Last weekend I wrote that we’d play our football spanking game. The problem was that we wanted to change the rules and we hadn’t up to that point. The other night in the shower I was thinking about it. Should it be a certain number of swats or a certain number of minutes? The way we’d done it in the past was swats per point and per sack against our quarterback. We’ve tried it at the end of the game and during the game. I thought it should be after. Lion, not surprisingly, disagreed. My thinking was that having the swats all at once would give me a chance to warm up a bit before the hard swats happen. If he gets a few swats here and a few swats there, they’ll all be hard. He says once the first swats happen, he’s warmed up anyway.
Last night we set up the new football game swats parameters. We thought two swats per point was too low. It will now be three swats per point. When our quarterback gets sacked, he’ll get three swats. We’ve never considered fumbles as spankable. When we set the sack rule, it was because our quarterback didn’t seem to understand that the other team was coming after him. He’d fumble a lot too, but we never made the rule. Obviously, and the NFL rulebook is a prime example, rules change all the time. Maybe we’ll decide fumble swats are needed. For now, those are the rules.
The other night, maybe Friday, I was snuggling with Lion and I saw the whiteboard where he keeps track of days since his last orgasm. It showed five. I asked about it, but I don’t think he heard me. It couldn’t have been five at that point. I think the most it could have been is two or three depending on how he figures it. Now that he’s done editing his book, and yes I still have to read it, maybe he’ll be ready for some fun. At the very least, he’ll have some swats to get his motor running.