I think that a lot of people misunderstand sex, sex play, and BDSM. In an ideal world, all of those activities would arouse both partners (or more, if included). The reality is that it rarely works out that way. How many times do both partners orgasm during intercourse? I’ve been lucky enough to experience that a good percentage of the time. When Mrs. Lion rode me (cowgirl position), she would orgasm, but I wouldn’t. That’s not uncommon with that position. It’s one of the best for women but not very stimulating for the man.

Other positions got me off first. Quite a few women can’t orgasm through intercourse. They can orgasm through oral or manual stimulation. If the objective is for both (all) partners to orgasm, it’s pretty obvious that partners take turns. After Mrs. Lion had her orgasms (she liked to have several), she would either dismount and jerk me off or turn around into reverse cowgirl and let me buck until I came. We never expected that both of us would orgasm near or at the same time.

Most people know that unselfish sex requires sequential orgasms. Other activities don’t seem as well understood. Take BDSM, for example. Bottoms almost always get sexual stimulation out of the play. Many play sessions end with a happy ending for the bottom. When I was a top, I didn’t get aroused by what I was doing to the bottom. I focused on providing the best action I could. Very often, there was no sex for me. That was understood at the time.

It can get complicated in a relationship like our marriage. Mrs. Lion spanks me on a regular basis. Spanking doesn’t arouse her. As I recall, only one woman got turned on by spanking me. She considered it foreplay. She would tie me face-down, spank me until she was very aroused, then release me and have me mount her. It worked out very well for both of us. That was an exceptional situation. She said that seeing me squirm and try to get away was what really turned her on.

I always wanted Mrs. Lion to get turned on when she spanked me. I found being spanked sexually arousing. Well, no, not the actual spanking. That wasn’t any fun at all. I’m turned on thinking about getting spanked. It’s something I need. I always figure that Mrs. Lion needs a reason to spank me beyond the fact that I need it. I reasoned that if she didn’t get turned on doing it, maybe she could find it a way to balance power in the marriage or release pent-up anger. That never happens either.

I never managed to connect my own experience with topping with Mrs. Lion’s paddling me. I should. Topping, which certainly included spanking, was an exercise in pushing limits and providing the best possible experience for my bottom. I think that Mrs. Lion tries to deliver a spanking that I will remember. Sometimes (recently), she loses focus and delivers spankings that are less memorable. I admit that I’ve been grateful that she wasn’t concentrating on making me yelp for a full ten minutes. But I know that I need the more severe spankings she has taken pride in delivering.

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