As Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday, I got an orgasm. I had absolutely no idea she would do that. Of course, that’s the way she likes it. My post last week about punishment created considerable discussion. One of the points raised in the comments is that disciplining a grown man is uncomfortable, at least in the beginning. I know that was true for us as well. However, long before she became 2.0, Mrs. Lion had largely gotten over that hurdle.
Being a grown man who is disciplined requires considerable changes too, as I’ve discovered. Spanking has always been part of my erotic fantasies. I imagined that disciplinary spanking would be erotic spanking on steroids. It isn’t. It hurts and is humiliating. Since I am not submissive by nature, I find myself getting angry when the spankings start hurting too much. Of course I don’t act on that feeling, but the very fact that I don’t acts to further amplify my lack of control.
I can hear you saying to yourself, “That’s good! It’s what he needs.”
Well, yes I suppose it is. I wonder if like Mrs. Lion original hesitation to hurt me, these feelings will fade for me and I will just accept the pain as retribution for a wrong I have committed. It’s hard for me to imagine a change like that. But then, I never imagined that I would be locked in a chastity device for the rest of my life.
Reading back over my old posts, I can see that I went from initial excitement to a kind of public acceptance, but underneath a lot of doubt. By the end of the first year, I was feeling confident that we made the right decision. A few months later we began a wider power exchange which we labeled FLR. I wanted this. I’ve given my reasons in the past. I still think it was a good decision.
Like many things in life, the incorporation of punishment has unanticipated consequences for us. Some are pretty major. For one, Mrs. Lion, who is a go-with-the-flow type of lioness, was thrust into a position of authority and expected to make decisions. It’s pretty challenging for her. She’s slowly moving forward in this role and is doing fine. She also had to become a disciplinarian and I had to learn to accept punishment.
I didn’t think this part would be so difficult for me. After all, it was my idea. But just as my lioness is challenged by the need to be in charge, I am struggling with being a follower. We’ve talked about this and our current decision is that we won’t force authority on Mrs. Lion. I will make the decisions I always have; subject, of course, to her approval. She will assume new authority as she sees fit. She can do this by imposing rules or just telling me that I need to ask before whatever she now rules. This is working well so far.
I wonder how long it will take for me to meekly accept my punishment. I know better than to whine or object, but inside my head I am whining loudly. Last night was punishment night. Yesterday morning I thought I was home free. There were no pennies in my bank and it looked like Monday night would not include a painful spanking. Then, Mrs. Lion announced that there were infractions over the weekend that were not duly punished. My bank got some late pennies in it. So, punishment night featured a painful spanking to account for the change in my lion bank. I wasn’t happy when I learned I would be spanked. Not surprisingly, I wasn’t happy about the punishment.
Both enforced chastity and FLR severely compromise my independence. It doesn’t matter that I asked for this. My independence is still taken in key areas of my life. Yes, I know I want this. It doesn’t mean I have to like it all the time. It also doesn’t mean that learning to live in this new space is easy. It isn’t; at least for me. I know, you’re asking, “Then why continue?”
The reason is that we have discovered real value in our power exchange. We both feel that our relationship has improved as a result of these changes. Does that make me feel better about being spanked. Sadly, no; I’m not that mature I guess. Mrs. Lion has made it clear we aren’t going back. I’m hoping that over time I will learn to accept my fate more gracefully. Graceful or not, I will be punished if I don’t do what I am told. I just hope it will become easier to accept.