There is a very big difference between the way men and women think about sex. One reason a blog like ours is mostly read by men is that it focuses on “the action”. We write about the things we do in our particular sexual practices. I don’t believe that women focus so narrowly on such things. Of course, at the end of the story for either sex, we find a climatic happy ending. That part is the most interesting for us guys. Getting there is more interesting to women.
Almost all male sex bloggers are irresistibly drawn to posting pictures of their genitals. Chastity bloggers like to show their penises locked into various devices. I’ve certainly been guilty of this. We also like to show you our unadorned penises as well. I know that when I do that, I’m not thinking that this view will arouse our female readers. I don’t think it will arouse our male readers either, for that matter. It arouses me. I’ll bet that this is true of our other male bloggers as well. There is a kind of delicious embarrassment about revealing our weenies. At some level, it must hark back to the “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” childhood experiences.
Based on what I’ve read, some women see penis pictures as threatening. Does that mean they consider an erect penis a weapon? I certainly hope not. Most typically, I suspect that seeing a stranger’s genitals evokes a feeling of faint disgust. It’s not the appearance of the particular penis. It’s more a sense of, “Why would he think I want to see that?”
This sense of inappropriateness is a significant hint at the biggest difference between men and women when it comes to sex: It would be rare for a man to feel that a picture of a woman’s genitals would be inappropriate. We like seeing them. I know that when I see a picture of a naked woman on Twitter, it’s nice to get a look at an attractive body. I like the way vaginas look. It doesn’t mean I want to have sex with its owner. It just means that it’s hot to see.
Put another way, women are more interested in the owner of the penis than men are interested in the possessor of the vagina. Nature has programmed us to penetrate receptive females. Of course, society has trained us to limit these impulses to our partners. Our primary sexual focus is on getting the deed done.
This explains why some of us want orgasm control and enforced male chastity. We are turned on by the fact that a woman is interested enough in our achieving orgasm that she will tease us by forcing us to lose the ability to get off even when we are extremely aroused. That’s hot! I would be very surprised if many women understood exactly how exciting this is.
Because we males are focused on the process of achieving orgasm, we generally make the mistake that the way we can incentivize our partners to lock us up and make us wait for our orgasms is to offer them more orgasms for themselves. This is the sort of reward we would want if the tables were turned. This “reward” makes absolutely no sense to most women. After all, if they are your sexual partners, they already have the ability to get as many orgasms as they want from you. Right?
Underneath this is the fact that we men consider sex transactional. We believe that if we get an orgasm we should give an orgasm. We are sure that there is a relationship between giving and getting sexual satisfaction. Do our partners really think this way? I don’t think so. I believe that women generally consider giving orgasms to their partners as an expression of love. I assume they also believe that receiving them means the same thing. It’s not a transaction.
The reality is that orgasm control and male chastity is a game. I think that most women would be willing to play once they understood that the practice is for fun. It’s something the male partner wants. He also likes to pretend that he doesn’t want it and is being forced to wait for his orgasms. This is the kind of “No means yes” play that permeates BDSM. If a guy is mature enough to explain this to his partner, chances are very good she will be willing to play.
Need I say more?