Mojo
I’ve been trying to get my mojo back. At Lion’s suggestion, I’ve been a little meaner. He asked to eat first and I told him I was pretty sure he could wait for me. He’s been working to restore parts of the blog so he’ll just disappear out of the room. I asked him if he would mind going back to the rule where he has to ask me if he can leave the room. He said he wouldn’t mind. I told him it didn’t really matter if he minded or not because the rule is now in effect.
These examples may seem like piddly little things, but I realize I need baby steps. I feel like I’ve been pretty far into the weeds lately and I need to fight my way out. Stupid little statements like “I want you to empty the dishwasher” or “Put this in the garbage for me” are important to bolstering my self esteem.
Lion is working hard toward not interrupting me. I don’t think he’s done it since Saturday. I’ve interrupted him and when I realize it I apologize. He says I’m allowed to do it. That may be true, but it’s still rude and apologizing for it is, to me, a sign I respect Lion. Just because I don’t get my butt whomped for it doesn’t make it any less of an offense. Rude is rude.
Last night Lion admitted that it might be difficult for him to wear the cage again. He’s concerned about getting up from the toilet in one of our bathrooms as well as those at work. I don’t want to rush him. When he feels he’s able to, we can go back to it. This morning he suggested a trial run. He is now locked into the plastic cage with access to the key in case he needs to extricate himself.
The cage went on easily. This is not always the case. Maybe it was the cage’s way of welcoming us back to his being locked up. It was nice to see the tip of my weenie poking out. We’ll see how long he can keep it on. The plastic cage has a tendency to rub. He worked on it the other day to smooth it out. This is a good test run. And there’s no penalty for having to remove it. (Not that there ever is if he has an emergency.)
Another rule just crossed my mind. When we watch local news, or even some national news, Lion often says “who cares?” when he sees what he considers a frivolous story. I usually tell him many people care or they wouldn’t be reporting it. Sometimes I care. Sometimes he says it and by the end of the story, he cares. I’ve tried saying it about stories I know he cares about, but it’s had no effect. So his new rule is to stop saying “who cares?” when it’s something he doesn’t care about.
Hmmm… maybe the mojo is returning. See it peeking around the corner there?
Improving The Chastity Experience
Wearing a male chastity device full time is challenging for any male. Leading the challenges is getting a device comfortable enough for full-time wear. Our page, Getting A Good Fit shares my experience in achieving this. Once you’ve got a device you can wear continuously, other issues invariably crop up. I’m in my fourth year of enforced male chastity. I’ve had almost two months off from wearing a device while I recover from shoulder surgery. It’s very close to the time I will be locked up again. I thought I would share what I’ve learned about living with a chastity device.
One of my greatest challenges is dealing with peeing. My device is properly fitted, so my urethra peeks out from the center hole. This often makes using a urinal clean and easy. Unfortunately, even in a properly fitted device the urethra can wander, even bite one of the bars. If I don’t notice this condition before starting, the result is a spray that backfires and wets my pants as well as the floor below the urinal. Every caged male experiences this from time to time. The only cure is to remember to check before firing.
Another, particularly annoying experience is dripping. Any pee that gets trapped in or on your device will drip into your underwear. This is unpleasant and can cause bad odors. Tube devices, in particular will drip as they slowly attempt to drain. Unfortunately, they retain some urine. Over time, you will really start to smell bad.
There are two problems to solve: dripping, and retained urine. I expect to be back in my cage soon. I’ve decided to take the bull by the horns and handle the dripping problem with an absorbent shield. When Mrs. Lion locks me up again, I will begin wearing one. This is new to me. I think it will help hide the device and protect me. I find I do drip a while after peeing.
Keeping a tube-type device clean isn’t easy. I wore one when I was testing devices. The biggest issue is that a properly sized tube fits like a glove. The penis is in full contact with the walls and tip at all times. That makes getting dried urine out of the device while you are wearing it, quite a challenge. I found a partial solution. A lab wash bottle (see image, left) provides an ideal way to wash and rinse a tight tube while you wear it. Put a little liquid soap or ultrasonic cleaner solution in the bottle, fill with water and shake. Now you can comfortably insert the cleaning nozzle into your chastity device and thoroughly soap up both your penis and cage. Leave it there for a minute or two to allow solids to dissolve. Then, you can either empty the bottle, or use a new bottle filled with warm water and rinse. Use the entire contents of the wash bottle.
You may also want to use a shower massager to further rinse. but due to the close fit in the tube, the wash bottle is necessary. Every month or so, if you can be unlocked, a 15 minute cleaning in an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner will remove every trace of body oils and urine. I use this model.
At home, I sit to pee. Even with my urethra in the right place (Image, right), the exact direction of spray is very random. I don’t like wiping up pee when I miss.
Even with a cage model, smell can build up too. Washing is easy in the shower. A daily shower is critical to maintain a pleasant, odor-free cage. I find the shower massager invaluable. The cage builds up body oils mixed with urine. Regular deep cleaning is essential. I use the ultrasonic cleaner for this.
Like most things in life, wearing a chastity device isn’t as simple as it looks. I’ve had to make changes to accommodate it. I don’t regret the extra work at all. After all this time, the cleaning and other changes are just a normal part of my life.
Do We Need It?
Lion has been wild for a few months now. Before his surgery, he was in pain and it just made sense to take that one hassle off his plate. After the surgery, he’s had a hard enough time maneuvering himself, the cage would have been too much. This weekend he started making noises like he’s ready for the cage to go back on.
