(Continued from my post yesterday, “Reality Check“)
When I reflected on my reality, I realized that some of the things I write have a subtext that isn’t exactly clear. It isn’t that I was trying to fool you or Mrs. Lion. I didn’t realize what my message was. For example:
I think that my spankings should be longer and more severe.
I’ve said this many times. I was frequently accused of topping from the bottom. I wasn’t. My suggestion didn’t come from a need to control punishments. Actually, when I wrote this sort of thing, I was reacting to the fact that I felt sexual about my most recent spanking.
By writing that I wanted longer and more severe spankings, I was expressing my sexual response to the spanking. It felt hot imagining Mrs. Lion more severely spanking me. In my mind, the previous punishment was more of a scene than discipline. I wanted more.
Clearly, this isn’t the optimum reaction to punishment. I’m supposed to regret my act and Mrs. Lion’s retribution, not get aroused remembering it. So, this sort of statement is actually a statement that I enjoyed the punishment I received.
Further evidence of this is that there are punishments I almost never mention. I don’t talk about needing more corner time, mouth soaping, or time sitting on the punishment stool. The reason is that I truly hate these things. They are real punishments to me. I don’t want to remind Mrs. Lion she needs to do them more often.
I do mention things we do for play. Things like wearing panties or diapers, anal play, hot sauce on my balls. Those are all unpleasant when I am receiving them, but they are also arousing before and after. I want Mrs. Lion to do these things to me.
The same is true of spanking. I like being spanked. I hate it when it happens, but it arouses me when I think about it. However, when a spanking rises to a certain level, it is pure pain and I don’t get aroused thinking about it. I think about what I did to deserve it and work hard to avoid earning another.
The line between an arousing spanking and punishment is fairly broad. Squirming, screaming, and begging that the spanking stop are sure signs I am moving out of the arousing area. Bruises and long-lasting pain are other indications. Of course, adding a “punishment desert” or two afterward (corner time, soaping, punishment stool, etc.) send a much stronger message.
And no, this is not topping from the bottom.
Even though many of the punishment spankings I’ve received in recent days had no “desert” and were fairly mild, they seem to have worked. I can’t explain that. Of course, the offenses are minor — eating first or spilling on my shirt—- the light spankings seem to keep me focused on avoiding them. It doesn’t appear to work for interrupting.
By writing this post I am exposing something I hesitate to confess. Unlike my “coded” posts, this one is my honest assessment of what I feel is behind prior discussions of asking for more severe spanking. I’m also validating that below a certain level, punishment spankings have a strongly erotic effect on me.
It’s up to Mrs. Lion to decide how she wants to use this information.