Mrs. Lion and I tend to write about similar things. We don’t plan it. It just happens.  In Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday, she wrote about my ambivalence at being in a chastity device. She’s right. My attitude toward it isn’t like most of what I read in chastity blogs. Even though I am in my fifth year wearing it, I still want to ejaculate and take absolutely no pride in how long I have to wait. Many guys write proudly that their cages haven’t been off in many months and that they have no desire to ejaculate.

That’s certainly a valid point of view. I can understand it. But it’s not me. The excitement of having something locked over my penis went away years ago. Sometimes, I do get a little hot thinking about being in the device. After all, I love bondage. But fascination with my chaste state is largely gone. That sounds like I am pretty much done with enforced chastity. I’m not. It’s not up to me.

One thing that Mrs. Lion’s post mentioned was my wish that she want me to be caged. Even though she discussed this, she never said that was something she wants. She said that keeping me locked up does do something positive for our relationship. She’s right; it does. She’s also right that neither of us understands exactly what that is. But she never said it gave her any pleasure to take sexual control of me. In fact, the concept of control only got a brief mention in terms of the cage assuring that only she could masturbate me. I can’t do it myself.

That’s very different than sexual control. I suppose it is a form of sexual ownership, at least ejaculation ownership. But it isn’t classic dominance. I know that isn’t something Mrs. Lion particularly wants. It isn’t her. But then liking me locked up isn’t the same as being dominant. It could be acknowledgment of the almost-funny predicament I got myself into. It could be fun to see that even after years, it still causes me some pain and difficulty.  It could be enjoyment of the game she plays by edging me over and over and then locking me back up; the challenge to see how much desire she can create and leave unsatisfied.

Her view, as she writes it, is that the chastity device is something I want, or possibly need. That it’s something that has a nearly magical power to bring us closer together. It’s almost a talisman that brings marital harmony. She wants me to wear it, even at those times it’s the last thing I want. She writes that she wants it because it works for both of us. These are very solid, positive reasons. They easily justify a lifetime of enforced chastity. But the missing reason, that she likes my penis locked up, is obviously missing.

You may wonder why I care? Why does she have to enjoy seeing my penis in its little cage? After all, the only thing that counts is that she wants me securely trapped. Further, she is willing to ignore any desire I have to get out. Isn’t that the optimum definition of how a keyholder should feel? I agree. It’s perfect.

My wish for her to enjoy my predicament is trivial. It has no effect on the fact that I am locked up and that Mrs. Lion is committed to keeping me that way. I understand it. It’s not up to me to decide how she has to feel about what she is doing. Obviously, she feels good about it. She likes the way it works for us. Being amused at this would tickle my interest in humiliation, but it has absolutely no relevance to what we are doing.

See? I get it, sweetie.


  1. Author

    Weeks away from our 1 year mark as a couple practicing male chastity/flr/dd lifestyle….. We both agree it has brought us closer than ever. She likes me in my cage and I like being in it. I would not change anything….. She has come quite far in her power over my orgasms and my discipline too….. Spankings have taken on a more serious tone. Addressing things with very knee buckling swats that cease when she feels I’ve had enough to get the message…. Publicly she has made some comments around people when we are out that get a questioning look. A suggestion about her power over me and my desire to please her. Or else…. We do like that we can go to your blog and feel we aren’t alone in this lifestyle.

  2. Author

    There aren’t too many couples like ours. I’m sure of that. What’s valuable to me is the chance to talk with others who share FLRD. Our power exchange grew slowly (and is still growing — a bit more rapidly now) over years. Discipline is still a challenge for Mrs. Lion, though her spankings are painful enough to send a message to me.

    I expect they will be longer and harder going forward. She has recently upped the intensity of everything she does with me.

    Good luck, and happy anniversary!

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