One of our readers commented that we need to get a life. She said that we spend most of our time writing this blog when we would be better if we took that time to be together. She was prompted to comment when Mrs. Lion wrote that I had spent a few days working on migrating our blog to the cloud. It’s true that the effort consumed me for two days. I was very happy to do it and Mrs. Lion didn’t feel neglected.
When you read a blog like ours it’s easy to get the impression that writing it is the center of our lives. After all, each of us writes a post almost every day. In the last seven years, we have published about 4,500 posts. That consumed a lot of time. Each of us writes for about an hour a day. Mrs. Lion appointed herself our chronicler. She records our sexual and power exchange adventures. She also explores her feelings about what we are doing and our relationship.
Both of us write about how we feel about our adventures and what we might want next. New readers often think I am topping from the bottom or being selfish when I write about what I might want. We’ve learned that in our female led relationship it won’t work if Mrs. Lion is the dictator and I am her pet and servant. That might make a hot fantasy or the plot of a BDSM scene, but we can’t build or lives around it.
partners can still have a female led relationship
What we do works for us. Mrs. Lion is in charge. That doesn’t mean she spends her time supervising me. She has her own stuff to do. We function as we always have, as partners. We divide the work. I get a vote in most things. Often I get to decide what we will do. Mrs. Lion prefers that. So where’s the FLR?
Mrs. Lion gets to make rules. For example, she assigned me the job of setting up the coffee pot before we need it in the morning. Mrs. Lion prepares breakfast. If I’ve done my job, all she has to do is press a button to make our coffee. That’s a small chore. However, if I forget to do it, Mrs. Lion punishes me. I get spanked. This isn’t a play spanking or a BDSM scene. It is a bruising, punishment spanking that I hate. The idea is that all I have to do to avoid it is to obey my rules.
There is no fuss or ritual. She tells me to bend over the bed and then she spanks me. She usually asks me to tell her why I am being punished. That’s it. She also punishes me if I am snarky or disrespectful. Respect isn’t calling her ‘Mistress”. It’s listening to her when she is talking and not interrupting. It is respecting what she says.
It’s taken years to evolve to this point. I asked Mrs. Lion to be my disciplinary wife. I consented to all this; in fact, I initiated it and work to keep it going. I’m still the lion. I’m allowed a small amount of grumbling and growling. I have to watch my step. Too much will earn me a spanking.
Because I can still be me and not live in some sort of fantasy role, our domestic discipline is very sustainable. We discovered we both missed it when we had to suspend discipline while I recovered from surgery. Neither of us can explain why, but it has become an important contributor to our happiness.
Aside from educating me and improving my behavior, domestic discipline gives Mrs. Lion a clear and powerful voice in our marriage. Before we adopted it, if I did something that upset her, she would withdraw and avoid contact with me. I had to ask her over and over what was wrong. When she finally told me, we discussed it and I agreed to do better.
This process was difficult and painful for both of us. Now, she can tell me that I upset her and let me know I will be punished. She can explain what I’ve done and then spank me. She has a positive way of expressing her displeasure. She spanks me and it is over. If I repeat the offense, I get spanked again. Trust me, I learn quickly.
learning to punish for upsetting the lioness
We are still a work in progress. Mrs. Lion still withdraws sometimes after I upset her. We both have to help her break that habit. I will go through the old process of prying the cause of her unhappiness out. Instead of a frustrating conversation, I ask her if I earned a spanking. She says I have. Then, later at her convenience, I get spanked.
The goal is for Mrs. Lion to identify things I do that upset her and inform me what I did and then punish me. She’s expressed some concern about what annoying action is serious enough to punish me. I suggested that in the beginning, she punish any annoyance no matter how trivial. This is the technique we used when we started DD. Mrs. Lion created trivial, easy-to-break rules that guaranteed I would earn frequent spankings.
While painful, this technique built disciplinary habits and allowed Mrs. Lion to improve her spanking technique. She agreed to use this same system to build a new disciplinary habit around annoying her. We haven’t made a lot of progress yet, but we will both work at it until she enforces annoying her the same way she enforces my failing to set up the coffee pot.