November 2014 (Page 5)

The Lion Tracker is supposed to help keep track of punishments, play sessions, and rewards I give Lion. But, once again, I’ve become inconsistent. Because of this we can get confused about our every other day play schedule. Lion thinks I missed a day. Fortunately, it has only been a few days since his last orgasm, so I know I didn’t.

Lion’s orgasm was on the 17th, Monday. That means, if nothing else, I should play with him on Wednesday and Friday. I did. Plus I think I also played with him Tuesday. Bonus! I’ll need to be more consistent with the Lion Tracker to avoid disputes.

Last night’s ruined orgasm was not intentional. I was only trying to edge him. I was listening for the sounds he makes as he reaches the edge and either missed it or didn’t react fast enough. Ironically, after I edged him once, I was thinking that part of the fun of edging is that he has no idea if I will just edge him or if it will be a bonus orgasm. I don’t think I’d ever do a ruined orgasm on purpose. He was a little upset that it happened, although I guess he thought it was his fault. I’m not sure how he could have stopped himself. We haven’t done any training with it.

I think today may be a butt plug day. I still haven’t gotten the large Njoy plug in him. It won’t happen today, but any plug will help get him ready. That means tomorrow is spanking bench day. We’ll make sure we post a picture of it so you can see how easy it is to build your own.

The night before last there was no activity. This hasn’t happened in a long time. As we read in her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion has some weekend plans for me. In her defense, I didn’t ask her not to play with me, but she knew that I had some bad news and was worried. Last night we went out to dinner and after a while, I took a short nap. Again, it is perfectly fine with me that nothing happened. At least that’s what I thought. After I had brushed my teeth and was settled in bed, Mrs. Lion came over, unlocked me and teased me. Unfortunately, it ended in a ruined orgasm that she didn’t intend.

Clearly, it’s no big deal we missed a scheduled tease. My feelings aren’t hurt. But something did change. For my part, I made no move or mention of sexual activity. I am giving Mrs. Lion topping space. I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t similar to when we stopped playing. I didn’t initiate, no sex, we lost intimacy along with the sex. I didn’t think that my withdrawal of mentioning teasing would also end the teasing. The only ever time Mrs. Lion missed one of her teasing days was when I was too sick to get any pleasure out of it.

I may be oversensitive. It’s just one miss. But it is also the one time I made a strong effort to give her space and not make any effort to promote that teasing. I’m pretty sure that she decided to skip tonight because she has plans for the weekend. This can be all in my head. If it is, I am suffering from a common bottom problem: insecurity brought on by dependence. The deeper the surrender, the more dependent I become. The more dependent, the more seriously affected by things that would have little importance under other circumstances.

It isn’t that Mrs. Lion owes me that teasing. She has a perfect right to decide not to do it. It’s that I interpret her change of pattern as something the is the harbinger of more neglect later. That’s the insecurity I feel as a bottom. When I first started playing, I was the bottom and I remember exactly the same feelings. Back then, with no experience, I had no idea what was going on and I acted out. I got angry easily and pouted a lot. Now, with all those years of experience under my belt, I recognize the feeling and don’t feel any need to act out.

It does remind me that when I was a top I remembered this feeling and followed some simple rules to help my bottom avoid this pitfall. The first is to realize that with loss of control, the importance of a promise becomes much more important. So, if for any reason I decided not to do something I promised, I always told my bottom that I remembered what I had said and changed my mind. After all, that was my right as a top. The bottom wasn’t always happy, of course, but at least she knew that I hadn’t forgotten her or my promise.

This sort of issue is truly a top killer. Bottoms aren’t the only ones who are hyper sensitive to the things the top does or doesn’t do. Tops are very rarely comfortable with the power they have. It’s incredibly easy to feel guilty about “hurting” the bottom’s feelings. Topping from the bottom is often using this guilt to manipulate the top.

Mrs. Lion shouldn’t feel a bit guilty about missing a tease night. She has an absolute right to add nights or miss them. I don’t resent that. I don’t ever want to be the cause of any guilty feelings for Mrs. Lion. I don’t want her to feel a sacred obligation to do something with me every other night. I do want her to recognize that small things sometimes become big deals in the mind of a lion learning to be submissive. It would help me to hear, “I know this is our regular play night, but I don’t want to do it tonight, my pet.”

That wouldn’t make me smile, but inside I would know that I am not forgotten. Am I being too sensitive? Do other caged males get these same feelings? Please let me know.

To me, there is nothing as sexy as Lion’s butt. I’m very fond of Mr. Weenie, too. But his derriere is my favorite. Especially when he bends over. Yum! With that in mind I’ve decided that he’ll be spending some time this weekend on the spanking bench.

