Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote in her post about phrases that annoy her. One of the biggies is when I say, “Are we ever going to…?” This is an indirect way of asking for something. Obviously, I should either keep my mouth shut — the submissive team says, “Of course!” — Or say, “Can we…?”
If I’m silent, anxiety will build up and I’ll start feeling sad and grumpy. I know, it’s a personal problem. On the other hand, if I ask directly I will probably get an answer like, “I don’t know.”
This is an area where Mrs. Lion and I are very different. I’m happiest when things are known. The word “maybe” creates anxiety in me. That sort of answer is the same as far as I’m concerned, as me being silent.
From my point of view, the real problem is that the normal signal that motivates sexual activity is missing. We have a long-standing sexual power exchange. I know that we are both comfortable with it. But there is a problem that’s existed as long as we’ve been doing it: it’s one-sided. Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex. I am. In a lot of relationships that would mean the person who is no longer interested in sex would simply not have sex. That leaves the partner who needs sex to either abstain voluntarily or find other outlets.
Before we began our enforced male chastity, I masturbated. That was my outlet. I got bored with that, but it was better than nothing. I didn’t want to try to find another partner. At other times in my life, I might have done that. I couldn’t. I’m simply too much in love with Mrs. Lion to risk hurting her by having sex with someone else.
Enforced male chastity was my idea. I figured it would give some structure to a one-way sexual relationship. The big problem as far as I could see is that there’s nothing in it for Mrs. Lion. That remains the case now after over six years. My fantasy was that she would enjoy the game. She would like the feeling of control and the frustration she would cause by teasing and not allowing me to climax. When she was interested in orgasms for herself, topping me was a pretty good form of foreplay. She was always extremely aroused after she had played with me. We would have sex, cowgirl style combined with her moving over my face for some oral attention. After she had been satisfied, she would either climb off and masturbate me to orgasm, or she would turn around reverse cowgirl-style and I would ejaculate inside her. It was wonderful!
It was clear that we both had a good time. Now, I might have a good time but she never does. I don’t think she considers sexual activity with me as work, but I don’t think she thinks of it as fun either. Maybe it’s her wifely duty. I’m not crazy about that. That’s not the point. Regardless of how I feel about it, that’s the situation.
The current dilemma is that we seem to be out of sync again. Mrs. Lion is uncomfortable about sexual activity during the day. She wrote about that in her post. Truth be told, she doesn’t seem particularly interested in the evening either. There’s no real reason she should be. There’s nothing in it for her. I suppose there’s a benefit in knowing that she’s made me happy. Maybe that’s what’s been keeping it alive all these years. I guess I’m her favorite charity. It does mean that doing things with me is very low on her priority list, well behind playing with her iPad.
I’m not ready to give up on sex and play. As of now, I don’t have any choice about what can happen. I only have one outlet: Mrs. Lion. I’m not allowed to masturbate and even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go out and find a sexual partner. Since I haven’t tried to do that in 17 years virus or no virus it’s obviously not a very viable option for me.
It would be nice to wrap this post up with a pithy or humorous comment. The truth is I don’t have one. As of right now I’m feeling kind of lost.
[Mrs. Lion — I think it’s fun to frustrate Lion. I think it’s fun to give him an orgasm. I’m just having a hard time finding my footing lately. Evening play is more comfortable, but maybe that’s because it’s what we’ve been doing for so many years. I don’t know why the afternoon is such a mystery to me. Clearly I need to set a play alarm for 3 pm every afternoon. *At the tone, the time will be “play o’clock”*]