I think that something is wrong. Mrs. Lion has been writing about how she would use some of her free time to play during the day. She also talked about taking care of some things here at the house. After Wednesday’s diaper assignment and handjob (Not to orgasm, of course.), nothing sexual has happened. When it was too late last night, I asked her if something was going on. She said she just didn’t feel like it. I can understand that on one level, but on another more significant level, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
For years sexual attention to me has been absolutely one-sided. Mrs. Lion just isn’t interested in sex for herself. I suppose I am her favorite charity. She’s been extremely kind and has been a wonderful partner. She’s done this through all sorts of difficulties. I’m deeply appreciative.
Now, when there’s no real pressure, I feel a distance. Last night, about 9 o’clock she snuggled with me in a platonic kind of way. I like that. It was odd only because when she does this she normally lets me know why she’s avoiding sex.
Something has changed. I’m not sure what it is, but definitely the wind has changed direction. Even though we spend our days less than 20 feet apart, I recognized yesterday that I initiate all the contact. It could be that she’s finally had enough of me.
Another idea is that the real fun in her life comes while she’s at work. Now that she has no job, for now, she buried herself in various video games. I think I see less of her now than I did when she was at the office all day.
She’s never been particularly articulate about telling me how she feels. She always liked to tell me about what happened at work. She always makes a point about how she laughs with her officemates. I’m starting to realize that all her real sharing goes on there. Needless to say, this is very sad for me. I’ve always suspected that our sexual interaction has been a kind of chore for her. I hoped it was one she enjoyed. Now, I’m not so sure. I’m also not so sure that she’s particularly fond of my company.
I know she loves me. She knows I love her. That’s never been in question. We’ll do anything for each other. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s very fond of my company. I can’t think of the last time I’ve made her laugh. Even when she makes me do silly things, she doesn’t show any real joy.
Yes, we are very comfortable with each other. We could spend years alone together in this house without any real stress. That doesn’t mean that we will be having fun. We’ll be comfortable and Mrs. Lion will indulge some of my sexual needs. You won’t hear the sound of us laughing.
I might not have recognized this if we weren’t forced to be home. Generally, when we have time off, we either take care of chores or go on a trip in our trailer. This is very different. It could be a lot of fun. Maybe we just don’t have that much in common. Maybe over the years, we’ve learned how to work around that. I don’t think it’s working now.
[Mrs. Lion — I do seem to be floundering a bit. I keep thinking I have things to do but I’m off for a month. Do I really need to do things right now? But I also know that month will be gone before I know it. As far as Lion is concerned, I don’t see what he’s talking about. I’ve always been flaky about playing with him. From my point of view, things are normal. He’s working so I leave him to it. He’s the one who has structure right now. If he wants me to interrupt him by waving a butt plug in his face, I can do that. I’ll just have to make sure it’s not during one of his videoconferences.]