Monday night was full of surprises. Mrs. Lion had scheduled herself for an orgasm. It was also her night to tease me. If you haven’t been following us here, you might wonder why everything appears to be scheduled. Isn’t sex supposed to be spontaneous? Perhaps. But, in our case, we just fell out of our sexual relationship. It’s endlessly documented in previous posts. Our solution is to, at least for the time being, to schedule sexual activity in advance. That way, we assure we will give sex the priority it needs.
Mrs. Lion had several very good orgasms. It was wonderful fun for both of us. I really love to give her orgasms. After she recovered, she teased me. Then, she moved in and began using her mouth. Wow, is that ever great! She kept going even though she knew I was past the point of no return. I had an amazing orgasm too. For me it was an unscheduled “bonus” orgasm. I didn’t see it coming.
As people have pointed out to us, I am having more sex than most men who don’t practice enforced chastity. I am certainly having a lot more sex than I did before I was caged. This may seem to be a paradox. After all, isn’t the point of enforced chastity that the male, me, gets a lot less sex because his penis is locked up?
Simply put, no. Enforced chastity, at least to us, means that I have sex when Mrs. Lion wants me to. She may make me wait a day or a month. The point is that I don’t control it. To us, enforced chastity is about sexual control; Mrs. Lion has it and I don’t. The common fantasies say that once caged, a male rarely gets to come. Instead, all his sexual energy goes to pleasing his keyholder.
As far as I can tell, the only “given” in enforced male chastity is that the male loses the ability to enjoy sexual release on his own. He surrenders control of his penis to his keyholder. Right? I have to admit that in my fantasy that meant I was driven crazy being teased and not being allowed to orgasm for a long (unspecified in my fantasy) time. In real life I admit that I don’t enjoy long waits.
Mrs. Lion loves to make me come. In the past, a lot of feelings got in the way of us providing one another with pleasure. Now that we have those feelings set aside, Mrs. Lion is having a good time giving me orgasms. Needless to say, I am having a good time getting them. This sounds like it could throw enforced chastity out of the window. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.
Let’s assume for the moment that an essential part of enforced chastity is to make the male wait for his release. The common explanation for this requirement is that males lose interest in pleasing their partners once they have an orgasm. If this is true, then keeping a male orgasm-free would make him the ideal, considerate lover. If a guy believes this is true, then he will want to be kept orgasm-free for as long as possible.
I’ve never been that way. I never made that connection. It’s true that for an hour or so after I come, my interest in providing unreciprocated sexual services does go down. But it comes right back. I’ve never associated my release with providing sex for a partner. If I did see it as a trade of sorts, then I would also agree that the longer I am kept wanting, the more interested I would be in providing sexual services to Mrs. Lion.
It so happens that Mrs. Lion is not very interested in sexual attention. Her libido has been in neutral for a while now. At this point her orgasms are more for me than for her. All this adds up to the fact that there is on organic reason Mrs.Lion would withhold orgasms from me. The only reason she has is that I want her to. She is making me happy by providing me with enforced chastity.
What I want is to feel her in sexual control. So, if she is doing all this to please me, she has to somehow figure out just how much to frustrate me so that I feel her control. If I try to “help” her, I am taking back control. Similarly, I like Mrs. Lion to discipline me. If I tell her what kind of things she should enforce, aren’t I back in the saddle?
Since all of these needs are mine and not hers, all of our enforced chastity and discipline activities have no organic origin. Some wives want control and just need to learn the techniques of a female-led relationship. For them, the classic enforced chastity fantasy is a useful training aid. Not so for us. Mrs. Lion absolutely doesn’t want a female-led marriage; nor do I. I don’t have the personality to be submissive in that respect.
I have to admit it appears the cards are stacked against us for enforced chastity. The expected dynamics simply aren’t there: Mrs. Lion isn’t that interested in sex, she doesn’t want to be in charge, and she doesn’t really like to discipline me. I am not submissive by nature. My orgasms have little to no effect on sexual attention I offer, and I like control as much as I like surrendering it.
What a mess! We just don’t fit the stereotype at all. In fact, we are pretty much the opposite of what is expected to work in enforced male chastity. Despite that, I have a strong need to be sexually controlled. Mrs. Lion is not a controlling person. She doesn’t like to be in charge. Well, they do say opposites attract.
What we have going for us is that we are completely in love and we want nothing more than to be together. We disagree at times, but we don’t fight. Each of us realizes that nothing is more important than our love for one another. That’s a lot.
