We’ve had a lot of reaction to recent posts about domestic discipline. Much of the reaction has been negative. The main objection seems to center around the fact that the spankings that are administered are designed to cause pain and leave lasting sensitivity. I think that the real problem is that the spankings are administered when the disciplinary wife decides her husband needs them. At first blush, this is very different from the acceptable spankings that go with BDSM scenes.
The severity of the “play” spankings are often considerably worse than the punishments meted out in the DD relationship. But, the objections claim, the play spankings were asked for and negotiated in advance. The BDSM bottom asked for the severity. According to the critics, the disciplined husband had no choice. Like it or not, he got a beating.
Before we began writing this blog, I spent a lot of time on chastity forums. I was reading, writing, and learning. The objections I read were very similar to the most recent ones about DD. A typical chastity objection went something like this: “How can a man allow someone to lock up his penis as long as the keyholder wants? That’s just cruel.”
I’m paraphrasing, of course, but that was the basic gist. It seemed to some that it is unthinkable for a man to lose control of his own sexual pleasure. Over the years, I’ve stopped seeing this sort of comment. Maybe that’s a sign of enforced chastity coming out of the kink closet. Or, maybe people who seek out online information about enforced chastity are curious and interested enough to suspend shock and disbelief. Who knows?
My point is that DD and enforced chastity are consensual activities. Both partners have agreed to the practice. DD without consent is domestic violence. Virtually every DD relationship is initiated by the male partner. It was in our case too. I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge and punish me as she saw fit. I went past that. When I felt she wasn’t strict enough, I asked her to do more. You can read all that in earlier posts.
At the time I am being punished, there is no question that I am very unhappy to experience the pain. I would love to find a way to avoid it. If I could, I would stop Mrs. Lion when it started to hurt too much. That doesn’t mean she is hurting me against my will. I asked her to be my disciplinary wife with full knowledge that I would learn to dread punishment. That’s the point, isn’t it?
I think it’s true of all couples who practice 24/7 power exchanges that everything that happens is done by mutual agreement; just not at the time things get unpleasant. The point of enforced chastity is sexual surrender. That means there are times I wish I could get off but can’t. Mrs. Lion hasn’t decided I should get an orgasm. At times like that I can be sorry I started all this. But, you know, even in those dark moments I know what we are doing is very right for me.
When I am flat on the bed and Mrs. Lion is using a very painful implement to spank me, you can bet I wish I could make her stop. Well, no, not really. I just want it to be over. Even when my butt glows and hurts if I try to sit or lie on my back, I know those sensations are the result of a very loving partner’s attention to me.
Others may not understand that I want to be “hurt”. But I do; not because I like pain. Quite the contrary. But because the pain is only part of a complex relationship that provides us both with greater happiness.
Wearing a chastity device is often inconvenient. At this point, one isn’t necessary to enforce Mrs. Lion’s control. No matter how horny I get, caged or wild, I’m not going to take matters into my own hands. We both know that. We both want me to remain caged anyway. It’s come to mean something to us that we can’t quite put into words. But we know it’s important I stay in a chastity device.
Believe it or not, I need those spankings too. I get a sense of security and love from the strict leadership of my lioness. We’ve both come to realize that even if I don’t earn punishment, I need “maintenance” spankings anyway. I guess it’s like the chastity device. It provides a connection that contributes to our happiness.
Yes, it’s perverted. I suppose that’s why we call these practices, “kinks.”
I think everyone is missing the basic bottom line as you stated … the activity is very much consensual and negotiated … basic rules if you will … No one LIKES to be disciplined, hence the behavior improvement (hopefully) … When I am doing the action that upsets or tips the balance , it’s absolutely necessary and paramount my husband punish me … otherwise it’s just chaos and not the fun kind
Love your and Mrs Lion posts ❤️️
I think most (or all) of the “reactions” were mine. Just to be clear, I don’t “object” to anything that is truly consensual. In your case, you engineered all of this, so it’s obviously what you want.
I was just trying to understand the psychology and reconcile the reactions I have to watching DD videos or reading DD blog posts (i.e., the harshness) with the idea that there must be some benefit to putting yourself through this.
What is interesting to note is the relatively trivial nature of your “offenses” relative to the ones I see elsewhere. To me that (and the use of “maintenance spankings”) suggests that some actual behavioral change is not the key driver of your doing this. Yet many DD practitioners claim that is the goal. However, you seem to want and need the discipline regardless of what you have or haven’t done (or the seriousness thereof). As you point out, you fill an emotional and psychological need by doing that.
What is trickier for me often is the attitude of the disciplining wives. I have a hard time watching videos or reading descriptions in which they seem to enjoy inflicting pain on their husbands. Mrs. Lion does not seem to enjoy that per se, but she does claim to enjoy catching infractions. It’s hard to understand that except as it gives her an opportunity to punish, but I don’t claim to know the answer.
Also, many of the videos or blog posts I see are ones where the wife seems to be filling a need for revenge or to make herself feel better by beating her husband. The concept of beating someone to make yourself feel better doesn’t sit well with me, but perhaps I missing part of the picture.
Thanks for your explanation of the psychology at play. Good stuff.
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