We built this device several years ago. It looks more or less like a saw horse with a cushion on top and a place to rest his legs. As you can imagine, there aren’t many manufacturers of BDSM furniture. Sometimes you have to do it yourself. Our spanking bench looks like something we made. It isn’t exactly a work of art, but it gets the job done. Lion’s wrists and ankles are secure. His belly is on the cushion. His sexy buns are sticking out for my viewing pleasure. And, of course, for my spanking pleasure.

Lion calls the home improvement store an adult toy store. His favorite aisle is the rope and chain aisle. He wasn’t that thrilled when I found velcro there, however. Nasty little teeth that bite into his cock. Poor boy. He also loves the clamps. And we have some nasty ones. Sex stores may not be readily available in many places, but there is usually a hardware store even in the smallest towns. No one needs to know what you need with fifty feet of rope or those clamps. Next time you’re in the store take a stroll down the rope aisle. You might see new possibilities.

There are times that I think it was a mistake to share so much in our blog. We decided to use this blog as a way to communicate our adventures in enforced chastity. We decided early on that it wouldn’t be endless sexual adventures, but would be a combination of what we did and how we felt.

In that spirit we have been very open about everything that has to do with our power exchange and how we incorporate male chastity into our relationship.We have also talked about problems we have had in the past.

Some of the things that were revealed in our posts surprised me. Mrs. Lion has talked about how she felt during the times we weren’t sexually active. She said she struggled with things I wanted because she felt I wasn’t giving to her. But during those years we never talked about this. We never tried to work out a way to make things work in bed.

Of course, all this is very public now and some of our readers have contributed comments that add to our discussions. I am very happy to see this participation. Some comments have made me feel badly.  The reason for this is that apparently either we are not doing this correctly, or we can’t communicate the three dimensional nature of enforced chastity. For the record, I have over three decades of topping and bottoming and I know all about topping from the bottom. Apparently some of our readers don’t know much about it at all.

Topping from the bottom is a manipulation of the top to give the bottom what he wants. It’s usually not subtle and almost never occurs in long term power exchanges. You are most likely to find this behavior in a playroom during a two hour scene. In my topping days, I put a stop to it quickly. Some of our readers mistake communication with topping from the bottom. Asking for something isn’t topping. It’s just asking. In my case, Mrs. Lion can always say, “No.” Sometimes it’s hard for her to do that, but she is learning. Other times she likes my suggestion and gives it a try.

Which is better: staying silent and never opening up new opportunities to the inexperienced top, or offering suggestions and making requests? Depending on the situation either is appropriate. I try to reserve my requests and suggestions for times we are not playing. That gives Mrs. Lion time to consider what I have said and doesn’t put pressure on her to do what I want then and there.

Some of you have interpreted her accepting of a suggestion or request as weakness on her part and topping from the bottom on mine. It’s just not true. First and foremost we love one another. Mrs. Lion is my keyholder and top because I asked her to be (Oh No! Topping from the bottom.). She is doing it to make me happy. Naturally, she wants to know exactly what does make me happy. That makes perfect sense to me.

Over the last 10 months, Mrs. Lion has begun to develop her own topping dialect. She is far less inclined to take every suggestion I make. She has made it clear that she is her own lioness and while she may be doing all this for me, she understands that I don’t want to write her lines or direct our movie. We are communicating and learning.

A comment came in yesterday from a female reader who indicated that she is losing interest in becoming a keyholder because of the level of effort required in real-life enforced chastity.  Here’s what she said,

I have to be honest here, the more I read your blog, and I read it fairly consistently, the more I see I am less tempted to pursue this keyholding I was formerly quite intending to engage in with someone. I say just chop it off, kidding. But it seems very time consuming and a lot of focus on balancing out tease and denial. Unless one is a sadist then I suspect it’s easier. I wonder how long this dynamic can be sustained? But that’s one of the points of reading the blog isn’t it? 

I sense that the subtext here is that she worries teasing could easily be too cruel. Actually, that is one thing you never have to worry about. I’ve yet to meet a guy who doesn’t learn to absolutely love teasing. The only reason you need to stop a teasing session is that you are tired and want to lock him back up.  The other issue is the time it takes. Well, if you lock up someone you are in a relationship with, the time spent will be quality time, and time you would have been together anyway.

Despite the changes Mrs. Lion and I are making, enforced chastity is fun. Admittedly, it is more fun for me than her, but she gets something out of this too. We are much more sexually active, we hug and kiss more, we laugh together more, and we have more intimacy than we have had in years. If, on the other hand, you just want to lock up a random male, I suspect you will grow tired of it quickly. Enforced chastity is an investment that is made by the keyholder in the ultimate happiness of the caged male. So, you need a reason to make that investment. The same is true of the male. He needs to want more than just getting his cock locked up. He needs to want to develop the trust and love that comes from dependence on another.

(Getting off my soapbox)