Everyone has their idea of what sex is all about. The first time we discover that if we rub a certain way, something new and amazing happens. Some people find out by accident. It feels good to touch down there. I wonder what will happen if I keep touching. Some of us are taught. A group of kids sit in a circle and play truth or dare. Tame questions about sex turn into dares to get naked. You get the picture.
The point is that most of us learned that sex was a finite process that began with genital stimulation and ended in orgasm. We males never really escape that perspective. Sex for us ends in ejaculation. We are designed to work that way. Male arousal isn’t gradual. Stimulate the penis enough, and we go from excited to ejaculation in three seconds. We are driven to get to that point.
Females are programmed to reach orgasm in a linear path. As stimulation continues, arousal gradually grows until orgasm finally happens. Many women can have multiple orgasms. This is no accident. To assure the survival of the species, the female has to remain receptive until the male can ejaculate. Nature is indifferent to whether or not she has an orgasm.
This difference in our design is central to male chastity. You can get a man’s attention by preventing ejaculation. Male masturbation is one strategy to keep him in heat. Both men and women will lose interest in sex when none is available. I think that the main reason most men masturbate their entire lives is that drive to stay ready to propagate. Mrs. Lion and I have learned that my libido is easily reduced to background noise simply by preventing ejaculation for some time.
This subject–lost male libido–doesn’t usually come up because most men freely masturbate. Those of us who try male chastity often start out on the theory that preventing the ability to ejaculate will result in massive arousal almost all the time. We think this will be fun and will drive us to be more attentive to our mates. We make the mistake of believing that our partners will like this idea because they will get more sexual attention.
For me, at least, it turned out that the constant arousal phase was pretty short. When we started, I would start to lose interest in sex after two or three weeks of chastity. Now, I start to lose interest after a few days. We’ve learned that keeping me interested is fairly easy. If Mrs. Lion gets me to the edge of orgasm every day or two, my arousal stays high. Even this fails after a while. She lets me ejaculate about once a week.
From the first day I suggested male chastity, Mrs. Lion insisted that I never masturbate. This rule wasn’t part of the male chastity game. She genuinely dislikes the idea of me providing my own sexual entertainment. When she told me, I don’t think she fully understood how something that simple would affect my libido. I didn’t know either. I jerked off when I felt sexual pressure building. I never thought about it. I just did it.
Now, I am in my ninth year of having no ability to get myself off. It’s probably too late for Mrs. Lion to decide to let me jerk off. I don’t know if I can. Even if I could relearn to do it, her feeling about it being wrong hasn’t changed. She wants ownership of my sexual pleasure. She always has, even before she knew I masturbated. She’s made it clear that part of being her husband is giving her full ownership of my orgasms. She didn’t think this was a D/S concept. She believes it’s part of the marriage vows. In that sense, we were practicing male orgasm control from the day she discovered that I was masturbating.
I know that most men jerk off. Like me, they never discussed it with their wives. Most women have some idea that they do it. In fact, my ex-wife would sometimes “help” me when she was too tired for sex. I would jerk off while she tickled my balls. We never discussed whether or not I jerked off when she wasn’t around. I doubt that she cared. Mrs. Lion cares and has made it crystal clear that I will not bring myself to ejaculate.