February 2015 (Page 13)

Last night was play night. Mrs. Lion out of kind consideration for my penis injury, a small bruise on the frenum which had been a bit uncomfortable when I get hard, she decided to pay attention to my rear end. Very unceremoniously, she shoved the Njoy plug up my ass. Generally she eases it in with minimal discomfort for me. This time it went in with a firm, steady pressure. The ache subsided after about ten minutes and it nestled there comfortably. I’m not sure if this is part of Mrs. Lion turning over a new leaf, so to speak, but it is something completely new.

I know she said she was going to do independent research; read no more topping from the bottom. It could be this is the first thrust. I have to say that she performed her ass-shoving with the utmost good nature. She was all smiles and, “poor boy.” The sympathy didn’t exactly ring true.

She got some ebooks on chastity from Amazon and spent some time this evening reading. She said the first book was worthless, just a discussion of why to do male chastity. She already knows that. It’s definitely a step in the right direction in terms of keyholding. I’ll let you in on a professional secret: I write this column the night before. So, I am typing away with that plug up my ass. It doesn’t hurt, but I know it is there.

This is not a case of, “Be careful what you wish for.” I think the combination of Mrs. Lion’s good nature and her new found approach to my enforced chastity will produce a very effective result. Ultimately, an effective, long-term enforced chastity adventure requires that both people find what works for themselves and for the relationship. It may seem odd, but I think the most difficult part to figure out is the reason for doing it.

Obviously, we started this because I want it. I get a sense of fulfillment and comfort from the power exchange we have. The cage on my penis is a turn on for me. That’s great, but is it the reason? These are the benefits. Should we have a goal? Aren’t the benefits enough?  I’ve been thinking a lot about this. It’s the nerd in me. Here’s what I came up with:

A solid, conscious goal is asking too much of something like enforced chastity. Let’s face it, I introduced it to Mrs. Lion because it was something I wanted badly. I didn’t want her to lock me up so I could learn to do anything or stop doing something I shouldn’t. The idea just turns me on. Since Mrs. Lion and I both agree that I don’t masturbate excessively or chase other lionesses. I don’t have any sexual problems that chastity will cure.

Nevertheless, I really like the idea of rules and discipline. But rules for what? See? We’re back to goals and reasons. So, without any real issues to correct, what do we have? I think it is … well, a hobby, Don’t get me wrong. That’s not trivializing enforced chastity. It’s just moving it from correction to recreation. Mrs. Lion taking power makes me feel good. We do it in our spare time, except that I am locked up all the time. It’s a hobby.

Hobbies can be very intense. Look at the obsessed collectors. Their hobbies occupy them completely. So, if enforced chastity is our hobby, how do we pursue it? I’m not sure yet. One way we might do it is to use the chastity and discipline to condition me to do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I don’t know what these things might be, but Mrs. Lion is very resourceful.

Some enforced chastity “hobbyists” end up being conditioned without either partner consciously trying to change anything.  It may become impossible to get aroused without the keyholder. I can feel myself moving in that direction. One form of sex can become the only kind of sex. If a woman only wants vaginal penetration, if she is the keyholder, chances are good that is the only way she will let her male express himself sexually. After a while he will become fixated on her vagina and it will become the only way he wants to ejaculate.

These are just examples. Most keyholders don’t plot how they will change their partners, but it happens anyway. My point is that if as a keyholder, Mrs. Lion is aware that the extreme focus the cage puts on my sexual expression, I will be conditioned with or without her knowledge. So, isn’t it better to do this conditioning consciously? Maybe our chastity hobby is lion training. Or maybe it is something entirely different. I don’t want to know. That’s Mrs. Lion’s department.

I am debating with myself whether to reschedule Lion’s orgasm to his next date rather than give him one on the 5th. It was such an intense debate on the way to work that I almost missed my exit off the highway. Evil Mrs. Lion thinks I shouldn’t have given him a bonus orgasm the other night and thinks he should have to pay for that. Nice Mrs. Lion thinks a bonus orgasm now and then never hurt anybody. I’m sure Lion agrees with Nice Mrs. Lion. But there’s a part of him that may agree with Evil Mrs. Lion. Regular Mrs. Lion thinks it’s none of his business. If I am truly in charge then I can give him an orgasm whenever I want.

To make matters even more complicated, I know I’m PMSing. I can feel it. I should have realized it yesterday when the littlest things were bothering me. Today I am avoiding talking to people because, well, because I don’t want to get fired for anything I might say. I decided last night that I will put off scheduling my own orgasm date until next week. At this point I would probably schedule it for September. I will probably just keep Lion’s orgasm date on the 5th for the same reason.

Some of you might think that Lion would love having me in my current state of volatility. He should get some very good punishment from me now. It seems like it would be very easy for him to piss me off and earn a massive spanking. Unfortunately for him, I don’t do that. I can’t see doing it out of anger or frustration. It would make me feel worse. So I think it’s best I delay any decisions and punishments until I am less frantic.

Sorry, Lion.

[Lion — Truth be told, I am still a bit sore (I somehow got a bruise/cut on my penis; probably the velcro from our play). So, unless it is much better tomorrow, I was planning on asking for an orgasm delay until it feels better. Of course, I could be just fine in the morning.]

Monday night was full of surprises. Mrs. Lion had scheduled herself for an orgasm. It was also her  night to tease me. If you haven’t been following us here, you might wonder why everything appears to be scheduled. Isn’t sex supposed to be spontaneous? Perhaps. But, in our case, we just fell out of our sexual relationship. It’s endlessly documented in previous posts. Our solution is to, at least for the time being, to schedule sexual activity in advance. That way, we assure we will give sex the priority it needs.

