Saturday night, true to her word, Mrs. Lion tied me to the bed with our travel restraints. She then used her hand and several toys to spank me. It was a fun spanking; not at all like the dreaded punishment swats. She immediately followed the spanking with a slow session of oral sex that ended in a very exciting orgasm. I had a very good time. We then snuggled and watched TV until we fell asleep. My allergies were bothering me and Mrs. Lion had a hard time getting comfortable, so we watched an old episode of Emergency and the start of “The Berkeleys of Broadway”.
Orgasm control and the denial that is part of enforced chastity is puzzling to a lot of people. Even guys who want to practice this are often unsure of the reason. Obviously, there is the masochistic streak that revels in frustration and denial. There is also the more fundamental submissive part of our nature that likes to surrender control. Those two factors are probably the most basic drivers in enforced chastity. Oddly, there is a third that is almost completely opposite of the other two: sexual attention.
Without enforced chastity, the only person interested in the state of your penis is you. People, even kinky people, would find it irrelevant to receive reports about when you last ejaculated. Hard, soft, horny or not just doesn’t come up in conversation. Even inside a marriage, how interested is a wife in hearing the status of her husband’s genitals? Most males, certainly including me, pay a lot of attention to their penises. We spend considerable time thinking about sex and orgasm. Sex colors a great deal of our interests yet almost no one wants to hear about it.
Enter enforced chastity. Now a lot of people are actively interested in your penis. Your keyholder enjoys teasing you and withholding orgasm for days and weeks on end. She is most interested in your penis. She loves to learn you are horny. She laughs when she sees a nascent erection straining against your chastity device. Hordes of people on the Internet delight in your frustration and adventures. At last the rest of the world is giving your penis the attention it deserves.
In our case, before enforced chastity, any reference to my penis and its unfulfilled needs would elicit guilt or annoyance in Mrs. Lion. Our unspoken sexual cease fire was a source of discomfort for both of us. In a vanilla relationship, any male sexual frustration is as likely to elicit upset as it is opportunity. The old I-have-a-headache joke is based in cultural fact. “Not tonight,” is a classic response to male sexual need. Married men continue to masturbate as a way of avoiding these uncomfortable moments.
Sexual power exchange relieves this. If one partner becomes sexually submissive, then an opportunity for sexual dialog is created and any frustration one partner feels is intentional and therefore part of the fun. Enforced chastity certainly does that for me. For one thing, masturbation has been removed as a sexual outlet for me. I’m never allowed to do that and my chastity device assures Mrs. Lion I am obeying that rule. She enjoys my frustration and does everything she can to make sure I am horny as much of the time as possible. She edges me almost every day. I am never more than twenty-four hours away from a frustrating near ejaculation.
So now, contrary to my past, I am actively encouraged to discuss the sexual state of my mind and body. My sweet lioness devotes considerable attention each day to the state of my penis. Since she has no pressure to give me release, she can have guilt-free fun enhancing my frustration. I’ve traded a large percentage of my potential ejaculations for an ongoing, fun sexual dialog. There is no more sexual guilt. Mrs. Lion doesn’t need to feel any sexual pressure from me. She knows that I want her to frustrate me. She is free to laugh at my frustrated grumbles.
Sex has always been currency. In most relationships it is used as a weapon of control. Rape is the most extreme use of the sexual weapon. Of course most of us never even think about that kind of violence. It’s appalling. But it does graphically remind us that on a far gentler scale, sex is commonly used to assert or gain control. Enforced chastity is a conscious choice to delegate sexual control and agree for that control to be enforced physically via a chastity device or other means. It’s an agreement between caged male and his keyholder.
This power exchange is very arousing to the male. In fact, knowing he has surrendered sexual control is in and of itself a turn on. It sure is for me. Keyholders have different reactions that range from providing control as a service to her male to enthusiastically embracing the power and pushing it to the hilt. Most keyholders, I think, fall somewhere between those two poles.
Regardless of degree, all of in enforced chastity share one key value: we have voluntarily surrendered and accepted sexual control of our partner. I consciously agreed to give Mrs. Lion sexual control over me. She has accepted. Our sexual dialog is forever changed. We know our roles and accept them. Isn’t that better than, “I have a headache, dear?”