Because I Was Curious

Apparently, my vacation from diaper play is about to end. In her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion referred to a recent diaper acquisition I made. Actually, the diapers were offered to me for free. I asked Mrs. Lion if she had any interest and she said she certainly did. So, two cases (one daytime and one overnight) of adult pull-on’s are arriving Friday. It’s not that we don’t have a big supply. Over the years, I’ve purchased different kinds. I did it for the same reason I do many things: curiosity.

Curiosity may not kill this big cat, but it certainly has long-lasting side effects. I introduced the idea of diapers years ago. I was curious to learn what it would be like to wear one. I’ve learned! Boy, have I learned. The same is true of virtually all the uncomfortable activities that are now in the fabric of our marriage.

I just can’t help myself.

In her post, Mrs. Lion worried about me wearing a diaper under my clothes in public. She is concerned that a leak could be visible. Years ago, she had me wear one when we went shopping for an evening. I even had to use it. No leak. I also have those rubberized underpants designed to prevent any public problems. I was curious what it would be like to wear that over a diaper. For the record, it works keeping leaks in. It’s a little hotter than wearing the diaper on its own.

You might think that owning all this equipment is a strong indication that I want to be put into diapers; that it’s yet another fetish I have. Actually it isn’t. Somewhere in my BDSM past when bottoming to a girlfriend, she suggested diapers. Her reasoning was that they add to my feeling of helplessness, and her feeling of control. It also made it possible for her to keep me tethered for long periods without worry that I will need to use a toilet. She was right on both counts.

I don’t feel like a baby when Mrs. Lion makes me wear diapers. My feeling is more primal than that. I feel controlled, and after a few hours, sorry I suggested it. I would never choose to have to pee myself and walk around with a wet diaper. With the high-capacity diapers, I’m often required to walk around with two pees in my diaper. I get to change it only when I am ready to pee again. That way, the fresh diaper is always wet with at least one pee.

Given the technology in the incontinence business, I don’t really feel soaking wet. The diaper keeps most of the moisture away. Similarly, there is no strong smell. There’s a little, just enough for me to be aware of what’s happening. The most pronounced sensation is the weight of all that liquid. A full diaper is heavy. It tends to try to droop down and it looks very bulky. This is humiliating when all I get to wear is that heavy diaper.

I have some pull-on’s (Depends) that don’t have the capacity of the ones that look like big, baby diapers.They look and fit like regular briefs. I can wear them under my jeans without them being noticeable. When wet, they add a little bulk to my lower crotch. That’s not very noticeable to a casual passersby. The big problem for me with public diaper-wearing is when I need to change one. That requires a stall in a public men’s room, undressing, changing, dressing, and then trying to discreetly dispose of the full diaper.

It seems to me that the diaper experience is a combination of private humiliation and some physical discomfort walking around with a few pounds of gelled urine. The helpless feeling starts to cut in after a day of continuous diaper wear. It’s one kink that gets old fast. It doesn’t matter. Those wet diapers remain on me until my sentence is up. If they go on Friday after work, I’m tired of them by Saturday afternoon. But weekend diaper wearing goes on until I am ready to leave for work on Monday. I may or may not be allowed to shower over the weekend. If Mrs. Lion wants to tease me, she will let me wash. Otherwise, the sticky, smelly state I’m in is part of the fun for her.

Lioness 1.0 would let me sleep without a diaper. They do feel warm and have the possibility of interfering with my sleep. I’m not sure Lioness 2.0 cares about that and may want me to get the full 24-hours-a-day experience. I guess if I am tired enough I will sleep; wet diaper or not. That’s what the overnights are for, after all.