Mrs. Lion had several very good orgasms. It was wonderful fun for both of us. I really love to give her orgasms. After she recovered, she teased me. Then, she moved in and began using her mouth. Wow, is that ever great! She kept going even though she knew I was past the point of no return. I had an amazing orgasm too. For me it was an unscheduled “bonus” orgasm. I didn’t see it coming.

As people have pointed out to us, I am having more sex than most men who don’t practice enforced chastity. I am certainly having a lot more sex than I did before I was caged. This may seem to be a paradox. After all, isn’t the point of enforced chastity that the male, me, gets a lot less sex because his penis is locked up?

Simply put, no. Enforced chastity, at least to us, means that I have sex when Mrs. Lion wants me to. She may make me wait a day or a month. The point is that I don’t control it. To us, enforced chastity is about sexual control; Mrs. Lion has it and I don’t. The common fantasies say that once caged, a male rarely gets to come. Instead, all his sexual energy goes to pleasing his keyholder.

As far as I can tell, the only “given” in enforced male chastity is that the male loses the ability to enjoy sexual release on his own. He surrenders control of his penis to his keyholder. Right?  I have to admit that in my fantasy that meant I was driven crazy being teased and not being allowed to orgasm for a long (unspecified in my fantasy) time. In real life I admit that I don’t enjoy long waits.

Mrs. Lion loves to make me come. In the past, a lot of feelings got in the way of us providing one another with pleasure. Now that we have those feelings set aside, Mrs. Lion is having a good time giving me orgasms. Needless to say, I am having a good time getting them. This sounds like it could throw enforced chastity out of the window. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.

Let’s assume for the moment that an essential part of enforced chastity is to make the male wait for his release. The common explanation for this requirement is that males lose interest in pleasing their partners once they have an orgasm. If this is true, then keeping a male orgasm-free would make him the ideal, considerate lover. If a guy believes this is true, then he will want to be kept orgasm-free for as long as possible.

I’ve never been that way. I never made that connection. It’s true that for an hour or so after I come, my interest in providing unreciprocated sexual services does go down. But it comes right back. I’ve never associated my release with providing sex for a partner. If I did see it as a trade of sorts, then I would also agree that the longer I am kept wanting, the more interested I would be in providing sexual services to Mrs. Lion.

It so  happens that Mrs. Lion is not very interested in sexual attention. Her libido has been in neutral for a while now. At this point her orgasms are more for me than for her. All this adds up to the fact that there is on organic reason Mrs.Lion would withhold orgasms from me. The only reason she has is that I want her to. She is making me happy by providing me with enforced chastity.

What I want is to feel her in sexual control. So, if she is doing all this to please me, she has to somehow figure out just how much to frustrate me so that I feel her control. If I try to “help” her, I am taking back control. Similarly, I like Mrs. Lion to discipline me. If I tell her what kind of things she should enforce, aren’t I back in the saddle?

Since all of these needs are mine and not hers, all of our enforced chastity and discipline activities have no organic origin. Some wives want control and just need to learn the techniques of a female-led relationship. For them, the classic enforced chastity fantasy is a useful training aid. Not so for us. Mrs. Lion absolutely doesn’t want a female-led marriage; nor do I. I don’t have the personality to be submissive in that respect.

I have to admit it appears the cards are stacked against us for enforced chastity. The expected dynamics simply aren’t there: Mrs. Lion isn’t that interested in sex, she doesn’t want to be in charge, and she doesn’t really like to discipline me. I am not submissive by nature. My orgasms have little to no effect on sexual attention I offer, and I like control as much as I like surrendering it.

What a mess! We just don’t fit the stereotype at all. In fact, we are pretty much the opposite of what is expected to work in enforced male chastity. Despite that, I have a strong need to be sexually controlled. Mrs. Lion is not a controlling person. She doesn’t like to be in charge. Well, they do say opposites attract.

What we have going for us is that we are completely in love and we want nothing more than to be together. We disagree at times, but we don’t fight. Each of us realizes that nothing is more important than our love for one another. That’s a lot.

I’ve been locked up for more than a year. There have been times I have been truly desperate for an orgasm. On occasion, Mrs. Lion has made and enforced rules. We have had some success at all this. At this point, my cage has become an important symbol for us. It represents our commitment to sexual love. As such, I am sure it won’t be going away.

My experience as a caged male has its ups and downs. We are both figuring out how I can have the sexual control experience I want and still keep Mrs. Lion happy. So far, she hasn’t found a sweet spot in terms of how long to keep me waiting and how much to discipline me. She hasn’t found a way to actually enjoy all this stuff. For my part, I haven’t discovered exactly how much deprivation I need to feel sexually controlled. I don’t know what activities have the greatest effect on me. Most critical, I don’t know how much input I can provide Mrs. Lion and still feel controlled.

We both agree that we want to continue. It’s clear that neither of us is going to have a cathartic personality change. It’s also clear that we are together for life and that we will find a way to do what it takes to make and keep each other happy.

Maybe we need to be more systematic. Perhaps Mrs. Lion needs to experiment with wait times, discipline, ways I can please her. I do know that I am not the best source of information for her.  Information, after all, is power. You might be able to help us. Fantasies aside, considering what you know about us, any thoughts on how we can learn what is going to be best for us?