Nothing Is Simple

We are tiny creatures on a small planet in an unfathomably large universe. We do what we can to convince ourselves that we control the world around us. Every so often, we are reminded that control is an illusion. Vast forests burn—the earth beneath our feet trembles and cracks. We think we are in control because we can sometimes predict the next cataclysmic event. Recording isn’t controlling.

It’s easy to forget this. In some ways, there is the comfort of living in a world we can’t control. We start our lives with no control over anything, even our own bodies. As we mature, we make more decisions that affect us. As adults, the cycle repeats as we control our children and help them grow and mature. We never forget the selfish comfort of infancy. We also remember how hard we fought to take over control.

There are two conflicting forces inside us: the desire to lose control and to be in control. They emerge in almost everything we do. When it comes to sex, these forces are particularly visible. I’m a good example. I find comfort and fun in surrendering control–well, having control taken from me. At the same time, I am strongly driven to control my world.

These contradictory needs can be confusing and potentially dangerous. Conflicting needs breed neurosis unless they can be channeled. That’s where kink comes in. Compromise is one of humanity’s superpowers. The ability to negotiate and live by less-than-optimum agreements allows civilization to survive.

On a micro level, the same is true of people in relationships. Finding a sweet spot that meets the needs of both partners allows us to live together as lifelong partners. Sex is one of the most difficult areas to achieve this. I’m very lucky. Mrs. Lion and I are truly mated for life. It isn’t that our needs mesh perfectly. They don’t come close. Our secret sauce is our strong need to make each other happy.

For example, as you know, I want to be spanked because it turns me on to think about it. I want Mrs. Lion to punish me with her paddles. She does. So far, it seems that Mrs. Lion is giving, and I’m taking. That’s true. The secret sauce comes in through my strong need for her to use my kink as a way of teaching me to avoid upsetting her.

Obviously, if spanking is a purely sexual activity, nothing will be in it for her other than to make me hornier. We both understand that. When I’m spanked, it is as far from sexual as it can be. If you’ve read our posts, you’ve seen evidence of the damage her paddles do. I like that. I dread being punished. I do my best to avoid repeating behavior that earned me that spanking.

Recently, we’ve begun “just because” spankings. These are scheduled punishments that don’t have a direct behavioral cause. This puzzles some of our readers. It doesn’t seem to make sense to beat me for no reason. Actually, there are some very good reasons.

We discovered that if I avoid earning punishment for more than a couple of weeks, the disciplinary nature of our marriage tends to fade into the background. I “forget” how much it hurts to be spanked, and Mrs. Lion becomes less attentive to my behavior. Inertia sets in. Since the idea of being spanked is sexually exciting to me, the lack of spanking activity affects my interest in sex.

We decided to try “just because” spankings. The idea is that I probably did something wrong that was missed by my lioness. The “Just Because” spanking covered those undiscovered sins. They also recharge my sexual battery. Mrs. Lion is reminded of her role and keeps her focus on my behavior. So far, they are helpful.

Mrs. Lion has a problem punishing me for annoying her. She tends to rationalize my behavior in terms of her mood or things other people have done that pissed her off. In short, I go unpunished. We both agree that one of the most beneficial uses of our disciplinary marriage is educating me on being a better husband.

If Mrs. Lion has a “just because” spanking scheduled and I manage to piss her off, she doesn’t have to work through the difficult process of allowing herself to punish me just for upsetting her. She is going to spank me anyway. She can just tell me that instead of being a “just because” spanking, it is a real punishment for interrupting her. She doesn’t have to feel guilty about being unfair to me.

After a while, the idea is that punishing me for annoying her will be as automatic as spanking me for not setting up the coffee pot. It’s just another routine infraction. I’ll know when she reaches this point when my ten-minute “just because” spanking becomes a fifteen-minute punishment. Mrs. Lion adds five minutes for each additional infraction. The “just because” spanking earns me the first ten minutes. Annoying her adds another five. I hate those extra five minutes!

Domestic discipline is just one marital compromise. We find it very helpful. We have many others. Our goal is to make each other happy. A few extra, possibly unearned sore bottoms is a small price to pay for that.