In her post yesterday, “Turn to Page 48“, Mrs. Lion wrote about our lack of physical communication. I’ve been feeling it as well. We face some challenges. There are two important issues: Mrs. Lion doesn’t want sex, and I have limited ability to move. The first one causes me the most trouble. I admit it. I’ve never been any good at initiating, but I was good at responding.
The way I have always responded to sexual stimulation is to reciprocate. That’s difficult when my mate doesn’t want sex. Mrs. Lion mentioned that I could react in other ways. I will try to make more noise. I’ve always been very quiet until when I started to come. I’ll work on being more expressive. I can’t initiate if I have nothing to initiate. For some reason, I can’t seem to communicate that to my lioness. If there is something I can do, she needs to tell me.
The second issue gets in our way. I am not as flexible as I was before my spinal surgery. I have limited use of my arms. Mrs. Lion has gained some weight, and it is difficult for her to roll on her side to snuggle. The combination of these issues makes intimacy very difficult. In the old days, she would lie on her side with her head on my chest. My left arm would be under her and my right touching her. She would use her free hand to play with my penis.
I can barely get my left arm under her. It isn’t her fault. I tore that rotator cuff, and it gets very painful to extend my arm under her for long. My right arm also has limited ability. I would very much like to find a way to pet her actively. I would also love to be able to arouse her.
The way I see it, there is no way for me to start sexual activity. How do I initiate one-way sex for myself? Do I start masturbating? Do I beg for sex? No, I can’t do that. What can I do? I didn’t start the football game on Monday because I figured Mrs. Lion would want to do sexual stuff first. I knew that it would be over two hours before the next window for sex once we started watching.
I’m starting to think that there is no workable solution for sex when only one of us wants it. No matter how you look at it, any approach we make is going to feel unnatural. As I’ve written many times before, there is a critical gap. I want sex for me. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want it for her. If she also wants it, she would have a hormonal alarm clock that would incentivize sexual activity. Without it, there is no incentive.
Worse yet, the most obvious way I could ask for sex is gone. Even though initiating sex is almost impossible for me, I could still make some moves that I wanted sex. I could turn her on by petting her. I’ve tried that a bunch of times. Mrs. Lion doesn’t react. Why should she? She doesn’t want sex. I figured that if I did it anyway, maybe that would signal my desire for attention. I’m not crazy about signaling interest.
Aside from my problems with getting things started–I find if my partner makes the first move–I feel very guilty about burdening Mrs. Lion with the chore of giving me sex. I feel dependent. I’m not her partner. I’m her sexual charity. BDSM and sex are only fun when both people are having a good time. I’ve spent years suggesting BDSM activities that Mrs. Lion might enjoy. So far, the best review I have gotten for my effort when I ask if something is fun is, “It’s OK.”
I know she likes catching me breaking a rule. Mrs. Lion loves games. Unfortunately, she isn’t inclined to make new rules. There’s almost nothing she can catch me doing. Apparently, Spankardy isn’t fun for her. I figured that if I could help her find sexual activities that are fun for her, she would want to do them, and sex for me would go from a chore to fun.
It’s clear I’ve failed. Maybe we need to reconsider what we do.