Male Chastity (Page 262)

One of the more difficult problems we face is dealing with sex. If you have been reading our posts, an amazingly big part of forced male chastity is sex. That is surprising since our cages prevent sex. But that’s not really totally correct. The cages allow our keyholders to control our sexual experiences, not eliminate them. Thank goodness! My lioness is not all that interested in initiating sex. I’m not all that good at it either. Before I was caged, we had an uncomfortable standoff. Mrs. Lion was willing to forgo sex rather than initiate and I would get more and more horny, finally hinting in a very unsubtle way that I needed release. The net result was that I got a handjob or two a week and my poor lioness got nothing. This made me feel very guilty, but I just couldn’t work out how to break this cycle.

My interest in forced chastity has been around for over fifteen years. I made the recent (February 2014) decision to actually try it, not because I thought it would cure our problem, but because the idea really turned me on. As you know, she agreed. What happened next is chronicled here. What happened Friday night can only be described as a breakthrough. Let me start from the beginning.

Every day my lioness and I exchange affectionate text messages, telling each other how much we love one another. We also send one-word messages: “KISS”. Friday, I was thinking how nice it would be to lick her to orgasm. I got a chance to do that last week and loved it. I always love to taste my lioness. So, instead of KISS, I sent her “Lick (if you let me)”. She replied “Maybe”. Promising! I had initiated in a way consistent with my role as her caged male and she had replied appropriately.

Friday night, she uncaged me and I asked her if I could lick her. She agreed. I spent some really nice time between her legs enjoying her taste and smell. Yum! When she had enough, I rolled over on my back to rest a bit and to enjoy her scent lingering on my face. A few minutes later she sat up and began playing with my penis. It didn’t take long to get me hard and excited. I was really getting into it when she stopped. She then climbed on to me, and began to ride me. I really love that! She does too; she has her best penetration orgasms in that position. She had a lot of fun. I did too. She asked if I could come this way. I really couldn’t. I liked that. It meant I could please her without getting off myself. She said I could come if I wanted, but I really couldn’t. Usually, this position is guaranteed to make me come. She continued riding for several nice orgasms.

When she was done, she climbed off and began masturbating me again. I surprised myself by saying, “You know, just because you came doesn’t mean I have to.” She kept playing with me for a bit, then stopped. She told me I was all sticky and said I should wash off and then I could go back into my cage. I went to the bathroom and washed. By the time I got back, I was soft and she immediately caged me. I was really horny! But, I was also happy.

One of the key points in forced male chastity is that the keyholder uses her male’s penis for her pleasure without regard for the male’s satisfaction. I really wanted my lioness to do that. For the very first time that is what happened. She had a lot of fun using both my mouth and my cock for her pleasure and then locked me back up without me getting to come. Don’t get me wrong, I really want to come. I am not one of those guys who wants to see how long he can go without squirting. I like it too much. On the other hand, part of my fantasy is for my lioness to use me for her pleasure and then lock me up unsatisfied.

My lioness is a very kind woman. She wants me to have fun more than she wants to have fun herself. She is giving and generous. I also think that she doesn’t let me know what her needs really are. Now, for the first time, she put herself first and took her pleasure from me. You know, It was more satisfying for me than coming myself. I may have had intermittent erections all night as I thought of getting off, but I went to sleep with a smile on my face knowing that I pleased my lioness unselfishly. I really want that to happen again and again. Mrs. Lion made me really happy in a new and wonderful way.

This may sound silly, but I really light up when Mrs. Lion says, “Good Boy!” to me. I can’t explain why, but it does. I know she thinks it is demeaning and silly and she really doesn’t want to say it. She wrote about that here. The thing is that I really love earning that. I also truly love earning a “Good Job!” too.  This is way bigger for me than it might seem on the surface.

Somehow we need to figure out how to support the keyholder led sexual relationship inside a more traditional partnership

In reality, what I really need is praise for doing the right thing, but not praise the way you would praise your employee or friend, but praise from a superior, or, if you will the way you praise a pet. This may sound odd, but Mrs. Lion has control of an important part of me. I have asked her to take control. That puts her in the position of making decisions about rewards and punishments, praise or criticism. It’s what I want.

It isn’t easy to put that on someone you love and who loves you. I am sure Mrs. Lion does not want to think of her husband as a pet. We already have pets. That isn’t what I am asking. I am still the lion of the house. I still pay the bills and make a lot of decisions for us as a couple. I am not passive, nor ever will be. So how does all this praise, punishment, and control fit it?

I have to admit that the praise and punishment is the tip of this iceberg. We don’t tend to think of each other in neat compartments. Mrs. Lion owns the sexual compartment, I own the bill paying one. It is never that easy for either the caged male or his keyholder. But if we are to make long term forced chastity work, we need to do just that. Somehow we need to figure out how to support the keyholder led sexual relationship inside a more traditional partnership. By extension, if other areas of life outside the cage are also involved, the solution must include them as well.

In terms of actions, it may be simpler. If we agree (Mrs. Lion and I) on the boundaries of her keyholder authority, then what is and isn’t inside of our play should be clear to both of us. It still doesn’t help with the emotional components that make it so difficult to be a keyholder.  To the caged male the temptation is to say, “All you have to do is…..” I realize this sort of advice, aside from topping from the bottom, isn’t at all helpful. Mrs. Lion is doing her best to work into this difficult role. I have to be patient and constantly remain aware just how much I am asking her to change. It turns out that wearing the cage is the easier job.

