Today I am starting my new job. I’m very excited. I realize that I’ve been depressed and worried for the two months I have been out of work. I realize that was truly pointless. I had been sent signals from my new company since the first interview that eventually I would get the job. I read the signals correctly, but wouldn’t allow myself to trust them. I know why I didn’t. I just refused to trust the fact that things were working out. It didn’t help that the recruiting process took almost three months to complete. I can’t hold my breath that long.
This experience reminded me that when it comes to a female led relationship or enforced chastity, most of us can’t hold our breath at all. What I mean is that it is very hard to patiently wait for our partners to fully adopt the lifestyle we want. It’s not all our fault. The stuff we read describes a process that is virtually instant. Boy wants chastity. Girl agrees to keyhold. Girl immediately turns him into her toy. Boy almost never gets to come. That’s the typical story. It isn’t how things happened in the lions’ den.
First of all, very few partners are ready, willing, or able to become effective keyholders or disciplining wives when they first start out. For that matter, very few men are able to accept the level of control they requested when they begin. It takes time to learn to gracefully accept enforced abstinence. When we started, I found it very difficult to manage waiting more than a very few days between orgasms. Mrs. Lion was more than willing to jerk me off when I got grumpy. Why not? She didn’t see any point in all this beyond entertaining me.
I had no real idea what benefits she should get from this new arrangement. The same is true of FLR. Despite the stories, very few women are seeking more authority and responsibility. Nor do they get any particular pleasure out of disciplining their partners. Mrs. Lion doesn’t get anything out of spanking me. In the beginning, I got hard just thinking of her holding a paddle. I would be hard when she started the spanking. The erection disappeared almost immediately after the first swat. But she could see that I seemed to like the idea of being spanked. I do. But the reality is no fun at all.
The stuff that we think should be rewarding to our partners, usually isn’t. The value proposition didn’t appear until much later when Mrs. Lion realized that our relationship is improved by our new lifestyle. Until she heard the music, I had to hold my breath and provide the motivation for us to continue.
Right now we are at a fork in the road. For some time, I haven’t been enthusiastic about either enforced chastity or domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion has been very understanding; perhaps too understanding. Punishments are forgotten. I’ve liked that. She’s let me stay uncaged longer than she planned because I like being wild. More significantly, I think, she has let me control whether or not I get edged or even teased. On the surface, this is a reasonable accommodation to my low spirits and distraction caused by being unemployed.
It makes sense on one level. She can’t force me to get hard, can she? Technically, she can’t. In fact, application of the Magic Wand or her mouth overcomes any lack of interest. She’s said that it makes no sense to arouse me if I don’t want to be aroused. After a lot of thought, I disagree. She is in control and sex is no different than any other part of my life. If I decide I want to be a messy eater and cover my shirt with stains, would she accept that and not punish me? I don’t think so. By the same token, why should she accept I don’t want to get hard and be edged? If she wants me hard, then I should have an erection.
Of course, that is more difficult to accept than stained shirts. But in reality, if I don’t get hard when she wants, then I am disobedient. I realize that in her mind, getting hard and edged is supposed to be fun for me. She’s right; it is. But, more significantly, if she wants me to be aroused and edged every day, then that is as firm a rule as not interrupting or spilling food. If she is unable to get me to perform, then shouldn’t I be punished too?
She owns my sexuality. I’ve interpreted that to mean she can make me wait for orgasm. But there is more to it. She can require me to be aroused and responsive on her schedule regardless of my preference at the moment. I wonder if dealing with this the same way as interrupting her will deliver a new, stronger message about her control of me. I don’t get locked in a chastity device only when I want. Why should I be allowed to avoid sexual arousal when I am not in the mood?