It’s Embarrassing To Admit; I Need Discipline

Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday predicted my punishment for interrupting her Saturday night. That prediction was realized yesterday. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about how my kitchen spanking and the promise of another spanking yesterday affected me.

The kitchen spanking on Saturday was painful and not particularly welcomed. I wasn’t hard and I didn’t expect the swatting in this setting. That, of course, is perfectly OK. The spanking wasn’t for my amusement. It was punishment for carelessly getting food on my sweatshirt at lunch. I didn’t feel any sexual twinges on Saturday as a result of being punished. Again, that’s fine.

Here’s where it gets weird. I got aroused reading about my planned punishment for last night. Yes, it’s true that the idea of being spanked is erotic to me. But on Saturday, I knew I was going to be paddled. I wasn’t in the least bit aroused.  When I interrupted on Saturday night and was told I would be spanked, no arousal.

That’s two occasions in that many days when the promise of a spanking wasn’t a turn on. I’m not claiming it should be; don’t get me wrong. But then on Sunday, when reading about my upcoming punishment I did get aroused, I was surprised.

In the past, when Mrs. Lion has been active disciplining me, my interest in sex always increases. I know there is a connection between her control and my sexual desire. The connection isn’t as simple as me getting hard when I’m about to be punished, though that happens now and then.  There’s no doubt that erection or not, her consistent application of strict discipline is something I need.

This is rooted deeply in my psyche. I’m sure that some would say it comes from my childhood and lack of parental supervision. Maybe. But I suspect this is much more deeply rooted in who I am. I can’t deny this need. I’ve known about it for most of my life. Though, until my thirties, I had no idea how to articulate it. Sometimes, I imagined being spanked. That was hot. But I had no language for what was boiling under the surface.

Only when I had a chance to experience it for the first time, did I realize this was like food, even air to me.  It wasn’t that extreme. I was able to live without it for many years both before and after experiencing it. Now, with Mrs. Lion, I clearly see how important it is to me. The importance is articulated in my level of sexual interest. I think it is for most guys who share my need. It’s troubling to me that this sexual interest isn’t consistent. Promise of a spanking or other exercise of wifely power may or may not turn me on consciously. But I can’t deny its powerful effect on me beneath my consciousness.

I can’t help but wonder why I am inconsistent in terms of physically reacting to the disciplinary process. I’ve read of examples where the male gets hard before each and every spanking. The erection disappears fast enough after the spanking starts, but it is there like the overture to a Broadway show, before the curtain goes up.

It’s difficult for me to acknowledge how much I need this. I can’t label it as being submissive. That’s not my personality. It’s not masochism. I don’t like pain enough. But it is something. If nothing else, it’s part of who I am. I have to embrace it and openly acknowledge it. I don’t want to change. I may be embarrassed by being this way, but it’s who I am. I’m grateful Mrs. Lion accepts this part of me.

3 Comments

  1. Author

    Lion, your words ring a loud bell for me. Not the part about spanking; that’s not my kink, but the desire for enforced chastity is very much a fundamental, intrinsic part of me. In no other way am I submissive, but this has been part of me since well before puberty, when I’d have fantasies and play with restraining my genitals with tape.

    It was very hard to introduce my wife to this, especially since we originally came together as a typical MaleDom couple. (I’ve been active in the scene for three decades, and she even longer.) Her initial reaction was extreme concern that the powerful dominant she’d married was going to turn into a simpering pansy. It’s only been recently that she’s understood that in all other ways, I’m still that person, but I have an extremely deep-set need to have her control when I cum.

    The inconsistency tweaks me, too. I may not be the world’s most domly dom, but I am emphatically not a sub, to my wife or anyone else. I would walk through fire for her, do whatever I can to make the path smooth at her feet, and do pretty much anything she would ask, but because I want to take care of her, not submit to her. As far as submitting to anyone else, not a chance. So why this intense drive to be locked up?

    When you figure it out, let me know…
    ~

  2. Author

    Yes, I can certainly relate to this too. We are all different, what is “normal” anyway?
    I have had an interest in spanking since my teen years reading Penthouse letters.
    Sexual spanking began with me spanking a girlfriend. For many years I spanked my wife and she occasionally spanked me for my birthday. Within the past 5 years or more, I realized that I really liked being spanked and she was not into receiving. So a switch has been made. She now spanks me often, or more often, whips me with her belt or a cane.
    What am I? I guess that in many ways I am a masochist, and certainly get a great thrill out of being submissive to my wife. I love when she is in control of me sexually, including denying my orgasm. I crave much more control than she is interested in doing and wish that she would lock me up very strictly.
    LIke Lion says though, this is something I need and would not live without. I only wish that it could be more a part of my life, and not have to be hidden away.

    1. Author

      I don’t think that being spanked should be a known part of my life. Most people don’t want to hear details of your sex life. I doubt hearing your butt got blistered would get any better reception. You are very lucky your wife spanks you.

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