Forever Young

The one constant in life is change. Reading personal/sexual blogs illustrates this point. Some bloggers start out talking about their real-life activities; chastity devices, spanking, etc. Over time, things change. Some blogs go from journaling to sexual fiction. Others chronicle 180-degree changes: bottom to top, top to bottom, straight to bi, etc. The most important change is rarely documented: more to less.

Entropy applies to sex as it does to everything else in the universe. As we age, our appetites change, and heat cools. The problem is that our minds don’t cool at the same rate as our bodies. This is what makes old men chase young women. In their minds, the seniors are still twenty or thirty years old. The shape of a desirable woman doesn’t age in our male minds.

I’m writing from my male perspective. Women seem to be realists. They understand where they are in the spectrum of desirability. They may not like it, but they know. We men are much less likely to see ourselves realistically. Maybe that’s why Mrs. Lion, like many wives, describes me as her oldest kid.

Retaining perpetual youth, at least mentally, is a good thing in most ways. My sense of wonder hasn’t dimmed. I still love to discover and try new things. I’m always disappointed when I discover that my body doesn’t do what I want. I don’t seem to have a sense of my place on the timeline of my life. I’m sure death will surprise me one day.

Very often, good things have bad sides. For example, the genes that protect against Malaria also cause sickle cell anemia. Natural selection favors disease resistance. If the mutation also causes a deadly disease in a small percentage of the people with the protection, nature counts the mutation as a winner.

I’m not claiming that age blindness is a genetic mutation; it could be. While it has a lot of benefits to people who have it, there are also downsides. Optimism is one benefit. Another is the energy to keep learning and evolving. A big downside is the inability to adjust expectations to match the realities of getting older. Guys with this issue try to date twenty-year-olds when they are 75.

The good news for me is that I optimistically embark on new ventures. I’ve had several different careers in my life that ranged from show business to program management. Currently, I’m trying to become a novelist. Since I haven’t had an English course since high school, I may be delusional to imagine that I have the skill to write something people will want to read.

I know that I can write hot porn. That is hardly a test of writing skills. I want to make a reader see a movie in their (hate using the plural to avoid gender assignment) mind, identify with the protagonist, feel real emotion. That’s hard to do. Getting men hard and women wet with sexual description is easy.

Maybe it’s arrogance for me to believe I can succeed in something just because I decide to do it. It’s the way I’m wired. It’s the only way I can function. So far, over 20 agents disagree that I can be a successful author. Oh well. Someone will give me a chance. Right?

When it comes to sex, my disposition can make things hard on poor Mrs. Lion. Even if it takes me a couple of days to recharge between orgasms, I’m still a young stud in my head. I still want sex even when I can’t perform. It would be much easier on my lioness if I didn’t have the genetic disposition to believe I could do anything I set my mind to. We all have to balance the good and bad when considering our choices.

She picked me. I hope she realized who I am when she did. I worry that the good I offer her outweighs the trouble to keep me. It takes time and energy for lion maintenance. My lioness is good-natured. She’s learned to be an effective disciplinarian. That’s not her nature. It’s something needed to make me happy. All the one-way sex is another cost of maintaining me. I’m grateful she is so willing to do it for me.

It’s not a free ride for me. I may be young inside, but I’m not selfish. It’s painful to consider that I can’t give back what she gives me. I worry that sooner or later, she will realize how little she gets in return for all that work. I’m smart enough to understand that love is much more than weighing transactions. Even if I can’t see it, something must make being with me worthwhile. At least, I hope there is.

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