I know that for me forced chastity is more than just caging my penis. It also involves at the least, loss of sexual control. Giving up control, or more correctly, losing control to my keyholder has always been a big part of my chastity fantasies. I think it is part of most forced chastity male fantasies. It is this part of the fantasy that is probably the most difficult for a new keyholder. How many partners want the extra emotional and physical effort to “train” or “condition” the chaste male? This aspect is the most difficult for my lioness. She doesn’t seem to like the role of top.

The top role involves reward and punishment. More correctly, it is reward and correction. To a new top, there is a lot of mystery and anxiety about being put in the position of administering correction. Providing rewards is no problem for most. Can a caged male feel controlled with rewards alone? I am sure it won’t work for me. Only by feeling the presence of my top’s control of me can I experience my desired sense of her ownership of my cock. Optimally, if I am to realize my fantasy, my keyholder will condition my behavior to her liking.

This is where real life gets difficult. My lioness has never been trained in the art of male control. I can’t think of anyone who has prior to a male asking for it. So, as a new keyholder your only input is probably your caged male partner. Clearly we caged males are not the best source of help. We have had years of fantasy to move further and further away from reality. We need reigning in.

Assuming you want to consider male control, the biggest problem is where to start and how to enforce your wishes. My suggestion is to start with things that are easy to see and have little-to-no emotional loading for you or him. Things like, fetching you treats, pampering you, or even some simple behavioral changes are a good place to start. If you are uncomfortable asking for things for yourself, consider the behavioral route. For example, you can require that your male always stand with his hands behind his back if he isn’t holding or carrying anything. In this case, you are just providing a harmless behavioral change.

When you want to make a behavioral change, there are two things you should do to make the change unconscious: reward success and provide correction when the behavior doesn’t happen. The reward is as simple as a “Good boy!” when you observe him doing what you asked. The correction is a bit more difficult. Optimally, corrections should be immediate. They can be as simple as a “Where are your hands?”, or something physical. Stay tuned for some ideas for immediate correction ideas.

One technique almost guaranteed to make a new keyholder wince is electro stimulation. This is the use of a device that gives a very brief and safe shock to your male when he needs correction. I know that I won’t like being corrected this way, but I know from my reading in behavioral psychology it is effective and humane. One relatively cheap (less than $100) way to do this is with a dog’s anti-bark collar — the kind with a remote control. This can be strapped under your male’s balls with the contact on his scrotum. These collars have many levels of correction available. The weakest ones will barely be felt. These devices offer the significant advantage of limiting the keyholder’s action to simply pressing a button. The caged male will feel it and if he chooses to ignore it, you can escalate easily. It isn’t visible under almost any clothing, it’s waterproof, and it will truly work if you are consistent with its use. I hate to say I “want” this, but I am sure it will be effective and give me the feeling of being controlled that I crave.

It isn’t really fair that we caged males have such complex wishes. Forced chastity is more than a caged penis. As a keyholder, you probably never knew this was so involved. We caged males should be aware of how much we want and our keyholders understand that we don’t expect perfection. This lifestyle takes lots of time to take root and flourish.

I have been caged over two months. Mrs. Lion has been very good about teasing and denial, ruined orgasms, and the general maintenance a caged male requires. But it is still very clear that she is caging me because I want it. I am sure that if I ask her to take my cage off because I don’t want to wear it, that she would unlock me and give me the cage. While that is very loving, it is exactly what I don’t want. I want her to own the cage and to keep me in it as long as she wants. I also want her to own what is inside the cage as well.

This can be very difficult for her. She has made it clear that having my cock locked up does not turn her on. She isn’t excited by the power she has. She has told me that while it doesn’t turn her on, she will do it because “I like it.” Well I do like it, but not because it is a thrill to have my dick in a cage, but because I am surrendering sexual control to my lioness. I understand the truth in the old saying “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” There is nothing I can do to make Mrs. Lion get aroused by exercising sexual control over me. I accept that. But if that is the case, does it mean that I can never surrender sexual control to her?

The answer is that I can, but it means that she needs to take one more step to make this possible. If I can control whether or not I am caged in the long or short term, then I am in control. However, if Mrs. Lion consciously takes ownership of my cage and lets me know that if I want out, I’m not getting it, then I will begin to feel her control. If she also teases and denies, gives ruined orgasms, and if possible, lets me know what I can do to please her, I will feel that she has taken sexual control of me. Ideally, this power will turn her on, but even if it doesn’t, it will work for me if she does these things.

You have to ask where her WIIFM is (pronounced WiffIM, it’s What’s In It For Me)? That’s the hard part. Are there things I can do for her that will make her feel more wanted? Can I do things around the house to make her life easier? There are, and I am trying to do them. But I wonder if she even notices. I don’t need praise for everything, but acknowledgement would be really great.

I suspect that we aren’t unique. Forced male chastity has put a burden on her that she didn’t request. I wish I could find a way to make her have fun owning my sexuality. I don’t think it will “just happen” if we keep it up. I think it is a decision Mrs. Lion must make and I must support. In forced chastity, communications is key, just like the rest of having a successful relationship.