This morning he said we should try to get back to normal and mentioned the cage again. I thought we’d been trying to get back to normal for at least a week. If he’s ready for the cage, we can put it back on. Then he asked me if I like the cage. I told him I think he looks good in it. He thinks I’m humoring him.
I haven’t really thought much about it, but I realize now that I miss the cage. Ordinarily I don’t really notice the cage. I’m wondering if I miss it because it hasn’t been on, but once it’s on I’ll go back to not noticing it. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all.
The only time I really think about the cage is when it has to come off or go on. Then it’s a pain in the neck. Just one more thing to think about. I know it serves a purpose other than keeping Lion from touching my weenie. It’s a symbol of my power over him. But, for the most part, I don’t care if it’s on or not. Why then would I miss it?
Nothing has changed. Lion is no more likely to masturbate with or without the cage. True, he can get hard without it and he’s written that he played with himself in the middle of the night when he was hard, but he won’t go further than that. I don’t, consciously at least, feel any more or less powerful with or without it.
So does it matter if it’s on or off? I don’t know. I think maybe we’ll try it back on for a while to see how it goes. If Lion jumped the gun and needs it off again because it’s too difficult to deal with right now, that’s fine. Otherwise, we can discuss the pros and cons and go from there.
Just Say No For No Particular Reason
Mrs. Lion and I discussed how we could help let her express her power. That’s not as easy to do as you might think. We have a great marriage. We are truly partners. Things flow smoothly nearly all the time. We have a peaceful, loving relationship. Oddly, that may be the problem with Mrs. Lion letting me know when I make her angry. Why disturb our tranquility?
My idea of adding domestic discipline was to provide an easy path to getting her to let me know when I piss her off. We decided that she needed training wheels. She needs opportunities to punish me for breaking a rule. So, she came up with some rules that I am almost certainly going to break. They include, punishing me for getting food on my shirt (I can be a slob) and eating before her. These rules are sensible and have no emotional loading for either of us.
They’ve worked in terms of punishment. Mrs. Lion has no problem giving me hard swats on my bare bottom for breaking them. So far, she is lenient. While every swat is painfully hard, she only gives me a few. It took quite a while for those swats to be hard enough to make me yelp. Lesson learned. She also gives me maintenance swats on occasion. They serve to remind me how it feels if I break a rule and keeps her ready and willing to punish me.
That’s the area we agree are successful. My post yesterday discussed where we aren’t doing as well. We’ve been trying to come up with ways to help Mrs. Lion use her punishments to respond to more serious infractions that actually make her angry. So far, we haven’t come up with anything. I had an idea this morning. Maybe it would help if Mrs. Lion said “no” more often.
She is a very fair person. When we have a meal and she wants to cut up food or do something else before she starts eating, she will always give me permission to eat first. If I ask if I can eat first, she always agrees I can. That’s only fair, after all. The problem is that Mrs. Lion isn’t reinforcing her power when she is fair to me. The essence of all the BDSM stories out there is that the stern mistress denies her submissive most everything. She says no to almost any request, and says no to herself when she is tempted to do something nice for him. That fantasy is fine for a limited BDSM session. As a lifestyle it’s intolerable to both of them. But you get the idea.
What I’m suggesting is for Mrs. Lion to disappoint me intentionally. When she does it, she should let me know that she is doing it because she can. Obviously, this is going to make me unhappy. Uh oh! Mrs. Lion does almost all of our power exchange to make me happy. What I’m suggesting is to intentionally make me unhappy. I won’t kid you; I’ll really hate this. This is not the way I want things to go. It won’t turn me on or feed my so-called submissive side. This is about real life, not BDSM play.
My theory is that by actually disappointing me and making me unhappy, Mrs. Lion will learn that there are no consequences she can’t handle. I won’t leave or have a tantrum. If I act like a toddler when she says no, she has experience spanking me for that. I will certainly be sad and perhaps, upset. It will be very hard for her to do this. But I think it will teach her that she truly has power.
This display of authority can be extended to some daily activities. She can order for me in restaurants. She can get me what I like, or something I wouldn’t select on my own. The idea isn’t to make me eat something I don’t want. That would just be cruel. But to order something that is clearly not my first choice. Doing that has real impact on me. But that’s not the point of doing it. The idea is to provide real life situations where by the sheer force of her power, she makes me unhappy.
I think that the main reason Mrs. Lion is unwilling to let me know I upset her is that over many years she has been conditioned by very negative reactions when she lets someone know they pissed her off. I know her first husband shut her down whenever she expressed her feelings. This is where all that spanking practice comes in as well. I’m not sure she can do it, but if I do react to her decision in an inappropriate way, instead of shutting down she can spank me to let me know she won’t stand for that behavior.
Hmm, I guess there is a lesson in this concept for me as well. I will learn to gracefully accept her decisions. I will learn to submit in a good way by gracefully giving her the opportunity to let her make the choices for both of us.
I’m don’t want to be disappointed. I truly like and expect to get my way. This will be very difficult for me, at least at first. I’m hoping that Mrs. Lion will quickly internalize her power and we can go back to a more balanced relationship. I strongly believe that this exercise will be really good for both of us. She isn’t the only one who needs to change. I reluctantly admit I do too.
Maybe part of the reason we have such a peaceful relationship is that Mrs. Lion is very accepting of what I want. There’s nothing wrong with that. But we clearly need to adjust things. This is the first time I’ve suggested such a fundamental change. I don’t know if Mrs. Lion will agree and how we will both react. If she agrees, we will all find out together.
