I’ve been thinking about hurdles we faced when adding enforced chastity to our marriage. The most significant one I faced was accepting that Mrs. Lion isn’t going to ever take it as seriously as I do. That doesn’t mean she is not doing her job or isn’t sensitive to how I feel. It means that to her and pretty much any outside observer, locking up a man’s penis and restricting his ability to ejaculate is going to appear to be a kinky game.

When we first started out, I thought I was giving a giant gift of control to my lioness. After all, she was in full charge of my favorite thing in the world: sex. I thought she would have the power to, let’s face it, blackmail me into doing whatever she wants by withholding my orgasms.

There’s so much wrong with this idea it’s hard to know where to start. At the root of it, I believed that control over my ejaculation would turn me into a submissive male willing to do anything for a chance to get off. After all, that’s what all the stuff I read on the Web said I would become. OK, it’s true that I really like sex. There are times I feel like I would do anything to come. No, not really.

The mythology goes on to say that the longer I am prevented from ejaculating, the more desperate I will get and as a result, the more abjectly submissive. Nope, it doesn’t work that way at all. After a while, in my case a couple of weeks or so of enforced chastity, I start losing interest in sex. This is as nature intended. It isn’t a good use of my energy to want to get off when there is no real opportunity available. It’s a hot fantasy to believe I could be driven mad by the need to squirt. That’s all it is, fantasy.

One aspect of the mythology has some roots in the truth. If a guy is locked up and his partner wants him to get her off, he will learn to provide sexual release for her with no hope of an orgasm for himself. I doubt that many guys who want their dicks locked up are selfish lovers. I’ll bet that they would happily get their partners off without needing reciprocation. I know I feel that way; always have. Every. sexual partner I’ve had was also willing to provide me with orgasms without reciprocation. So, having a chastity device locked on my penis didn’t change my willingness to provide unreciprocated sex, but it did change something: It made it more fun.

I could imagine that I was orally pleasing my partner because I had to if there was to be any hope that I would be unlocked and allowed to ejaculate myself. Of course, that wasn’t true. Mrs. Lion, for one, never connected my willingness to get her off with unlocking me. Still, it was fun to imagine.

Nowadays, I am not locked in a chastity device. That state can change at any moment. My cage is on my dresser, ready to go on at Mrs. Lion’s command. But locked or not, nothing changes in terms of our sexual power exchange. Mrs. Lion is perfectly happy making me wait as long as she wants. She isn’t influenced by my whining about being horny. She likes teasing me; bringing me to the edge of orgasm over and over. Then, just like when I had to go back in my cage, she stops and says, “Not tonight.”

I’m frustrated with my erection waving in the breeze. But, cage or no cage, there’s no more stimulation. I’m not allowed to finish myself off. Any attempt would get me severely punished and locked up again. Mrs.Lion considers masturbating as a form of cheating. It may not be quite as serious as having an affair, but she’s made it clear, it’s close.

The bottom line is that male chastity is a consensual, shared kink. I want it because it turns me on. Mrs. Lion does it because she knows it makes me happy in a perverse way that she doesn’t entirely understand. It doesn’t matter.