I must be missing something. Lion wants to know why I think his masturbating is such a big deal. Um. Isn’t that what male chastity is about? I mean, sure it’s about locking him up, but the purpose of that is to keep his hands off. If he can’t touch, he can’t masturbate. I am in charge of any sex he gets. I realize he no longer wants to masturbate. He’s not even sure if he can anymore. Recently, he decided if I have such a fervent reaction to his masturbating, it must mean that he should not be allowed to touch himself at all.

We’ve been over this too. I don’t mind if he touches himself. He needs to adjust things from time to time. I know his hand wanders to play with his favorite toy. I’m fine with that. I mean, I’m fine now. Initially, when he was wild, I didn’t think he should touch himself at all. Obviously, that couldn’t work. He did need to avoid sitting on his balls and maneuver himself to be comfortable. Not being allowed to touch was unreasonable. I changed the rule from minor touching to touching up to orgasm not too long ago.

I guess the better question is why does Lion think masturbating shouldn’t be a big deal? He’s said he doesn’t want to masturbate. Again, he’s not even sure he could. Why should it matter if it’s a rule or not? Well, now it’s no longer a rule. Would I prefer he didn’t masturbate? Of course. Can he now masturbate if he wants to? Sure. Is that better, Lion?

Another “issue” is the cage. He says if I don’t want him to masturbate then I must not want him to touch himself at all. Therefore, he needs to be caged. Again, I never said he couldn’t touch himself at all. I guess in Lion’s black and white world, he either touches or doesn’t. However, he says he likes being wild much better than being locked up. I’ve never liked fighting with the cages or the need to stop what I wanted to do just to unlock him, so there’s no love lost there. I thought we were good without the cage. Yup, sometimes I don’t play with him as often as I should. I don’t think the cage really changes that. Except, of course, for the reluctance to unlock him because it means I’ll only have to fight with the cage to get him locked again. It has been much easier this past time.

Now for the biggest question of all: if he’s not locked up and he’s allowed to masturbate, can what we do really be called male chastity anymore? At that point, isn’t it just marriage. He doesn’t want to masturbate. I trust him not to cheat with other women because he’s told me he won’t cheat with other women. I’ve told him the same thing. With men, although for the record, it holds true for women too. I assume it holds true for men with him too.

I’m not saying we stop doing what we’ve been doing. We don’t need to call it anything different. I don’t think we ever really called it enforced male chastity. I never thought of it that way. Actually, I never thought of it any way other than my controlling when he gets an orgasm. The whole tantric idea never occurred to me. You either have sex or you don’t. There’s no stopping in the middle unless an issue comes up.

Anyway, I propose we don’t use the cage and Lion is allowed to masturbate if he wants to. I agree to still do what I’m supposed to do and play with him at least every other night unless one of us is sick, injured, etc. I’m not giving it a new, or old, name. To paraphrase one of Lion’s most hated phrases, “it is whatever it is.”

No matter how many times I tell Lion I have masturbated in the past, he keeps writing that I have never masturbated. I don’t know why he has a mental block about it. My point is that it was never a very big deal for me. It certainly wasn’t like his masturbating. It wasn’t a daily/weekly thing. He has also gotten me off using his fingers. Maybe there’s another mental block. Is it because it’s an accepted practice for men to jerk off, but women don’t do such things?

I also wasn’t shocked that he masturbated. I had no idea how often he did it. I think there was more shock that he felt it necessary to do it because I wasn’t enough for him. And it was probably more guilt than shock. I think that was during the period I’d become lax in the hopes that he would initiate more. Clearly, it didn’t work. Still, it’s interesting he chose to masturbate rather than initiate.

At any rate, when I agreed to cage him, I wanted to know how he jerked himself off. Who would know how to get him off better than him? When I locked him up, I told him it was hands off from then on. I wasn’t shocked or upset or possessive. I just figured if he wanted to be locked up and have me control his orgasms, then he should keep his hands off the merchandise. Since I never thought we would maintain male chastity for very long, I never imagined he’d be trained out of masturbating. Recently, when he talked about the subject again, he pretty much insisted that I was possessive of my weenie (yes, I did call it that in terms of “the game”) and he needed to be locked up so he couldn’t even touch himself, lest he get himself hard.

He can probably pinpoint the exact post in which I said I didn’t care if he touched himself to the point of erection. I don’t really want to sift through thousands of posts. However, I did say it. He can adjust, tug, jerk, etc. as long as he doesn’t give himself an orgasm. If he wants me to be possessive, I can be possessive. If he wants me to lock him up so he can’t touch, I can do that. I have done it. If he wants me to want to lock him up, I can do that, too.

