Every so often, I forget to schedule my posts, and they go live as soon as I save them. That happened yesterday with my “Body Image” post. Despite being so public, I’m still uncomfortable with how people, especially women, look at me.
This isn’t a new problem. I can’t think of a time in my life when I wasn’t sure that I was ugly. I wasn’t fat. For most of my adult life, I was 170 to 180 lbs. This isn’t bad considering I’m 6-2. I was too shy to approach women. Fortunately, a fair number approached me. Still, I missed out on a lot.
I’m heavier now. I suppose age and careless eating have done me in. Still, I wish I could feel more accepted. I know that many women have similar concerns. Body image and self-esteem are close relatives. Men don’t generally talk about this. I am.
Mrs. Lion says that she likes my body. I find that very difficult to believe. She also thinks I’m smart and I’m a good writer. Maybe I’m smart, but so far, not one literary agent has shown interest in my book. I’m looking for feedback that will either end my writing career or give me enough hope to go on.
If I’m going to be completely honest, it would be nice to get validation on my body too. I don’t smile when I publish a nude picture of myself. I don’t imagine any women (or men) find my genitals good-looking. The trouble they may be in is interesting, but the actual body is meh.
Silence is as bad as “yuck.” Agents don’t want to read my book because I’m not interesting. People don’t like my naked parts, so they don’t comment here or on Twitter. No news is truly bad news. I know that people do like our posts. I’m very proud that I have a lot of readers. But when it comes to how I look, let’s face it, no news is bad news.
[Mrs. Lion — What can I do to convince him I like his body? I don’t believe him when he says he likes my body either.]