I have been thinking about what works. For example, I don’t respond quickly to direct stimulation. If Mrs. Lion snuggles with me and plays with my penis, more often than not, I don’t get hard. It isn’t that I don’t find Mrs. Lion sexy. I do. I love when she touches me. But just reaching under the covers and playing with my penis doesn’t get to me. Maybe I’m broken. Shouldn’t any guy get hard almost the instant an attractive woman makes genital contact?
When I was thirty, the answer would be, “Duh!” As I’ve grown older, this isn’t the answer. Even when I was in my thirties, I would fall asleep if my partner rubbed my balls. Now, massaging my cock will often have that effect. I think that many women learn that men are all about their cocks. It’s certainly true when we were young. So, if a woman wants to initiate sex, all she has to do is massage her man “down there.”
We males learn that the direct approach isn’t the best with a woman. She responds if we kiss her and pay attention to other parts of her. Why don’t females realize that we respond the same way that they do? OK, we males are more impatient. Once we get hard, we focus on our penises. Women are no different. Once they get wet, they want vaginal attention.
My point is that foreplay becomes more important as we age and as the time with the same partner passes. Mrs. Lion and I have been together for nearly twenty years. There’s no mystery left. That doesn’t mean sex is dead. She knows what turns me on. It isn’t entirely what you think. BDSM is very good foreplay for me. It isn’t necessarily the first step in turning me on.
If you look back a few years in the blog, you will find that Mrs. Lion posted her plans for me. She went into considerable detail. It was certainly a turn-on for me as well as our readers. I had a chance to anticipate what was going to happen to me. How cool is that?
There was a problem for Mrs. Lion. A good percentage of the time, she wasn’t up to doing what she promised in her post (or emails). She felt bad that she disappointed me. Her solution was to stop giving me coming attractions. If she was up to doing something, she would do it. That was fun most of the time. I had no warmup, no time to anticipate and get the juices flowing. I guess it is the lion version of romance. Some might get excited by a candlelight dinner. I get aroused by learning what evil thing my lioness planned for me.
This is our version of a couple taking things for granted. Yes, Mrs. Lion faithfully spanks me if I don’t set up the coffee pot. She will cuddle and rub my penis. Eventually, I’ll get hard, and she will work more seriously at getting me to the edge or beyond. I appreciate the effort. Ironically, the morning after she gets me off, I will get hard thinking about what she did.
Ah-ha! I got aroused thinking about my experience the night before. Then, why can’t I get aroused by the same image a few days later? I don’t know, but it seems to fade enough to lose its potency. Proximity is important. Maybe this is why guys like to watch porn. Mental stimulation needs to be close to physical activity. That would explain why a day filled with promises of evening entertainment is so effective in priming my pump.
I suppose it’s our fault. We “train” women to believe that men are self-starting when it comes to sex. We are when we are younger. It’s our role to initiate sex. Buried under that biological imperative is an equally important emotional component. We are programmed to fuck whenever we can. We also respond to kindness and love. We can mate for life. The raw desire to fuck that accompanies our youth is replaced by more complex needs as we age.
If we can’t find the mental stimulation we need, that’s when trouble begins. Sound familiar? It’s exactly what happens to women in the same situation. The big difference is that no one writes about male emotional needs. We are supposed to turn on like a light bulb. Pull the chain, and it lights up.
We are all different. That’s why there is such a wide variety of porn. I don’t find porn much fun. Even when I was allowed to jerk off, it never held my attention. An email from Mrs. Lion saying that she was going to put ginger up my ass works. She was right. When she didn’t follow through, it hurt. It hurts more when I feel distance caused by no sexual interaction until we’ve been in bed for over an hour, and she may or may not move over to snuggle.
Our situation is inherently difficult. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want sex for herself. She also says that she can enjoy an orgasm. I get it. She’s never looking for sex. If I happen to give it to her, she likes it but isn’t moved to want more. That leaves me at a loss to know what to do. She enjoys but doesn’t want orgasms. I have absolutely no idea what to do with that information. She likes doing sexual things with me but often doesn’t feel up to it.
I suppose this is a classic marital problem. We will solve it. I hope Mrs. Lion will resume providing me with coming attractions.