Bumpy Ride

I hate roller coasters. Not surprisingly, Lion loves them. I’m not afraid of them. I’ll go on them with him if he wants me to. I just don’t like the ups and downs and sudden turns. I don’t like the roller coaster nature of our existence lately either. And now my mother has jumped on one. She has so many doctors with so many different theories, she goes from death’s door one day to being on the mend the next. Emotionally it’s very draining. Am I making an emergency trip to see her? Am I waiting for the inevitable? Am I going to get good news? It’s worse on my sister. She gets all the calls from all the doctors and, since she lives closer, runs to the hospital every other day hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Today we got good news. She is stable again. We’re hoping for good news on the job front too. Lion should hear later today if a job offer will come through for at least one of his prospects. Fingers crossed.

We didn’t play last night. Lion wasn’t interested. He’s nervous about the jobs. With all the craziness with my mother, I wasn’t really interested either. Tonight we will play. It’s important to keep myself on the every other day schedule at the very least. Whether Lion is horny or not, I will unlock him and give him some attention. I’m still not to the point that I will insist he get hard so I can edge him. Forcing him is not on my agenda. Will it be at some point? Perhaps. I can’t see into the future. It depends on the circumstances. It’s difficult to insist when we’re both under so much stress. On the other hand, we can’t give up altogether. That’s why, no matter what, he will be unlocked and given the opportunity tonight. No pressure. The last thing either of us needs is more pressure.

We’re just playing it by ear. Lion will be wild for our last trip of the season this weekend. When we get home he will be locked safely away again. I haven’t decided if he will get any regular opportunities to be wild as he has this summer. There was a certain necessity for his being wild in the trailer. At home he has no such need. Does that mean he doesn’t deserve a wild weekend now and then? I haven’t decided. Sometimes he sees being wild as a reward and other times he doesn’t like being wild. It’s difficult to know how he will react if I announce that he will be wild for a certain length of time. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.