A lot of people talk about topping from the bottom. This seems to mean that when a bottom tries to get a top to do something to him, he is attempting to top from the bottom. A more general definition is that when someone tops from the bottom, he is trying to control the top/bottom activity as though he were the top.
I have a problem with this concept. A power exchange is a two-way, consensual process. Mrs. Lion is in charge in ours. That doesn’t mean that my role is to be a passive sponge that soaks up her topping energy without comment or complaint. By my way of thinking, our exchange is a two way street. First and foremost, I accept her authority and am obedient and accepting of anything she wishes me to do or she wants to do to me. That’s the essence of our exchange.
That doesn’t mean I only do what she tells me. I also actively participate in my own domination. I think of things that might be exciting for me and useful for her. I let her know what they are. I also will research whatever I have thought about and try to facilitate her trying it. Is that topping from the bottom? A bunch of our readers think so.
I don’t think it is. I may be trying, sometimes too hard, to sell her on what I want to try, but I don’t manipulate her or try to find a sneaky way to get her to do what I want. That’s topping from the bottom. As I see it, my job is not only to obey but also to contribute to our power exchange. Of course, if my contribution isn’t welcome, Mrs. Lion will tell me so and that is the end of that.
Fortunately for me, Mrs. Lion is generally willing to try what I come up with. More often than not, this activity becomes something we do on a somewhat regular basis. Very often I regret making the suggestion. I don’t regret that she has added my idea to her repertoire, I find I don’t like experiencing my bright idea. Of course, in most cases the suggestion I made is for something I won’t like but I think will help me be a better bottom.
Because I have a lot of experience as a top, I spend time thinking about what Mrs. Lion might do that would improve her control of me. I’m an active participant in my own taming. That isn’t topping from the bottom. I never objected to a bottom giving me new ideas to torture her. The more insight the top has into how the bottom’s mind works, the more effective she can be dominating him.
Mrs. Lion knows all this and accepts my headlong rush into new ideas. She also knows how to yank my leash and stop me when she doesn’t want to go where I am pulling. That’s what the metaphorical leash is for: giving me some room to explore while ultimately allowing her to yank me back when she wishes.
The key to identifying topping from the bottom is seeing the bottom trying to manipulate the top into doing or not doing something. A direct request or objection is not topping from the bottom. That’s just good communication. I want Mrs. Lion to stay in firm control. My suggestions are intended to help her control me. She has plenty of ways to stop me if I try to run off in a direction she doesn’t like. That’s because she’s the top and I’m the bottom.
I ask permission to make suggestions or even to ask a question. Failure to do so is against our rules and subject to 40 smacks/zapps. Sometimes she allows the question/suggestion. Sometimes not. Regardless she then chooses to adapt or reject my idea. I think most men in our position will do the same. If I were topping from below, many things would be different. But I’m not.