Julie, from strictjuliespanks wrote about daddy issues. She also growled about my comment regarding her taste in podcasts. We do disagree about some things. I know she gets very turned on thinking about a strict daddy figure. It’s a fun role to be that daddy. It’s about obedience, spanking, and sex. What could be bad?
There is a darker subtext. No, it isn’t about a grown woman acting out sexual daddy fantasies. I think that’s healthy and good clean fun. It’s about the other side of the coin: mommy play. I’m not referring to the practice of being an adult baby or a full-time little boy. Daddy play is just that; discreet scenes. It isn’t a lifestyle. People who enjoy power exchange generally accept this sort of play. That isn’t true of little boy play.
You could argue that when a woman spanks a man, it is a form of mommy play. Spanking, at least in our part of the world, is considered a children’s punishment. So, when Mrs. Lion spanks me, it is maternal by definition. I don’t think she sees it that way. She says that she sees it as a service. She is providing something I want. She relates to enforcing rules as a sort of game. There’s nothing wrong with that. The net result is that I get spanked if I break a rule. I’m a naughty boy. I’m not consciously living out a mommy fantasy. Mrs. Lion doesn’t see her role as my parent.
I digress. My point is that very few women think of themselves as being mommy when they spank their husbands. As Julie has written in her story, “Visiting Julie At Her Cottage,”
True to her ‘Strict Julie’ moniker, Julie unrelentingly paddled Lion’s low ass and upper thighs into a horrible hamburgered mess of scarlet red, purple, black, and white. Lion screamed on every stroke. David could see the excitement in Julie’s face, her glassy stare as she got into her zone, as she did the one thing she loved most of all: bringing unrelenting, near unbearable pain to a willing male ass.
‘When I get into this state, I can just keep going forever,’ Julie said, ‘which is why I give myself a count. Ha ha!’
While this is fiction designed to turn me on, she expresses something I’ve heard before from many women who spank men. They are sexually aroused by doing it. Why isn’t important. The fact is that they enjoy doing it and get aroused in the process. My first BDSM partner was like this. She told me that when she made me squirm, it was particularly exciting. The first thing she wanted as soon as she finished spanking me was sexual release.
Spanking is highly sexual to people of both sexes. A woman turned on by spanking her partner doesn’t need a role to blister his butt. She likes doing it. It’s irrelevant to her what fantasies he has about what she is doing to him. If he wants to imagine that she’s his mommy, she doesn’t care. If she is asked to take on that role, she might do it for the duration of the spanking but will probably not find it arousing other times.
On the other hand, playing daddy to a grown woman is very hot for many men. I’m sure there are deep psychological reasons for this. For me, at least, it’s a neat package that includes spanking and sex. I couldn’t do it for more than a scene, though. I wouldn’t want to live with a woman who wanted to be a little girl full time.
The difference between mommy and daddy play is that when a man wants his partner to be his mommy, he gives up the male role as an active partner or leader. Like it or not, we are all conditioned to believe that males should be strong, loving leaders. Women have centuries of conditioning that has trained them to like and accept this. There is a lot of conditioning to overcome when the roles are reversed.
Mrs. Lion spanks me, and she enforces her will with a paddle. The spankings are real. They aren’t sexual play. I don’t think of my role as being one of a child. I don’t want my wife to be my mommy. For the record, my mother had very little to do with me. She often said, “Childless couples are the happiest.” The last thing I want is for Mrs. Lion to be like her.
I’ve written about how real lions behave. We don’t see each other as big cats. But we have learned from their behavior. Unlike humans, lions have a more balanced kind of male/female relationship. The lionesses hold the ultimate authority in lion society. They choose to admit a lion into their pride. They allow him a lot of power. In fact, human observers believed until very recently that lions were in charge. King of beasts. Not so much.
Thanks to inexpensive, small cameras, we’ve learned that the lioness is the real boss. She may appear in the background, with the male appearing to lead the way, but closer observation reveals that isn’t true. If a lion does something a lioness dislikes, she will growl and snarl at him. If that doesn’t work, she will give him a painful bite on the rump. He never retaliates. He appears to apologize and beg forgiveness.
It’s almost like a democracy. Leaders maintain their authority with the permission of the governed. We live that way. On one level, our domestic discipline is something I want and need. Mrs. Lion accommodates it. On a deeper level, it is a tool that she can use to express her displeasure. I’m conditioned by all of the spankings I get for minor offenses to accept punishment from my wife unquestioningly. She doesn’t need a reason to spank me. Well, I don’t need to accept or even know the reason. When she wants to punish me, I present myself for discipline—no questions or arguments. I may be stronger, but I can’t resist any more than that lion who has a bleeding bite on his rump.
Sex isn’t involved. Neither of us wants it after I am punished. A hug might be nice, but I rarely get that. My lioness did what had to be done. Period. She works hard to make my spanking as unpleasant as possible. That’s what I said I want. I do. It isn’t roleplay. It’s something different. Is it maternal? I don’t think so, but if you believe that only a mommy or daddy spanks, then I suppose it is. Mrs. Lion and I don’t think so.