One of the most difficult things about enforced male chastity and other forms of control is figuring out how to actually integrate the power exchange into your life. Most of the people who read this blog are male. It’s not surprising. After all, enforced male chastity is a practice invented by males for males. I know the concept is that the keyholder/disciplining partner is in charge and makes all the rules. If you think about it, controlling when we get to ejaculate as well as creating rules we are to follow is really for our benefit. There’s nothing in this for the keyholder except doing something that partner wants. How many women think about how often their partners should have orgasms?

That’s the thing. We all get so wound up in the mythology that we don’t consider that our partners are not sadistic penis-focused dominatrixes. They are women who love us and want us to be happy. I would be very surprised if any of them gave a single thought to your orgasm frequency before you brought up the topic of enforced male chastity. When you did bring it up, the topic became relevant. However, I don’t think anybody including those of us who are practicing enforced male chastity have a clear idea exactly how long we should wait between orgasms. I’ve read a lot of posts, mostly by men pretending to be women giving different “rules” for wait time.

I think that wait time is highly individual and is probably best determined by two things: The first is the normal sexual rhythm of the male. How often does he like to ejaculate? Most keyholder’s have a pretty good idea of this. Of course, before accepting the value you imagine is correct, find out if he masturbates secretly. You may have to change the number. The second is a little more difficult to determine and probably needs considerable experiment before you get it right. That is, how long does it take for him to get incredibly horny. And, how long before he loses interest in sex if he doesn’t get to come.

Knowing these values gives you a very good idea of what would make a nice wait time for him. This will take experiment. The only reason it’s important to know his usual rhythm is to give you an idea what you have to do to go beyond. For example, if he generally likes to get off every couple of days, that means you can set his initial wait time at some value beyond that. For example, maybe start out with a seven day wait. That gives him enough time to work up a good head of steam. On the other hand, if he normally comes just once a week, then his first wait time should probably be two weeks.

Despite the mythology, enforced male chastity is really something that only benefits the male. It’s important that we guys understand that. It’s not something being done to us; it’s something we want. So, our partners/keyholders are looking for ways to make this more fun for us. It’s not fair to force them to figure out the rules of a game that only we get to play.

Mrs. Lion has never liked scheduled wait times. She likes to decide on the spur of the moment whether or not I get to ejaculate. I’m fine with this mainly because she decides to get me off long before I’m ready to hump trees. She knows it’s a game and has some fun playing it. I don’t generally want an orgasm less than two days after the last time I came. Mrs. Lion rarely tries until I’ve waited at least three days. If she’s been having success edging me, she generally makes me wait about a week. Very rarely has she made me wait longer.

This seems to work for both of us. That doesn’t mean that sometimes she won’t push things and keep me waiting much longer. I don’t make a big deal out of how long she makes me wait. I do let her know what seems to work and what doesn’t. I want to point out that this isn’t the same as me whining at her about being very horny. She likes that and, after all, that’s exactly the way I should be.

I’m talking about serious, adult conversations where we look at what we’ve been doing and give each other feedback. Other times I can complain and whine as much as I want and she will just give me that little smile and edge me some more.

All of these power exchanges with the exception of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline, are essentially games. Wearing a chastity device is a bondage fetish. I have it and love it. Controlling me sexually is fun for me. It may not be as much fun for Mrs. Lion, but she gets the reward of seeing how it makes me happy.


  1. Sarah Jameson (whatever happened to her, anyhow?) had a good thought on this. She suggested that for starters,women should ask their partner how long they thought they could manage, and to then add 50% or 100% of that. So, if a guy said “Oh, I think I could last 2 weeks,” the new keyholder should go for at least 3. This adds an element of control and power exchange, without turning it into something ridiculous (I’ve seen other writings suggesting minimum of 3 to 6 months).

    1. Author

      I read that too. Mrs. Lion and I discussed this very issue. The question is whether or not waits between orgasms are designed to push the male as part of a power exchange, or just demonstrate control by giving him orgasms when they are not expected. Mrs. Lion believes in the second. If things work on a how-long-can-he-wait-and-add-more basis, it will eventually turn into a contest that could have orgasms spaced months apart. If that’s what rings your bell, that’s fine. Mrs. Lion likes to give me orgasms and for us, at least, the power exchange isn’t on endurance, but rather on her absolute control.

      I once read a very interesting article that suggested a healthy spacing between orgasms for a male should be a week to 10 days. This particular piece was about female control and not enforced chastity. She felt that more than one orgasm a week caused a guy to lose focus on other things. I didn’t necessarily buy into that, but the idea of spacing orgasms based on some idea of what is good for him makes a lot of sense to me. It certainly is female control since none of us are particularly happy about a mandated spacing of our orgasms. I guess to me it’s not how many but rather who gets to decide.

      Mrs. Lion doesn’t like the idea of scheduled orgasms. I’ve always been neutral on the subject. But there is something to be said for it. It’s a kind of sexual portion control. That’s appealing to me on some level.

  2. My wait times have varied from as little as a couple of hours to 485 days. Currently I’m at 204 days. I may end up going much longer but I won’t know until I do orgasm. I know these wait times are crazy for you. However I get so horny and just love how I feel when denied for months. She was worried initially about making me wait that long but has come to appreciate how excited I get when denied. When we play, she always finishes by edging me till I’m jumping and oh so close to cumming! It’s a feeling that I long for. But you’re correct in saying that I’m the driving force in this change. And it is a big change as I used to masturbate almost every day.

    1. Author

      It’s great that you two have worked all this out. Unlike you, if I’m kept waiting too long even if I get edged every day, I lose interest. Like you, I used to masturbate every day. I gave that practice up when Mrs. Lion and I got together. I so badly wanted her to be the source of my pleasure that I held off. After a week or more with no attention, I took a chance and jerked off. During those days there was very little risk she would want to give me sex the same day I decided to take care of things myself.

      1. In my first marriage I would try to hold off every so often. But my first wife just wasn’t interested in sex. So holding off was punishing myself.

        1. Author

          It occurs to me (and you’re probably going to hate this thought) that since you like the idea of being super horny and waiting as long as you possibly can, you are actually calling the shots, not your wife. However, if she made you come on a considerably more frequent basis then she would certainly be holding control. In a way, you’re the opposite of me. I like very frequent orgasms and Mrs. Lion makes me wait longer than I would like as a way of showing me who’s got sexual control. The opposite is probably the case for you.

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