed to talk myself to an orgasm. I’m sure I was babbling stupid things like, “Oh, that feels good!”

Having to talk reduced the intensity of my orgasm. I desperately wanted to retreat into my mental cave and just let the sensations wash over me. I wanted to produce my own mental movie without sharing it. The result of her training program is that I learned to make sounds when I am near or having an orgasm. I never mastered conversation during sex.

I learned that I want to retreat into that dark, warm place. It isn’t populated with different lovers. I like to watch mental movies with me in various situations. When those movies come to life, and I’m really tied down, the movies are in 3D with surround sound. Otherwise, they are plain movies.

I know that I’m not alone. The Universal Studios theme park has a roller coaster that has riders wear an artificial reality viewer. The presentation in the viewer has movement corresponding to the actual ride. It’s very intense. Having sex where the live activity matches a favorite fantasy is similarly intense. This is one reason that wearing a male chastity device is so intensely exciting. It’s a very hot fantasy brought to life.

It seems to me that the more we pay attention to our fantasies and share them with our partners, the more likely it will be that our dreams will come true.

Listen to this post.