When this post publishes, I will be on my way to the hospital. My prep time begins at 5:30 AM and the actual surgery should start around seven or 7:30 AM. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will keep you posted in her afternoon post. I spent 1/2 hour on the phone with the surgeon this afternoon (Wednesday). She and I reviewed the risks. We agree that while this operation is not risk-free, surgical correction can be made to save what vision remains. In any case, I’m tired of being a one eyed lion.
I am very happy that Mrs. Lion has truly taken ownership of her role as my disciplining wife. She’s actively planning how to store her collection of paddles and assure that whatever one she wants will be easily accessible. One of the problems that comes from multi-decade BDSM is the amazingly large collection of toys one gets. While I may have purchased most of our paddle collection for BDSM fun, they are obviously perfect for discipline as well.
What’s important to me is that she feels motivated to inventory the collection and utilize it as she sees fit. When I topped, I tended to favor one are two implements of a type. I had two or three paddles, each with a specific role, that are used for spanking. Even though I had a large collection, I tended to stick to this small group. Mrs. Lion has a much more experimental and innovative streak. The truth is that very few, if any of our paddles failed to make an impression on me. Some are much more intense than others.
Interestingly, Mrs. Lion has yet to find one that can reliably bruise me where she wishes a more memorable souvenir of my punishment. Part of the problem is that historically I’ve learned that I don’t mark easily. Another part is that to be able to reliably place a mark, takes a lot of practice with suitable instrument. I think the entire concept of consciously making marks is more of a BDSM concept than one that applies to punishment.
I’m not sure why both of us are independently spending so much time thinking about punishment spankings. There’s no question that we are. I think it may be that because we’ve had to suspend them due to the eye surgeries, we both miss them. In recent weeks, I’ve managed to rack up lots of punishment spankings. Since the mildest offense earns me a minimum of three spankings, administering and receiving them have become far more routine for us. I don’t think either of us spent much time thinking about how important they are.
I’m not saying that I need regular spankings; though I suspect I do. It’s very different than that. I’m not sure that Mrs. Lion will completely agree, but I believe that adult punishment spanking has become a valuable part of our relationship. I really didn’t see this coming. In my mind the biggest benefit of our disciplinary relationship is that Mrs. Lion becomes aware of my behavior and feels free to correct it as needed. It’s taken a long time, but we are at that point. No matter how you feel about spanking, it is the way Mrs. Lion expresses displeasure to me. Because any infraction earns multiple spankings, she needn’t worry about spanking in anger. She may be pissed off at me for the first one, but it’s highly unlikely the anger will survive subsequent sessions.
I think that any corrective measures she might have chosen could be equally effective. The key was understanding exactly what had to happen for a correction to work. I’ve talked a lot about needing more intensity to make a punishment effective. I believe that every time Mrs. Lion steps up my spankings, I come out on the other end better educated and happier. I’m not going to claim that she has fun when she spanks me, though I’m starting to believe she gets something positive out of her side of the experience.
The reason I think this is that she shows strong interest in using different paddles and has been trying different things during spanking. My spankings are definitely taking more time and many more swats than in the past. She is actively exploring new real estate including my inner and outer thighs as well as the tender skin inside my crack. She’s been very sensitive to my reactions and when she detects more meaningful yelps, I think she’s enjoying her success.
I’m happy about this. Even though the reason she is paddling me is punishment, she is starting to take pride in her skills and ability to make me understand how important it is for me to change. I wouldn’t call that “fun” for her. It’s more, I think, a sense of accomplishment. As she continues to grow in her skills and I react to her “improvements”, she will get positive feedback for her ability to punish me.
I think it is perfectly justifiable to take pride in her ability to strip me of my dignity and impress on me the need to do as she wishes. Now that we have been in a multi-week hiatus of punishment, we are getting a truly different perspective on what we’ve been doing. Before we had to stop, I think that both of us considered my punishments as something that I need. We accepted Mrs. Lion’s hard work learning effective spanking as a way of accommodating this need. It appeared to be a chore no different than washing dishes or vacuuming a rug. I was the sole beneficiary of her effort.
I no longer think that’s true. I can’t believe that I ever imagined it was just work for Mrs. Lion. I’m not saying it isn’t, but she does get something out of it. I don’t think it’s necessary to label exactly what that something is. But her interest in selecting appropriate paddles and monitoring my reaction to her experiments indicates at the very least she finds beating me to be interesting.
I think the hard part was getting past the idea that she was hurting me. She spent a lifetime trying not to hurt people she loves. I think she got around those feelings when she spanks me by remembering that this is something I want. She is performing a service for me. Now that we both have a lot of experience at our respective ends of the paddle, I think she is allowing herself to enjoy the process.
It seems to have moved from doing something I want to effectively communicating to me how much better it is to do as I am told. The objective evidence that I benefit and learn more quickly when she makes my spankings more painful, is a strong incentive to keep improving her technique. Some people will never understand why we both find this not only acceptable but valuable.
From my perspective, being spanked takes any kind of control away from me. For example, if I interrupt her, without the spanking all she would do is growl at me and I could appear sorry. There’s no real sense of closure or satisfaction in effectively communicating with me. However, if I interrupt her and she then sentences me to five spankings, if the spankings go considerably further than something I would want because I like to be spanked, she knows I am feeling her disappointment in my inability to avoid interrupting her.
This is a very important point. Generally speaking, all the conversations about corporal punishment for adults centers around either the technique for administering it or how it affects the person being spanked. It completely disregards how the spanker benefits. That benefit isn’t just a simple power trip. A lot of people like to think it is. I think it has a much deeper level of satisfaction for the spanker. She knows that the person she is spanking is definitely unhappy feeling the pain. She also knows, or should know, that she has a very effective way to change behavior. If I interrupt her and get five spankings as a result, and then interrupt her again, she is going to give me seven or 10 spankings the second time. She can up the ante upon each repeat until I learn to stop the negative behavior.
Now that we’ve been doing serial spankings for a while, once the novelty wore off, receiving more spankings for repeat bad behavior has proven to be a strong incentive for me to avoid all that discomfort. It took a long time to figure out that for all practical purposes, the spanking is a spanking. Some people add strapping at the end of the spanking to indicate an offense with more severe than others. I don’t think that works. Once the punishment has begun, I don’t think there is much incentive to behave better just because the intensity might be stronger.
The incentive to behave created by serial spankings is far stronger. I don’t expect the intensity of any spanking to be more severe than any other. It may well be that some are milder than others, but that’s Mrs. Lion’s choice and isn’t directly tied to my offense. On the other hand, knowing that every night I’m going to have to assume the position and get another intent spanking, makes a very strong impression on me. It’s not that three spankings given one a day hurt more. Sometimes they do. It’s that I know I have to look forward to another uncomfortable paddling every day until I’ve served my sentence. Trust me, earning three spankings for spilling, and then five more for spilling again, gets my attention.
Call us crazy. Maybe we are. But in our marriage it turns out that strong use of a paddle is an essential part of the way we relate. When both of us miss this part of our relationship because we’ve had to stop for medical reasons, we can be sure that spanking is for both of us. It may have started as a way to meet a need I have, but it is now I need we both have. I didn’t see this coming. I’m very glad to discover that this is another positive change we have made in the last few years.
I imagine that by this time next week, Mrs. Lion’s paddles will come out again and resume their role in our relationship. Whether or not you can see yourself in a similar situation, I think you can see that we’ve found something that works very well for both of us.
Well I could call you crazy—but I don’t think you are! I see two people who love each other and who meet each others needs. Isn’t that what most of us are looking for? As I write this, you must be close to operation time. Good luck. I’m praying for you.
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