Having said that, I unlocked him last night to see if the horniness of yesterday afternoon extended into night. It did not. I said we can try earlier today. And I left him wild. He has made comments about preferring to be wild. When I had a little trouble locking him back up the other night, he said I don’t have to lock him up if I don’t want to. Is this a trap? Is he trying to see if I want him locked up? I know he likes the idea of being locked up. It’s similar to liking the idea of being spanked. Once it’s happening, his mind changes quickly.

Do I want him locked up? Non-game me doesn’t care. Game me: You bet! Keep your horny mitts off my weenie! Do I want him to masturbate? Non-game me and game me both agree we don’t want that.

[Lion — OK, I guess I was wrong about Mrs. Lion’s masturbation history. Yes, I’ve often gotten her off with my finger. She’s used her hand to get me off hundreds of times. I stand corrected. As for wearing the male chastity device, it has value for both of us. It keeps my paws off. That’s for Mrs. Lion. It also obligates her to unlock me regularly. That means she is much more aware of my sexual needs. That’s for me. Do I get tired of being locked up? You bet! There’s no physical reason to let me stay wild. I can wear my Jail Bird forever without any physical issues. Still, it’s nice to get hard once in a while.

The question of me jerking off is much more complicated than Mrs. Lion let on. Why is it so important to her that I don’t get myself off? We’re over five years past her wanting me to initiate. The last time we had vaginal sex was in 2018 (February). So, that initial reason is way in the past. I’m not asking for permission to do it. I worry that if I am allowed to do it, Mrs. Lion will feel less obligated to get me off. You know, just like past partners, “You jerk off and I’ll help.” Yuck! I’m not saying she would do that, but it is a concern.

Since I’m going on ten years without masturbating, It isn’t very important to me anymore. I’m just curious about what the big deal is.]

When I was a boy, I had no close contact with any girls. All of my friends were other boys. We were all intensely curious about girls, but we didn’t know how to approach one. When I was eleven, an older boy (0ne year older) taught me how to masturbate, well, he jerked me off, and I loved it. Before that after-school lesson, I had no idea what it meant when I had an erection. They just appeared.

I never got a chance to learn about girls. When I was 13, my parents sent me to an all-boys boarding school. I was shy and avoided any dances or other boy-girl social events. When I graduated at eighteen, I was a virgin and had never seen a naked girl. There was no boy-boy fooling around at my school; at least, I never knew of any. I went off to college with absolutely no sexual knowledge beyond jerking off.

That meant I considered masturbating a normal part of my life. I didn’t consider it a substitute for sex. It was sex. I didn’t lose my virginity until late in my freshman year. It was a fumbling attempt in my bedroom on a break. I was home, and my mother was off on a vacation. A girl I slightly knew in school was in New York; she came to my apartment in Brooklyn. We were both virgins with no real sexual education. We made out, and things progressed until we were naked. I had an idea of what came next and did my best. It didn’t take me long to finish. She seemed happy, and I fell asleep.

Later, when I transferred to NYU and found a studio apartment in an old hotel, we resumed our romance. It turned out that my first experience wasn’t really what we thought. When we had the time and had both read a marriage manual, we discovered that her hymen was still in place and very thick. I couldn’t get past it without hurting her. We went back to the book and discovered oral sex. We did that until we finally broke up.

It was interesting that we never masturbated one another. To my knowledge, she never played with herself. I continued to jerk off, filling in between dates. Masturbation remained something I did for myself. Later, when I was married, my wife would jerk me off or have me do it while she “helped” by tickling my balls.

My point is that by the time I was having regular sex with a woman, jerking off was an embedded habit that I considered as normal as eating and sleeping. Most of the women I dated claimed they never masturbated and had little interest in me using my hand to get them off.

I considered that odd but chalked it off as yet another difference between men and women. It never occurred to me that a woman would find it odd that I got myself off. I’m not sure that most even knew that I did it. Yes, they would jerk me off sometimes, but I suspect were unaware that I provided that service to myself as well.

When I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me in a male chastity device, she asked me why I wanted her to do that. I told her that it would prevent me from jerking off. She looked surprised and asked me, “Do you do that?” I told her that I did it once or twice a week. She looked a little upset. Since our male chastity conversation was about her taking control, she promptly said, “Your first rule is that you can’t masturbate.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. “How can I masturbate if I’m locked in this thing.” I pointed to the male chastity device in her hand. She replied that this rule had nothing to do with my wearing a male chastity device. She then told me to jerk off while she watched. She wanted to see how I did it. I did, and she watched. That was in December 2013. It was the last time I masturbated since then.

it didn’t make sense to me

From that night on, I was locked in a male chastity device full-time. She unlocked me for teasing and eventual release. There were times I was wild (uncaged) because the device I was wearing irritated me. Mrs. Lion made it clear that her rule was still in force. I obeyed. I did because I liked the idea of her sexual control. It was new and exciting. When she jerked me off, it was big fun.

