Many years ago I was running up some stairs and I tripped. I didn’t fall down the stairs but the impact broke a bone in my foot. It was surprising because I never considered that I could fall up a staircase, only down. This story came to mind when I was reading a piece in the excellent Monkey In A Cage blog. Bloggers Lady M and Tom Allen wrote an excellent article about the growing pains experienced by couples when they start with forced male chastity.
I was particularly struck by the discussion of the contradictory emotions generated when the male is made to wait and can’t handle the sexual and emotional changes that being denied sex create. It got me thinking about the differences between men and women and how they view power exchange. As the article pointed out, males and females have very different expectations about how a bottom should behave. Many women expect their partners to be compliant and grateful for their agreement to become keyholders. Instead, many men become emotional children when forced to wait. They whine and complain, sometimes even pout. Their partners are confused. Aren’t they getting what they had requested? Well, yes, but…
There were some studies years ago about interrogation techniques that starkly revealed how different men and women are about power. The idea was to discover what triggered submissive behavior in people. It turned out that a woman feels most overpowered and submissive if she is forced to take all of her clothes off in front of her captors. Men, on the other hand, felt most controlled when they were stripped by others. There were other activities that were studied as well, but this one is very revealing about a significant difference between men and women. This difference, I think, creates problems for people new to power exchange.
I know that I wanted to be locked up because I wanted Mrs. Lion to control some aspects of my life. Her reasonable assumption was that I wanted her to take control of when I would orgasm out of my hands. I’m sure she expected me to willingly submit to her will. Why? Because to women, submission is voluntarily doing what you are told even if you don’t want to do it. That was demonstrated by discovering that making a woman strip was more powerful than stripping her. My male mind doesn’t work that way. I feel most submissive when I am physically forced to do something; why men were more submissive when forcibly stripped. This is a generalization that isn’t true for everyone. But it is true for me.
I want Mrs. Lion to make me do what she wants. I want to be locked up so that I have no choice about when or if I can orgasm. When she disciplines me, she is physically forcing me to bend to her will. I find that massively arousing. Not every man reacts that way, but I suspect that emotionally all of us want to feel that power being exercised. For some it may be the chastity device itself. The fact that they can’t escape, or if they do escape they can’t get back in offers the physical force of the keyholder’s will. For others it is obedience; the knowledge that if they don’t obey they won’t get sexual release. For others it is withholding of attention. If they are naughty, they can’t please their partners.
I am sure that I confuse Mrs. Lion with my need for her control. We are just wired so differently. Tom Allen, in the post, mentioned that his wife doesn’t like giving fixed waiting times. She likes making Tom guess. Mrs. Lion feels the same way. The more I think about it, the more I have to agree with Mrs. Lion and Tom’s wife. I really don’t need to know. I want to know, but that is just a way for me to regain some control by being able to plan my future.
Wanting to be caged and being able to handle it gracefully is a learning process. Becoming an effective keyholder is also an education. We were lucky. We started slowly. I have been locked 24/7, but Mrs. Lion never made me wait more than a few days. I have been learning to handle the emotional and hormonal changes that chastity generates. I’m not too good at it yet, but I am learning.