Upping the Ante

We are creatures of habit, Mrs. Lion and I. Once we add something to our lives, we keep on doing it. The problem is that we don’t have a routine that keeps our power exchange growing. It’s ironic that we’ve become so good at our established rules that neither of us has to really think about them or the consequences for breaking them. This is a great credit to Mrs. Lion and her metamorphosis into lioness 2.0.

The irony is that these rules are so well integrated into our lives that they we hardly notice them. I so rarely break one that Mrs. Lion hasn’t had to punish me in a month. That’s good news, right? It is.

I can’t claim that our power exchange is just play. I’ve changed. I didn’t try to change. Mrs. Lion changed me. I’m still wrapping my brain around that. Deep down, I considered our activities part serious and part play. I didn’t really believe that I would actually be trained to do anything. I thought it would be fun trying. I concentrated on helping Mrs. Lion perfect her role as my disciplining wife.

I think that she also feels it is all part of a kind of game. After all, we have a loving partnership. I’m not in need of a strict disciplinarian to turn me into a good person. I don’t have any destructive habits that need correcting. That’s both good and bad news. It’s good  in that I’m sure Mrs. Lion wouldn’t have married me if I were a drunk or took drugs. It’s bad in that she has to reach for reasonable rules to make for me.

Domestic discipline for men originated with a few wives who independently of one another, decided to deal with their husbands’ excessive drinking by punishing them when they got out of line. They gave an ultimatum to their men that they will be punished for drinking. If they didn’t accept the punishment, their marriages would be over. In the 1990’s one disciplining wife wrote a book about her experiences. It wasn’t a big seller, but between the Internet and that book, she built a following.

The vast majority of us who practice FLRD don’t do it to save marriages from a drunk husband and father. It is an extension of a wish for sexual domination. Just like enforced male chastity, FLRD is almost always initiated by the man. The women assume the role for lots of reasons. I’m sure the initial one is to make their husbands happy.

That was/is Mrs. Lion’s reason to do all this. Mine was to be sexually dominated. We started with a chastity device and graduated to FLRD. Painful fun and games for me, right? Absolutely. The story gets interesting after three years of “playing” this game. Without any help from us, it stopped being a game. While I can ask Mrs. Lion not to do BDSM play with me, I can’t prevent enforcement of my rules. They]re real and absolute. They aren’t play any more.

I think it’s time to bring our disciplinary relationship back into the foreground. Perhaps  Mrs. Lion can up the ante a little. I think we will both profit from that. I have no idea what new rules might be, but I think it would be helpful to make some.



  1. Despite its origins (thanks for the explanation – I didn’t know this, but it makes perfect sense), I agree that FLDR is usually entered for fun, sexual reasons. However, despite that, I’m sure that mostXXX nearly every man has some habits or traits that his partner finds less than endearing. Some of those, like that comfortable over-stuffed brown chair from college, may be things he’s not particularly interested in losing, but once a FLDR is well established, as it is in the Lions’ den, a framework is in place for changing him anyway.

    In a sense, it becomes “OK”, in her mind, for the female partner to exert some control that she may not have felt comfortable wielding before – it becomes just a natural part of the relationship. As the micro-cultural norm shifts, she can apply it to other behaviors that bother her, when they occur or when she notices them. I think that Mrs. Lion is about at this place.

    However, since you seem to have reached a sort of plateau in your FLDR relationship, this looks, from my outside view, like there isn’t really much that Mrs. Lion feels she needs to change. As you said, you weren’t a bad guy before, and you clearly have a wonderful, extremely loving relationship. I’m sure that you’d voluntarily do almost anything for your Lioness even without the FLDR,

    This all sounds good from a relationship standpoint, but somewhat static from a sexual one, and certainly newness is always an exciting thing sexually. Perhaps, rather than finding additional real reasons to impart discipline, some other activity (Enforced body modifications? Required cheerleader dancing? I don’t know.) can add to the spark. The FLDR will still be there if it’s needed, and I’m sure that minor infractions will always happen to keep it present.

    1. Author

      The idea of adding a spark is something we agreed to do. However, that doesn’t really fit into our FLRD. That’s the BDSM, sexy fun. You are on target about Mrs. Lion feeling more comfort demanding more meaningful changes. She added a new, significant rule last night. My post tomorrow talks about it. It takes quite a bit of time for a woman to move from the fun, sexual domination to requiring meaningful change. We appear to have reached that point.

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