Priorities

Most people, including me, started out in enforced chastity because it was a sexually exciting idea. The thought of surrendering sexual power sent a little tingle down “there”. Considering chastity hardware was exciting too. It’s amazingly ironic that the big motivator for enforced chastity is sexual arousal thinking about loss of sexual control. However, while a lot of women think that males are simple, sexually-driven souls, the reality is that we can be quite complex, even about sex.

Enforced chastity brings this complexity into sharp focus. Here we are asking our partners to hold the key to a lock on a device that prevents any sexual arousal or orgasm and the thought of doing this makes us hard. Crazy, no? But that’s exactly what we do. We can’t be that irrational, can we? Well, yes we probably can. But I don’t think so in most cases.

Consider this. In my case, prior to enforced chastity our sex life was close to nonexistent. I felt that Mrs. Lion wasn’t really interested in me sexually. She felt that I didn’t initiate and that made her angry. We never discussed this. We just didn’t have sex. I never was very good at sexual initiation. My inability to do this consistently predated Mrs. Lion by many years. I was very uncomfortable with this problem.

My opportunities for sexual expression, even alone, were few. Porn just doesn’t do much for me. Occasionally I would find something that turned me on. But it just wasn’t worth the trouble to wade through all the stuff online to find something I liked. Masturbation was less fun than dealing with a physical need.

I always got turned on when I looked at chastity devices. I didn’t think through how it would feel to be locked in one long term, but I liked the idea of penis bondage. I had no serious expectation that I would want to be locked up, but the idea of trying it turned me on. As you know, I asked to be locked up and now I am in my third year of living in a chastity device.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about why I did this. I want to say that I didn’t think this through when we first started. I just wanted to try it. The fact that it worked out for us surprised me. I think I understand what made it work for me. Maybe it applies to you too.

Asking to be locked into a chastity device actually had very little to do with my penis. It was an attempt to get past the sexual impasse that was creating distance between us. I figured that if I was locked into a chastity device, there would be no ambiguity about sexual initiation. At least that’s what I figured. I also thought that Mrs. Lion would be aware that she and only she held the key to any sexual pleasure I could get. That power could have gone one of two ways.

The way I hoped it would work out had her providing me with sexual release on some regular basis. The other way would have her continue to ignore me sexually and leave me not only without her stimulation, but without the ability to get myself off. Fortunately, she loves me very much and agreed to cage me because it made me happy to be locked up. So, I lucked out. Others haven’t been that lucky.

The one thing that wasn’t in our initial try was a real power exchange. My lioness was indulging me and made me wait and got me off because that’s what I wanted. After all, that’s exactly what I wanted. Over time, things have evolved. She still focuses on making me sexually happy, but she only does that when she wants to. We have a real power exchange. I no longer can choose to take the cage off. I can’t talk her into an orgasm when I am especially horny. She is in charge.

What started as something that made me hard has turned into a fundamental shift in our relationship. Sexual ambiguity is gone. I’ve lost all sexual control and I’ve learned to like that a lot. My priority is no longer getting off. It’s enjoying the intimacy we now share.

2 Comments

  1. Author

    I think initiating sex is a tripping point for a lot of men, at least it has been in my experience. I wonder if initiating is a learned behavior or if it is a natural inclination (or lack thereof).

    I think societal expectations influence us all on levels we’ve yet to fully comprehend, but I think the “men take charge” stereotype is still pervasive, and in interpersonal relationships between the sexes, it leads to confusion. Especially when so many mixed messages are having to be deciphered, in terms of what it means to Be A Man. (Be cautious but adventurous, take the lead but listen to her, discipline the children but be soft-hearted, work hard but be home often, be a meat & potatoes man but make sure you’re a gourmet cook, etc, etc, ad infinitum.)

    I feel perhaps this (initiation issues) has a place in a larger discussion.

    […thinking…]

    1. Author

      Excellent points. While it hasn’t made me feel that I am less masculine, my discomfort with initiation has been painful for me. The less we are bound by sexual stereotypes and the more we negotiate roles that fit correctly, the happier we are; at least that’s been my experience. I’m very lucky my wife is such a wonderful person.

      By the way, I fixed your typo and deleted the correction.

What do you think?