Yesterday, we got a very interesting comment from Jane, a new reader. She publishes an interesting Tumblr blog. She and husband practice enforced chastity. Part of her comment mentioned a practice that she uses to give him a “chance” to have sex. In her words:
“…we have a ‘ten second rule’ for him playing with me to see if I get switched on into doing more. But also I’m starting to love the fact I really can just roll over and say ‘not tonight dear’ and leave him horny and frustrated, and he LIKES that (in moderation, but still, it’s turned a negative into a positive,which is fab!)”
A ten-second rule; what an interesting idea. Ten seconds isn’t very long to get a woman interested, but it is better than no chance at all. I’m not sure this would work for us, though. Mrs. Lion’s libido hasn’t returned. However, only a short “try” might not be too annoying and might serve as a wake-up call to her sleeping libido. Mrs. Lion and I notwithstanding, I think this is a brilliant idea. In one sense it is a chastity “game”. He has a chance, albeit a small one, to have his way. On off nights, she gets an opportunity to exercise her power and roll over. It’s a sexual win-win.
This is another example of a sexual communication that brings a couple closer. It’s also a very positive use of the sexual surrender we caged males offer. Underlying the chastity theme, this practice is a great example of non-verbal communication. Permission is given to try to sexually stimulate the keyholder. If she doesn’t find this short opportunity sufficiently stimulating, sexual activity is over for the night. He has a choice. He can try turning her on or not. He knows that he has to get her interested enough to continue or he goes unsatisfied.
In a very real sense this is a mating dance that many animal species perform. The male has to strut his stuff and hope he impresses a female enough to have her allow him to mount her. Without trying to read too much into this, it’s clear that in most species the female has absolute veto rights. I suppose that’s true of humans too. However, in most cases we males use guilt and pouting as well as other negative behavior to “convince” our females to get us off.
I think that this is due to the fact that over the thousands of years of “civilization” we humans have lost the sexual “sense” that serves less complicated critters so well. Enforced chastity restores this primitive and effective power balance. The cages we wear make “No.” a very easy and practical answer for our partners. More importantly, we have to accept this response with grace. In fact, we become conditioned to actually enjoy this rejection. If anything, it stimulates us to try harder the next time.
Ten seconds is a very short time. Sexual desire is a very good teacher. Need is the best motivator in the world.