The welcome mat is an evil, evil thing. Lion felt it for hours after he sat on it. He insists I still didn’t spank him long or hard enough for a punishment spanking. I continue to ask him who it is that decides what is long or hard enough. He says it’s me, but then insists again that I’m failing. Of course, he doesn’t say I’m failing. But if I’m not living up to whatever expectations, then aren’t I failing?
Lion regularly gets a case of the “shoulds”. I should do this. I should do that. I should do this this way or that that way. I usually ask him who should be determining what I should be doing. He says it’s up to me to decide. Uh huh. See the first paragraph. Rinse and repeat.
Last night was our first try at his sitting on the welcome mat. I didn’t tie his balls so they’d be sure to hit the flap. I didn’t make him sit on it for very long. It was an experiment. How evil would it be? Up until last night we didn’t know. When I saw how red his thighs were from the five minutes or so he was sitting on it, I said maybe we shouldn’t use it right now since his allergies have been bothering him. I didn’t want to do anything that would aggravate his already itchy, red skin.
Lion said I shouldn’t worry. And when he said yellow I shouldn’t have backed off so far with the swats. I shouldn’t feel bad. (Lion also regularly gets a case of the “shouldn’ts”.) Again, I asked him who determines how hard I hit, when I hit hard and how long I hit hard. You guessed it. He said I do. Uh huh. Clearly.
From my point of view, all the shoulds and shouldn’ts do is make me feel like I’m not doing what he thinks I should be doing. Even though he insists it’s me who determines what I should be doing. And I bet you’re thinking, “You should punish him for that.” Should I? Or should I determine what I should do?
Lion wants you to do it his way. Don’t put up with that. Take control. There is a time for discussion but once that is over them it’s time for business. Find a way to silence him. And punish him extra for topping. Just thinking out loud. RAY
Agreed with Raymond’s comment above! Next time he tells you what you “should” do…park his butt on that punishment stool straight away, with a bar of soap in his mouth. After 30 minutes on the stool, a hard paddling on his butt that is all prickly from sitting on the punishment stool might make him re-think his position. When I was “should’ing” my Daddy one night, he placed the bit in my mouth for an hour to remind me to watch my smart mouth.
But, as to your last question…it should absolutely be you who determines what should happen to a naughty Lion… just brainstorming ideas 🙂
I have a different cure for topping from the bottom. A grounding. NO kink for a week, and then we’ll try again.
Was I topping from the bottom? I don’t think so.
Well, it’s occurring outside of the punishment itself, so could be classified as “feedback”. On the other hand, overuse and premature use of yellow could classify as tfb as well. The spirit of yellow needs to be a real stretch (imagine you are tied down and unable to do a thing about it – could you bear it?). However the feedback you are giving seems to have the same effect on Mrs. Lion as the classic topping from the bottom, so you need to be careful about that. Perhaps well thought out feedback in a personal letter form might be better received, where you combine lots of genuinely felt positive feedback with areas where you might request changes?
I don’t think I overuse “Yellow”. I rarely call it. I only do when I know that I will start to turn over and try to stop the action. Maybe I should wait longer. I could certainly use your advice about that.
Clearly my feedback isn’t working the way I want. Perhaps you are right; I should just put it in writing. There is so much positive feedback for her. I try to do it verbally. I don’t think she believes me. We truly need to work this out. I want her to know how grateful I am for her. She is an amazing disciplinary wife. I also think that she expects not to be heard. If she believes that is the case, she has a perfect way to assure she has my attention.
Julie, a review of the posts show a pattern of Lion topping from the bottom. It has only been recently that Mrs. Lion has started to be aware of Lion’s attempt to sabotage the FLR as he wants to be in charge. I agree a punishment is warranted.
You might be overstating things with the word “sabotage”, but I read it as toungue in cheek: a fun comment, though it could be easily misconstrued. The Lion’s have their own unique brand of FLR that they are sorting out how to make work. I think we all really respect that!
Thanks, Julie! I was torn between deleting that comment or growling at this person. I didn’t think it was tongue-in-cheek. I took it as an Internet wannabe chiming in with typical hyperbole. I finally figured I would take the high road and just let it stand. You are right. We are working out our own brand of FLR. In the process we are finding and fixing communication problems. It’s frustrating, hard work. But ultimately worth it.
I love that you are actively involved and your feedback is very helpful to us both.
My real issue is when Lion says something and then I acknowledge it and he repeats it and I acknowledge it and he repeats it. That’s what happened with his sore spot and the welcome mat. I didn’t stop whomping him because he was bleeding. I was done whomping him. I knew he could take more. He can take way more than I can physically give him. He can take way more than I have the patience to give him. I pointed out his very red butt from the welcome mat and wondered if he was breaking out. He said he wasn’t. I said ok. A little while later he said I shouldn’t stop making him sit on the welcome mat. I said ok. Then I start to wonder if he’s disappointed. To “cure” me, I’ve decided I need to do more to communicate with Lion to figure out if he’s disappointed or not.
I don’t think Lion was topping from the bottom. Ironically, I got a lot more “shoulds” from the comments.
I think lioness is coming into her 2.0 like a boss and lion is about to get a dose worthy of all his should and shouldn’t. I am looking forward to the upcoming posts
A strong, possibly painful reaction would be way better than silence.
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