I still wondered why she cared if I masturbated. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get it up and satisfy her if she wanted sex. I didn’t particularly like porn. What was wrong with jerking off once or twice a week? I’ve been doing it since I was eleven years old. I tried to understand her strong feelings about it.

Mrs. Lion never masturbated. After we discussed my habit and she had me locked up, she said that she tried it and didn’t enjoy it. Well, I didn’t always enjoy it. That wasn’t the point. Jerking off relieved pressure and relaxed me. When I was single, I did it every night as a way to encourage sleep. It was never the same as sex with a partner. I’m not sure that I would even say it was usually fun. It was just something that got my mind off sex

I was surprised that she cared at all. To me, it was just a thing I did, like eating and peeing. Yes, I did it in private. I would be embarrassed if she caught me doing it. I knew it was sort of naughty. I think that came from my childhood when it seemed like something I shouldn’t do. Still, I didn’t think it was bad or cheating. It was private behavior.

Mrs. Lion was the first woman who objected to me doing it. I’m not exactly sure how much other partners knew of my occasional jerk-off sessions, but I know that some liked to watch me do it. Some used “helping” me as an excuse to avoid expending energy on sex when they weren’t in the mood. For the first seven years of my marriage to Mrs. Lion, the subject never came up. She assumed that since she didn’t masturbate, neither did I.

Now that I’m coming up on a decade without jerking off, I still don’t really understand why Mrs. Lion has such strong feelings about it. It’s no longer an issue to me. I’m not sure I could jerk off to orgasm anymore. She seems to like owning my orgasms even after all these years.

I’m pretty sure that I would have cheated a little and jerked off if I wasn’t locked in a male chastity device. During those weeks of freedom, I was acutely aware of our male chastity arrangement and I didn’t dare do anything to break it. After all, jerking off was never big fun. It was pressure release. Wearing a male chastity device taught me to handle and even enjoy the pressure. It was fun to be forced to be horny. That’s very different than being horny because my partner wasn’t interested in sex. We were playing a fun game that stressed me in a good way.

If more women understood how easily they could manage the sexual pressure they feel from their partners, they might be more interested in promoting male chastity. From my experience, it taught me to enjoy not getting sex when I want it. It became fun to feel the growing pressure to get off. It was part of the game. Instead of ignoring the difference in our interest in sexual release, Mrs. Lion used it to make my needs fun for me.

One night in December 2013, after we finished dinner and were in the bedroom watching TV, I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me into a male chastity device. We had a long conversation about what that meant. I told her that one reason a male chastity device was important was that it prevented me from masturbating. “You masturbate?” she asked.

“Yes, two or three times a week,” I answered.

“I didn’t know you masturbated.”

“Well, I do.”

She sat quietly for a few seconds. “Here’s your first rule, you can’t masturbate.”

I pointed out that the male chastity device prevented me from breaking that rule. She liked that. Then she told me to masturbate while she watched. She said that she wanted to see how I did it to learn what I liked. I jerked off for her. That December night in 2013 was the last time I masturbated.

I’ve written about this several times. This isn’t a rehash. For no good reason, I thought back to past relationships. Well, there is a good reason. I joined Ancestry.com to build a family tree. Not counting Mrs. Lion, three of the four women I’ve had long-term relationships with are dead. I was thinking back to my time with them.

Two liked watching me jerk off. One would tickle my balls while I did it. The other would ask me to do it and just watch. I never considered that odd. The ball-tickler used it as a way to avoid more active sex when she wasn’t in the mood. The other just liked seeing me do it. Both included handjobs as a regular part of my sex life. Once in a while they wanted a show.

I never felt interested in watching my partner masturbate. I’m not sure any of them ever did. I masturbated them, and they liked it (including Mrs. Lion), but no do-it-herself activities.

Over the years, when I bottomed at parties or BDSM clubs, the scene almost always ended with my top giving me a handjob. Yes, I was jerked off in public in full view of many other people of both sexes. It was both exciting and humiliating to ejaculate in full view. My partners did this without me asking. It was fun for them. I suppose that making a man ejaculate in a room full of people is a true act of power. None ever wanted me to do it myself. Of course, I couldn’t. I was tied down, but still…

In fact, the community generally frowned on men jerking off in these venues. There was a good reason. Creepy guys would pay to get into these events and then play with themselves while watching a BDSM scene. We called them weenie wackers and had them ejected from the party. There was no prohibition of men being “made” to jerk off as part of a scene, but I was never made to do it. I get it. There is something profoundly powerful when a woman takes over a man’s sexual activity. At a party, where most people, including the top, are fully dressed, being masturbated in that setting sends a clear message of dominance.

Mrs. Lion likes to make me ejaculate. I’m grateful for that. Apparently, she’s never been fond of my doing it myself. She only asked me once.