I was punished on Sunday night for failing to set up the coffeepot. I received, for Mrs. Lion, a mild spanking. Don’t get me wrong, it hurt like hell and left me with a red bottom and a few bruises. I was grateful it wasn’t worse. I dreaded my punishment. The offense occurred on Saturday. I was very careful to be sure to not repeat the mistake on Sunday. Mrs. Lion noticed this and teased me that I mustn’t want another punishment. She was right.
After she finished and took a picture for us to post, I felt oddly happy. It’s tough to admit, but I need to feel her authority. This need is different from the combination of sexual arousal and desire for control that got us started. It’s deeper. It seems to me that our disciplinary relationship has matured to the point that we both need it. Mrs. Lion clearly enjoyed catching me breaking a rule. While she doesn’t get any particular pleasure out of punishing me, she clearly sees it as a necessary activity.
You may have noticed that I am referring to my spanking as being punished. This is intentional. Mrs. Lion almost never refers to spanking me unless it is time for her to administer one. It’s always “punishment.” I’ve noticed this for some time. You can see it in her posts. I think this is significant. Spanking is an activity that can be BDSM or disciplinary. I almost always refer to my discipline as “spankings..” I focus on the activity. Mrs. Lion talks about the consequence of my offense: punishment.
It’s a lot easier for me to talk about being spanked than it is to refer to it as punishment. The words are not synonyms. Punishment is retribution by an authority. Spanking is swatting my bottom. I can be aroused thinking about spanking; not so much about being punished.
This isn’t splitting hairs. The physical activity may be the same, but the way it affects us isn’t. Punishment is an expression of her authority. I think that’s why I have resisted using the word when talking about being disciplined. And, I suspect it is why she uses it almost exclusively. I doubt it’s a conscious decision for her. It wasn’t for me. Now that I think about it, I understand.
moving to the next level
It’s been difficult for Mrs. Lion to extend her authority to cover my behavior when I annoy her. It’s one thing to punish me for breaking a rule. It’s another to exercise her authority if I say something that pisses her off. She tends to question whether the reason she is annoyed comes from me or from other external factors. It would be unfair to punish me because she was upset by a bad day at work.
I buy that. I think it is almost always possible to identify other factors beyond my control that upset her. On the other hand, there is no ambiguity at all about whether or not I set up the coffeepot. If I forget, she punishes me. It’s black and white.
If we make a list of things I do that generally annoy her, she can pick two or three to punish. Each can be specifically defined. Obviously, it is much more difficult to do this than the simple set-up-the-coffeepot rule, but I’m sure we can do it. Then it might be easier to enforce with the same consistency as the old rules.
Neither of us can explain why our disciplinary relationship works so well for us. It does and we both agree that when it is in full force we are happier. I think that my habit of referring to punishment as spankings is a way to avoid recognizing Mrs. Lion’s authority. I will stop doing that. It surprises me that such a subtle, semantic difference between spanking and punishment can make such a big difference to me. Even now, though I realize it, I find it a little difficult to say that I was punished. I would much rather say I was spanked.