High Maintenance Lion

Every so often we get a comment that has me scratching my head. One of these came in yesterday from someone who calls themselves Angel Snow:

Personally, I find Lion so high maintenance it borders on disturbing. I admire Mrs. Lion’s patience and stamina. I send all my wannabee domme friends here so they can read what it is like to serve a man in the way that Mrs. Lion does.

As always, this blog speaks with candor that is rare. D/s is not glamorous or salacious. It is a job.”

Normally I would just pass this kind of comment by. It appears to make a very big and erroneous assumption: that what we write about constitutes a large part of our lives. Of course, our power exchanges are important to us but they represent a relatively tiny piece of our time together. Another assumption is that because I write a post looking at different ways Mrs. Lion might “service” me, I am demonstrating how demanding I am.

Right now, I am pretty high maintenance; not the way the commenter thinks. Mrs. Lion has to put in considerable effort helping me get through the day-to-day activities I would normally do myself. This is due to surgery I had in March and the extremely difficult recovery I’m having from it. It is nothing whatsoever to do with sex or dominance.

Mrs. Lion certainly has a lot of patience. She also has a strong sense of commitment. We both do. We’ve been working on our peculiar brand of D/S for quite a few years. On the sexual side, I am the sole beneficiary. This isn’t because I’m sexually selfish. I don’t think I ever have been. It’s because Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex for herself some time ago.

This really skews the D/S storyline considerably. I’m sure the commenter and some of our other readers believe that the principal way a “submissive” man demonstrates his role is through sexual service for his “mistress”. In my many years of real life experience, I haven’t seen that in the real world. There’s a very good reason for this: Any guy in a sexual relationship, D/S or not, should be happy to do anything sexual that would please his partner. Similarly, she should feel the same way about him.

The fact that a lot of relationships don’t work that way is a problem for those relationships. Prior to the Internet being some sort of standard for D/S relationships (saying that sarcastically), every couple I knew in either a female-dominant or male-dominant relationship, spent 99+ percent of their time in a very mundane, vanilla relationship.

Anything relating to the level of maintenance I require, I can assure you has nothing whatsoever to do with our power exchange. So, if what I require of my wife is high maintenance attention, disturbing or not, it would be the same with or without the power exchange.

I’m happy you refer people to our blog to read about our lives. I’m also happy you enjoy reading as well.

There is one area in which we agree: D/S is a job and it isn’t glamorous or salacious. I spent decades as a top, one of those decades as a 24/7 master. It’s hard work. The payoff better not be sex. If it is, all that energy is being wasted on the wrong person. Mrs. Lion and I are in love. We don’t count what we do for one another as tit-for-tat exchanges.

We frequently talk about our love. We are in complete agreement that the luckiest thing that ever happened to either of us was when we met. She is the love of my life.



  1. Thank you SO much for this thoughtful post. I handle literally hundreds of men who BEG to be dominated. It is incredibly refreshing to read this post as your response legitimizes my perspective.

    Professional Dommes of merit and substantial experience and skill are available for random D/s entertainment. If a man wants to be dominated without a commitment like Mr. and Mrs. Lion share, he needs to pay for it.

    Thanks again for bringing this important topic to the table. I have been a fan for months and again, I will send my wannabee submissives and dommes to your fabulous and courageous blog.

    1. Author

      A lot of people who self-identify as submissive really get it wrong. During my topping days, I was talking to a woman who was telling me all the things she wanted me to do as her top. Mind you, this is someone I had never met and had absolutely no interest in as a friend. When she got through with her very long list of energy-sapping things she wanted me to do, I asked her, “What’s in it for me?”

      In a surprised tone, she said, “You get the pleasure of dominating me!”

      I got away from her as quickly as I could. I’m sure you run into this sort of thing all the time.

  2. Yes! It is a lot of work. The satisfaction I get is mainly in the pleasing of my husband, and more than that, giving him what he needs, so completing him. Being the sub is like receiving a massage by contrast!

    1. I’ve always said I enjoy making Lion happy. He needs to be spanked and to feel my control and I can do that for him. Win-win.

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