Self Awareness

It seems that lioness 2.0 is back to stay. She told you about her latest adventures yesterday. There’s no question that even though I dislike a lot of what she does, the stricter lioness is what I need. I’ve been thinking about this. It may seem odd that I want Mrs. Lioness to forcefully exert control doing things I clearly don’t like.

That seems odd, at best. To confuse matters more, many of the other guys who want spanking, humiliation, bondage, etc. get off on it. I remember a scene in a New York club where a guy was getting a brutal paddling. He was erect the entire time. That is classic masochism. It’s easy to comprehend, if not understand, that some people are wired to get aroused by pain. It’s harder for me to understand my situation. I don’t get turned on by pain, but get turned on by the power I feel when I have to accept it.

I’m not talking strictly about pain in the sense of spanking or clothespins on my penis. I’m talking about the fact that I have to accept pain and other things because I have surrendered power. Now that turns me on. It does more than that. Somewhere deep down inside me there is a need to feel that strict control. I may dread it when Mrs. Lion tells me it’s time and selects a paddle, but once the sting fades there is a warmth inside me that makes me feel loved.

It’s not that I don’t feel loved other times. This is different. I can’t really explain how, but it is. Domestic discipline provides me with an inner sense of security and love. I don’t like being punished, but in a deeper sense I must. I never intentionally provoke punishment, but Mrs. Lion knows me well enough to assure that I don’t go too many days without earning a spanking.

What about the diapers, clothespins, and other BDSM stuff? That’s different. I find all that a big turn on. I have to admit it. When Mrs. Lion made me wear diapers on Sunday, I was not happy about peeing on myself, but it was a turn on. When Mrs. Lion masturbated me later on Sunday night, she decided to let me come. She was surprised to see as much semen as I produced after a week of waiting. That’s highly unusual. Generally, when I get a bonus orgasm after only a few days, semen production is weak.

It’s like that great bit on the “Becker” sitcom. A teenage boy sees Dr. Becker worrying about the fact he gets erections at inappropriate times. The boy has a great line. “My mom saw me get an erection when I was doing chores. Now she thinks I like them.” You can see the parallel with the diapers. It’s the same with painful play. I am turned on by it. Well, it turns me on afterward anyway.

I don’t think there is any connection between the domestic discipline and the BDSM play; at least not an obvious one. Yes, they both involve discomfort I don’t necessarlily welcome. My reaction to domestic discipline is very different from how I react to the BDSM play. When I think about the BDSM activities, I am aroused. That sort of power exchange turns me on.

However, when I think about domestic discipline and, for that matter, enforced chastity, it’s different. Both provide me with an inner warmth; a sense of being loved on a different level. That feeling increases when Mrs. Lion is stricter and more consistent. I’m sure there is a point where I would just feel put upon. We haven’t gotten close to that yet.

It may be time to go back into the Jail Bird. It’s clear that it isn’t needed for orgasm control. The only physical difference between being in or out of the Jail Bird is that I get periodic erections that are suppressed by the chastity device when it is on. On the other hand, not being caged makes things a lot easier. I don’t have any problems peeing at work and elsewhere. I don’t feel less controlled without it.

Of course, like everything else, it isn’t up to me to decide. It goes on if Mrs. Lion wants it on. It stays off because that is what she wants. Simple and satisfying.

1 Comment

  1. Author

    It does sound as if Lioness 2.0 is now the default – this seems like a classic example of “Be careful what you ask for”…

    Although my wife and I aren’t travelling down the path of domestic discipline, or even a female-led relationship, I have asked her for my chastity to be a more-or-less constant part of our lives, and mentioned that it definitely gives me a bit of a thrill when she tells me that she won’t unlock me. I really do look forward to those orgasms now!

    This morning she upped her game a bit: She took The Key off her necklace, and said “it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”. I told her that I figured I’d just go down on her, since she’s not much of a morning sex person, and she responded the “we can do that first”. This isn’t unusual before intercourse, since it gets her juices flowing so to speak, so I did (which I love anyway), and she had a very nice orgasm – one of those ones that sneaks up out of nowhere.

    Usually, after I give her head in the morning, she like to curl up on my shoulder and nap for a few minutes, and this morning was the same. What was different, though, is that she then told me that she just wanted to drift off for a while, and that she wasn’t really horny any more – “maybe we’ll have sex some other time.” !!!

    Well, it looks like I’m getting what I asked for, too.

What do you think?