I’ve been locked up for more than a year. There have been times I have been truly desperate for an orgasm. On occasion, Mrs. Lion has made and enforced rules. We have had some success at all this. At this point, my cage has become an important symbol for us. It represents our commitment to sexual love. As such, I am sure it won’t be going away.
My experience as a caged male has its ups and downs. We are both figuring out how I can have the sexual control experience I want and still keep Mrs. Lion happy. So far, she hasn’t found a sweet spot in terms of how long to keep me waiting and how much to discipline me. She hasn’t found a way to actually enjoy all this stuff. For my part, I haven’t discovered exactly how much deprivation I need to feel sexually controlled. I don’t know what activities have the greatest effect on me. Most critical, I don’t know how much input I can provide Mrs. Lion and still feel controlled.
We both agree that we want to continue. It’s clear that neither of us is going to have a cathartic personality change. It’s also clear that we are together for life and that we will find a way to do what it takes to make and keep each other happy.
Maybe we need to be more systematic. Perhaps Mrs. Lion needs to experiment with wait times, discipline, ways I can please her. I do know that I am not the best source of information for her. Information, after all, is power. You might be able to help us. Fantasies aside, considering what you know about us, any thoughts on how we can learn what is going to be best for us?
Perhaps flipping the model a bit – perhaps if you were to make your O’s dependent on hers? She seems to love it when you set aside time, so perhaps she has to have “X” number of orgasms before you’re allowed to. She sets the number (if she averages 3 in an evening, how about 15, for example).
It seems like if you look for the things she enjoys and really draws energy from – it could help. This could be things like she gets to pick the next movie, or dinner location (or lunch). Flowers. Massage. Wine or other favorite beverage. Basically tie activities that she likes to activities that you like.
It’s not to necessarily say you have to dote on her, but that’s not so bad either – and I don’t think you’d mind. She could even give you “o” credits for things that really make her life better, or that she really loves.
One of the hardest things about chastity (for me included) is learning what DualDrew wrote recently. “It’s not about me.” I’m not saying your selfish (Please don’t take any of this that way, I’m just trying to mix things up with perhaps some different ideas, your dynamic is great, you’re talking, you support each other, love each other, want to make each other happy – all great!)
What I am saying is that perhaps rejigging the controls would give you the feeling of power exchange, her the benefit and appreciation for your added surprises and so-on. Might work.
You’re almost at a “is that all there is” spot. But I think it’s NOT all there is. I think you’re just at a “next level” choice – and you have to figure out how you ratchet it up once again and continue to improve things.
I don’t know if this will help, but perhaps there’s an idea or two in there.
Very best to both of you – really enjoy your blog, perspectives and thoughts.
Some guys use chastity in-between their orgasms to make them more intense. If I was a young man again, I would still want a lot of orgasms and back then, a week without an orgasm would seem like chastity to me. Now that I am old, I do not even consider it chastity unless 2-3 weeks without an orgasm has passed. For our purposes we view chastity as a game. I try to get my wife to give me an orgasm and she tries to deny me as long as possible. If she makes me cum, I win and we start again. Over time, she lost all guilt and feeling sorry for me. To make it even easier for her to deny the man she loves, if I beg for an orgasm she will hand me the keys and tell me that if I really want an orgasm I can unlock myself and masturbate but she will not do chastity with me anymore because I am taking her control away from her. It works for us and gradually I got used to less and less orgasms and we are working on finishing this year with no orgasm and then going no more orgasms indefinitely. My wife does not give in anymore so essentially I get to decide if I want to remain in chastity or not and I always choose to forgo my orgasm because I am addicted to the constant feeling of arousal while denied.
I guess you can say we are lifestyle chastity players rather than just playing chastity as part of our regular sex life. No way is right or wrong, just what we each like to do. Very long term chastity works for us because my wife is more into women than men and does not like intercourse as a result. I have erectile problems due to medication and my libido in old age is not what it used to be. Now the long periods between sex, which was just mutual masterbation anyway, are transformed into fun chastity play.
Do whatever works for you and don’t let someone else determine what you do. I would not recommend our way of chastity to any young man. I messages a young single guy yesterday who was looking for a Key Holder. I asked him why he wanted to lock up his penis and be denied orgasms. He said that he had a very high sex drive and wanted to control it. I asked him how many orgasms he had in a week and he replied, one. Chastity for him would be a lot different than for most others. 🙂
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