For me, at least, the idea of a Female led marriage (FLM) is both arousing and confusing. The idea of Mrs. Lion in control is wonderful. Over time she has been moving into this role. The most obvious signs of her taking charge appear here in this blog. Her posts, like yesterday’s, says she does things because she can. Right! Her directions for me often come from the blog, but not verbally or even in email. It seems that the blog is more comfortable way for her to test her wings.
As I mentioned before, Mrs. Lion regularly writes about FLM and about things she plans to do. When she punishes me, her spankings mean business. I am genuinely unhappy about receiving them. Punishment is a very difficult topic for her to handle. Rules and rule enforcement are still fairly inconsistent. The only consistently enforced rule is the one that says I have to remind her of punishment and maintenance spanking days. There are only a few other rules and they are most often not enforced.
The most difficult area for her, I think, is expressing her wishes. I realize that she has spent many years suppressing anything for herself, just asking for something is a difficult task. If anything will cause us to end the FLM experiment, it will be that it just fades out because it is just about me. The enforced chastity is also just about me as well. But we both agree that for now, at least, it works best that way. When Mrs. Lion’s libido returns we can add her sexual pleasure to the mix.
I think there is an inherent unfairness in the FLM fantasy. “Giving” the female partner the “honor” of paying the bills and making all the household decisions may appear to be a transfer of authority to the new head of house. But it is more about giving her work to do. In the FLM fantasy, the male partner assumes all the “menial” tasks like cleaning, laundry, and cooking. I think this is simply wrong. In my view, FLM is not about who does what chores. It’s about who makes decisions both large and small. We have always divided household tasks. I pay the bills, frequently cook, and do the laundry a good part of the time. Mrs. Lion does most of the cleaning (I am very allergic to dust and other household allergens, like our dog and birds). I think we are comfortable with that arrangement.
Some changes have been made. I now ask Mrs. Lion before making any unusual purchase. She has shown more interest in our finances and I have been sharing that information as requested. I’m not looking for that to change unless she would like to make adjustments. What I think we do need to work on is much harder for her than it is for me; I would like her to tell me what to do more often. I’m not looking for a micro manager, but I am looking for more observations, comments, and orders. For example, if I am dressed when I am home, she might observe that and ask me why I am not following my rules. I often wear just a t-shirt around the house. Maybe she could ask me if it is really so cold in the house I need to be wearing the t-shirt. Small things like that make a big impression on me.
It seems that the most difficult change for her is to tell me to do things. I suspect that if she actually started telling me, the most difficult thing for me to do is deal with taking orders. I’m not really submissive. I get that. But I have that itch to surrender control that I need scratched. I am pretty sure it would be very difficult for me to be an obedient puppy….cub. But starting to challenge me that way feels scary and right. Moving forward, my thought is that I need to be challenged more. I would like (at least I think I would like) stricter enforcement of existing and perhaps new rules. I would be very happy to learn more about what Mrs. Lion wants and be told to do her bidding. Steeled Snake wrote an interesting post about a hand signal Charmer uses to shut him up instantly. I suspect there are occasions when Mrs. Lion would like that control. If not that, at least a serious punishment if I annoy her by interrupting.
I’ve tried to be more aware of my role and ask for things instead of just doing what I want. I’m not sure if that is noticed. Maybe it is because I’m not doing it enough. I don’t intend to be critical of Mrs. Lion. I am very happy with whatever she chooses to do. I just want to be sure she is choosing and not just letting inertia to set in. It turns out that both roles in a FLM require heightened awareness and far more action than we are accustomed to taking. Change isn’t easy. It also may not be right for us. The only way we will find out is to do what we did with enforced chastity; dive in and make changes as we go.